Hot Slut Of The Day!

May 15, 2011 / Posted by:

It took me long enough but the time has finally come for us to honor former federal agent (meaning he once unlocked Thundergun in Call of Duty: Black Ops on Xbox 360) Phillip Sheppard from Survivor: Redemption Island! There’s a reason why Phillip’s torso sort of looks like a squinting Nelson Mandela, because he is a brilliant genius whose thoughts have more complex layers than the back of his American Apparel knock-off pink chonies! Unlike Nelson Mandela, when I use the words “brilliant genius” to describe Agent Phillip, I really mean “crazy maniac.

When Phillip isn’t attacking the girls for being lazy sacks of useless, he’s accusing Steve of being a racist for calling him crazy. The self-proclaimed villain believes that calling a smart, opinionated, strong black man like himself “crazy” is just another way of calling him the n-word and trying to keep him down. It’s this kind of rationale that really makes me want to wrap myself around Phillip’s brain and inhale his thoughts as they came burping out.

Like most people who watch this mess, I don’t know if Phillip is putting on an act in the name of strategy or if years of role playing as a CIA agent with his imaginary friends in his backyard has turned him into the good kind of INSANE.

I don’t know, but I do know that Phillip MUST end up in the final 3 tonight. Since all of his dialogue sounds like it was written by Quentin Tarantino, imagine the brilliant shit that would come out of his mouth during his closing monologue? Agent Phillip for the win!

And if you know nothing about Phillip, this pretty much sums up his brilliance:

I would not be surprised if at the end of tonight’s finale, Phillip zips off his skin suit and reveals that he’s really Joaquin Phoenix just as the words “Directed by Casey Affleck” flash on the screen.

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