If I lived in a house, I too would have an exquisitely tacky bootleg statue of Michelangelo’s David in my front yard, because I believe that one should get all of their landscape ideas from Norwood Young. But the residents of Lollipop Lane (I can’t) in Abilene, Texas do not agree with me, because they are throwing up their hands and calling the local news over a rock hard dick decoration that is tainting their children!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
These complainers must piss through a tiny hole in their taints and only use their genitals for hardcore fucking, because they think a statue of a naked dude is forcing them to talk to their children about sex. One stone peen hater said, “What can you tell a child when you haven’t talked to them about sex yet?” Hmmm. Well, I’m no child psychologist, but I supposed if they ask what thing on David is you could say, “It’s a penis.” But maybe the word “penis” will cause their ears to fall off and crawl into the bowels of hell to be devoured by Satan’s minions. Or they could just tell their children it’s a fat worm nibbling on a pair of figs.
But seriously, there’s only one way to solve this. The neighbor should get himself a naked cherub statue to place below David. Then the neighbor should turn David into a fountain and make it so that he’s pissing onto a cherub’s nalgas. That will definitely teach the children that penises are for pissing and not for any sex stuff. CRISIS AVERTED!
By the way, can somebody give me directions to the Doggone Museum, because you know how much I love KITTENS!!! (I’m guessing all dogs are gone from that museum. Yes, I’ll hand you the GONG on my way out.)
(Thanks to Bradley M for sending this in!)