NBC Turned Down Wonder Woman

After NBC singed millions of childhoods when they debuted the new Wonder Woman costume that looked like something you'd pull out of a red dot discount bin the day after Halloween at a pop-up mini-mall costume store that changes back into an abandoned space in November, they have decided to not put that shit on TV screens. After all the energy we spent dropping bitch-laced bombs at this mess, NBC is denying us the right to make fun of the costume every single week! It's like we stretched out our cunt muscles for nothing. I could've spent that time perfecting the Fleshlight attachment for my blow dryer.

Entertainment Weekly said that test audiences weren't really into David E. Kelley's idea of Wonder Woman as a powerful CEO who crime fights at night and has real lady problems. Just picture Wonder Woman crying into a bowl of raw cookie dough as Vonda Shepard sings a torch song. NBC also had their doubts about the costume. When the Internet ripped it into a million pieces, the costume department tried to fix it, but it wasn't enough.

My feelings about this news are separating like the titty sacks on Adrianne Palick's chest. Part of me is sad about this, because the Wonder Woman reboot had all the makings of a gorgeous disaster that would fill the "so shitty, it's pretty" void left by Spy Girls. But the other part of me is happy about this, because it would've hurt my soul every week to see Wonder Woman resemble a third-tier Craigslist stripper who threw together a busted WW costume to wear to a nerdboy's birthday party in his parent's unattached garage.