How Much Will Ashton Kutcher Make For Two And A Half Men?

May 13, 2011 / Posted by:

Wonderful news for Demi Moore! She can FINALLY call those scientists in Germany and give them the okay to start growing her new face using fetus cells, dolphin embryos and whatever they put in Silly Putty. Because Demi’s man child husband is bringing in a mountain of crisp $100 bills for replacing Charlie Sheen on One and a Half Men Plus an Asshole. Ashton isn’t getting paid Charlie Sheen money ($1.25 million an episode), but TMZ says that he will collect between $800,000 to $900,000 per episode. YES, Ashton is getting millions a season when the true entertainers of television like the cast of Mob Wives work for OTB tickets and a gas stipend (up to $50 a week).

Ashton confirmed to UsWeekly that he’s taking Charlie Sheen’s place by saying he’s not taking Charlie Sheen’s place:

“I can’t wait to get to work with this ridiculously talented 2.5 team and I believe we can fill the stage with laughter that will echo in the viewers’ homes. I can’t replace Charlie Sheen but I’m going to work my ass off to entertain the hell out of people.”

As for the crackie warlock, he had nothing bad to say about Ashton but said that the show will shrivel faster than his liver is, “Kutcher is a sweetheart and a brilliant comedic performer … Oh wait, so am I!! Enjoy the show America. Enjoy seeing a 2.0 in the demo every Monday, WB. Enjoy planet Chuck, Ashton. There is no air, laughter, loyalty, or love there.”

I’m torn. If Two and a Half Men succeeds with Ashton, that will be a direct stab to Charlie Sheen’s mutant monster ego. But then again, if Two and a Half Men doesn’t get thrown into a casket, the world will still have Two and a Half Men…and Ashton Kutcher.

It’s a Sophie’s Choice between two of Rosemary’s Babies.

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