How Much Will Ashton Kutcher Make For Two And A Half Men?
Wonderful news for Demi Moore! She can FINALLY call those scientists in Germany and give them the okay to start growing her new face using fetus cells, dolphin embryos and whatever they put in Silly Putty. Because Demi's man child husband is bringing in a mountain of crisp $100 bills for replacing Charlie Sheen on One and a Half Men Plus an Asshole. Ashton isn't getting paid Charlie Sheen money ($1.25 million an episode), but TMZ says that he will collect between $800,000 to $900,000 per episode. YES, Ashton is getting millions a season when the true entertainers of television like the cast of Mob Wives work for OTB tickets and a gas stipend (up to $50 a week).
Ashton confirmed to UsWeekly that he's taking Charlie Sheen's place by saying he's not taking Charlie Sheen's place:
"I can't wait to get to work with this ridiculously talented 2.5 team and I believe we can fill the stage with laughter that will echo in the viewers' homes. I can't replace Charlie Sheen but I'm going to work my ass off to entertain the hell out of people."
As for the crackie warlock, he had nothing bad to say about Ashton but said that the show will shrivel faster than his liver is, "Kutcher is a sweetheart and a brilliant comedic performer ... Oh wait, so am I!! Enjoy the show America. Enjoy seeing a 2.0 in the demo every Monday, WB. Enjoy planet Chuck, Ashton. There is no air, laughter, loyalty, or love there."
I'm torn. If Two and a Half Men succeeds with Ashton, that will be a direct stab to Charlie Sheen's mutant monster ego. But then again, if Two and a Half Men doesn't get thrown into a casket, the world will still have Two and a Half Men...and Ashton Kutcher.
It's a Sophie's Choice between two of Rosemary's Babies.
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I've read it also here: Ashton Kutcher to replace Charlie Sheen on Men, newstype.com. Ashton Kutcher has come from out of nowhere to win the race to replace Sheen in “Two and a Half Men”. Sources indicate the previous “That 70s Show” and “Punk'd” star has signed a contract that will pay him between $625,000 and $900,000 per episode, just over half of what Sheen reportedly earned. The ninth season of “Two and a Half Men” should be back as early as mid-season or as late as this fall.
Two and a half Men was willing to pay Ass HOW MUCH?
Un freaking believable. He ain't even worth 10k and episode.
Suckers. Youz got punk'd and that bag you just stole from an old lady?
Just a bunch of shit - Asston K is laughing and you just pissed away an opportunity. AND Lorre you are paying someone to give it to you up the asston, cuz people won't be watching that crapola. Pity that Sheen has to be right
Cancellation in three, two, one ......
The show's actual focal point wasn't Chucky Sheen's "Charlie Harper." It was Alan. Cryer was perfectly cast to portray a whining, selfish, user who was overbearing feminine. The later episodes showed Cryer sporting an excellent hairpiece. It covered his alopecia or hair loss very well!
If Chuck Lorre is smart, he'll continue to allow Cryer to steal the show. Kusher is not really funny. Angus T. Jones is blah. Jon Cryer carried the show. He made me laugh at his despicable character.
Morning hookers!
Mmm, Christian Slater. Viva, Brian Kinney!
Hell to the no to Ashton Kutcher.
Is that venom or semen on the floor?
So, since the kid is grown and not really "half" man, does this mean that kutcher is the half in the 2 and a half? So half a man, they could slab some make-up on him and have us believe he's a post-op tranny.
That pic reminds me of Rick Springfield's recent mug shot.
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GERONIMO!
he is just gross and had his nose done..what is up with his nostrils..if they (the producers of this lame ass show) think they will get ratings with this fucktard...they should check out how bad his movies do...he is a serious douche....
I love the way he kisses warlock ass.
He's like, more terrified of Charlie than he ever was of Jackie, and that's saying alot.
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GERONIMO!
Every time I see his stupid a$$ face, all I can remember is Dave Chapelle's poem, "Fuck Ashton Kutcher."
Omg, Christian Slater is the fucking sex. THat man made my panties moist throughout Heathers. Somebody please give that man a good job.
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"Never ascribe to malice that which can adequately be explained by incompetence."
- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
Cannot see how in the fuck this could work. Just the mention of AK is nauseating.
Two speeds: dumb and barf
.
.
I have never watched this show. Now that Ashton Kootchie is on it, I never will. He is soooo not funny!
"Friday the 13th I'm a play Jason"
Well if this loser is so repulsive but still similiar in looks to Charlie Sheen, yet annoys everyone, why not have chosen Gale Harold (Brian Kinney). I always mistake them for each other....
Submitted by becky n sydney on Fri, 05/13/2011 - 6:34pm.
*sigh* If only there was a loaded gun in that mouth.
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*Earl Scheib voice*... i could paint the wood red, behind that head, for $39.99!... you discard of the body!.. heehee!
OT: just end the show. it was over years ago.
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
*sigh* If only there was a loaded gun in that mouth.
Submitted by Kenneth G on Fri, 05/13/2011 - 4:02pm.
Normally, I don't go for dudes - I'm not into that gay shit. However, looking at this picture, I've realized this badger-jawed aged twink is an obvious exception. I light some candles and play "Havana" on the stereo to set up the mood and ambiance for the scintillating acts I'm about to engage in. My chest hair stands on end beneath the sensible, highly breathable material of my ultradeep v-neck. I feel the blood rush to my saxophone as I approach Ashton, whom I've conveniently ball-gagged and tied to my French-style Chippendale chair. I gulp. My gaze is tightly fixed on Ashton's glorious, now-throbbing noseclit. His nostrils twitch as I tease his pulsing lovenub with my moist mouthpiece and reed. Never before in my life have I feasted upon a facial rubstub - let alone one as large, erect, and willing as Ashton's...
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Ummm, wow.
Soooo, about the 'not usually going for dudes' thing...
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"Nous sommes coulés dans un moule différent de celui de Woody Allen. Nous ne parlons jamais de nos angoisses au grand jour. Nous évoluons sur un autre rythme. Chez nous, il faut lire les silences".
My French Canadian grandfather watches it every day. My grandmother sits right next to him and he laughs at everything, and the smile stays on his face for the whole 30 minutes. I'm pretty sure he doesn't even get half of the jokes, he just knows that what Charlie Sheen says is supposed to be funny. My grandmother mostly looks confused.
Awesome photo of Ashton. Someone stick a dick in that fat mouth.
Submitted by jsanto24 on Fri, 05/13/2011 - 1:17pm.
As I grabbed my bag to leave for the train this morning i heard the TV in the next room "Ashton Kutcher to replace Charlie Sheen on Two and a Half Men". I then hear my father say "Haha! Wow, good choice, good choice. I like that guy!" ugh....i felt shame.
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My dad was/is obsessed with 2.5 men and it is a constant source of shame. He calls it his "favorite show of all time" and watches it On Demand multiple times a day.I'm sure he'll be fine with Ashton as long as "his show" can continue. He absolutely cannot comprehend that I think it is one of the worst sitcoms EVER. But then again his tastes range from Jeff Foxworthy to Larry the Cable Guy to that dumb ass "Paul Blart: Mall Cop" movie.
The only way this could work is if everyone gets promoted.
Charlie od's, Jon gets all his money and pussy, Angus steps up to the plate as the fathet figure, then they take in some overgrown homeless guy from Santa Cruz.
During the hiatus, the fat maid had lap band surgery and is looking pretty hot, as new cast member does not fail to notice even though she's old enough to be his mother...
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GERONIMO!
Either Demi or Bruce have fucking awesome connections, because I can't fathom how else he got the job. Has he even worked recently?
Isn't he a bit young for the role anyway? Isn't Jon Cryer old enough to be his dad? Is he actually old enough to have a kid as old as that fat ginger fuck who played Charlie's kid? Are they going to move the setting of the show to Appalachia?
I was just thinking that if I had a choice between torture or watching the show I would consider watching the show, but only to stick it to Charlie.
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GERONIMO!
Normally, I don't go for dudes - I'm not into that gay shit. However, looking at this picture, I've realized this badger-jawed aged twink is an obvious exception. I light some candles and play "Havana" on the stereo to set up the mood and ambiance for the scintillating acts I'm about to engage in. My chest hair stands on end beneath the sensible, highly breathable material of my ultradeep v-neck. I feel the blood rush to my saxophone as I approach Ashton, whom I've conveniently ball-gagged and tied to my French-style Chippendale chair. I gulp. My gaze is tightly fixed on Ashton's glorious, now-throbbing noseclit. His nostrils twitch as I tease his pulsing lovenub with my moist mouthpiece and reed. Never before in my life have I feasted upon a facial rubstub - let alone one as large, erect, and willing as Ashton's...
I HATED this asshole on that 70's Show and hated him even more when he became the bigger star when it ended. I hope this asshole goes down in flames. I'll feel sorry for the crew and the rest of the cast, but Ashton Kutcher is a stupid fucker who deserve to be a washed up has been just like his old ass wife (I'm not in a good mood today).
Submitted by Whatever on Fri, 05/13/2011 - 2:48pm.
Hopefully they won't bring Demi and Tatar Head on as guest stars.
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The problem is, that's very likely to happen. Desperate Demi and Potato need work.
I thought this was a major Punk'd episode when I heard this morning. So this casting news ia not a joke then...
I just want to slap his face and I am not normally a violent person. Hope the show totally bombs and his career is ruined and he fades into oblivion (...I can dream, can't I?)
Oh, and this time around the "a half" will be Mr. Kootchie.
"Google me, you dumb fuck!", said some punk bitch rookie cop.
He's had a nose job, that's quite obvious from the picture.
That is all.
I hope he enjoys is $800,000 to $900,000 because that is ALL he will get as this show will now be cancelled in 3..2..
"Google me, you dumb fuck!", said some punk bitch rookie cop.
Hopefully they won't bring Demi and Tatar Head on as guest stars.
Why are they so damn determined to save this show?! Its awful anyway!
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"Hooooooty who give an eff about Haiti?! I don't! BAM!" - MK as Taylor Momsen
I love Dlisted.
Submitted by Iffy on Fri, 05/13/2011 - 1:39pm.
I think Christian Slater would have been a better choice. Long live Hard Harry.
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You know what? You are so right @iffy! Christian would have made a PERFECT replacement. AND, if he used his Jack Nicholson voice, I would be tuned in for original run of the series, not the syndicated repeats.
Slater a MUCH better choice.
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One minute you're crying on their shoulders, the next minute you're using your tears as lube to ride that shit and fuck the hurt away.- The Brilliant MichaelK- 3/10/11
I wrote Ashton off after reading he told Brittany Murphy she was "fat" and he also told January Jones she would never make it. Sure she fucked her way to the top, but her checks are just as good as the ones he's cashing.
I never understood the appeal of this show, so maybe it will finally get cancelled.
FFS WHY?
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"'They See Me Rollin', They Hatin' chariot is born!" -MK
I would have watched if Hugh Grant was on, but there's no way I'll watch 2.5 Dildos with Kutcher. I despise him.
A disaster WAITING to happen.
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"I was half a virgin when I met him!"
-Mean Girl,Regina George
Submitted by BlueOrchid on Fri, 05/13/2011 - 1:18pm.
I totally agree with you. He's douchey, but I think he has good comedic timing. He doesn't have what it takes to carry a movie, so sitcom TV is a much better vehicle for him. I wouldn't be surprised if the show did pretty well.
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Douchechill!
Both, smurfy!
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I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round
I really love to watch them roll
No longer riding on the merry-go-round
I just had to let it go
800,000 - 900,000 per episode!!!!!!!!!
*head explodes*
He has suddenly become attractive to me...
"I believe we can fill the stage with laughter that will echo in the viewers' homes"
SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUUUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!
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"I’m good when I’m alone. I’m comfortable when I’m alone. I can sit and do lots of things all by myself. Sex included."
— Johnny Weir
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Fri, 05/13/2011 - 1:44pm.
I hate this overpaid asshole
Which one? Charlie or Ashton?
....But that’s vulgar and gross to me: exploding assholes, exploding brains. And Christian sites are vulgar to me, too. Michael K
I hate this overpaid asshole.
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I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round
I really love to watch them roll
No longer riding on the merry-go-round
I just had to let it go
Team Sheen. Ashton Kutcher is such a butt plug.
Submitted by TexnDoc on Fri, 05/13/2011 - 1:26pm.
I love the pic of Ashton sitting behind President Bush, Laura, and Condoleeza Rice at this year's SuperBowl and being ignored like the insect he is.
I am no fan of Kutcher, but can you imagine his embarrassment at being seen in public next to the most hated people in contemporary American history?
I think Christian Slater would have been a better choice. Long live Hard Harry.
Or as South Park so eloquently put it, a few years back on some episode.. it's a choice between a douche and a turd sandwich.
I didn't think that show could get any worse.
I was wrong.
"It's a Sophie's Choice between two of Rosemary's Babies."
And it's lines like this one, that cause me to check my RSS feeds religiously.
Hope it lasts a season at least cause he has a huge family to support.
I wonder if "2.5" really refers to the number of times per scene that he'll "get caught" with his shirt off.
I love the pic of Ashton sitting behind President Bush, Laura, and Condoleeza Rice at this year's SuperBowl and being ignored like the insect he is. Like Blohan, he's pretty much box office poison.