This is some Equus shit right here. In Miami today, Eva Longoria got 50% naked and sprawled herself bareback-style on top of a bare horse while her boyfriend Eduardo Cruz and some polo players watched. This was for some magazine photo shoot, of course. Did Eva stop to think that maybe she should call horse translator Trace Cyrus and ask him to ask the poor creature if it wants her tits that close to its body? It would definitely answer: FUCK NEIGH! I mean, this just isn’t right. If a horse sprawled itself on Eva’s nekkid body without asking, it would be arrested, thrown in a prison barn, put on a sexual predators list..etc…etc.. But yet, when Eva does it, she gets away with it? Something in the world ain’t right!
Besides, how many times have we seen some trick get naked on a horse? It’s been done by Cindy Crawford, Madge, Angie Jolie, DanRad , Gis and many more. Do these bitches think that horse is short for WHORSE?! Those horsies don’t want a hos bits all over their asses.
Eva really should’ve tried to be a little more original. Leave the poor horse alone and go for an animal who never gets any naked human body action. You know, an animal like the sloth:
And the sloth is smiling with its eyes! So much better, right? Put it on the cover and ship it out!