The Delivery Of Mimi’s Twins Was Everything You Thought It Would Be

Now that Baby Couscous and Baby Marilyn are safely snuggled into their diamante and pink gold cribs (I wish), their father Nick Cannon tells the media all about their ridiculous journey from Mimi’s Care Bear womb to her bronzer-covered arms. But first, above is the elegant piece of understated jewelry that Nick bought for Mimi for her first Mother’s Day. The 4-carat diamond and pink sapphire necklace cost $12,000 and will replace a chola’s green gold nameplate necklace as my favorite definition of real class. It’s a little piece of Downtown Las Vegas on Mimi’s neck! All it’s missing is the scent of wet cigarettes and bourbon phlegm balls in plastic cups. Moving on…

Nick Cannon was on The Gayle King Show (via UsWeekly) yesterday and he set the record straight about the rumor that they played Mimi’s song “We Belong Together” during the birth of their twin unicorlings. They didn’t play “We Belong Together,” but they did play the live version of Mimi’s song “Fantasy.” Nick has a perfectly reasonable explanation for why they went with the live version of the song:

“Now my wife wanted to make sure that when the babies came out, that they came out not only to a Mariah Carey song, but a live performance from Mariah Carey — her Madison Square performance of ‘Fantasy’ — so they came out to a round of applause.”

That sounds like the most fabulously gay production since Liza Minnelli’s wedding to David Gest. You know, I would say that the sound of Mimi’s 10,000 octave nightingale yodel would send any baby crawling back up into the womb, but it almost didn’t scare Moroccan and Monroe as much as the doctor dressed in a Hello Kitty costume and the dozens of lambs dyed in various shades of pink and blue prancing around the delivery room.

This little bit of information also helps to solve the question: who called Child Protective Services on Mimi’s ass?! Nick told CNN yesterday they got a hospital visit from CPS after somebody said Mimi was drinking and drugging in her room. Nick thinks someone overheard a nurse telling Mimi to drink a little dark beer to move breastfeeding along and decided to turn nothing into a scandal for a fast dollar.

But I disagree with Nick’s suspicions. If you played back the anonymous call to CPS, you’d definitely hear a pair of tiny voices breathing out the words “heeeeeeelp us.” It’s amazing how fast newborns will learn how to speak after you play a Mariah Carey song for them.