I have to give credit where credit is due. Lady Caca deserves to be knighted by the Empress of Lucite for putting my two favorite things together at last: penis and Lucite. The American Idol contestants got a priceless lesson in elegance last night when their mentor showed up wearing $4500 Lucite dildo heels from Void of Course. Heels that double as a sex toy make the world go ’round, so Caca gets nothing but praise from me. My only note is that the next time she wears these stunning dick heels in public, she might want to put a garter belt condom over each heel. You never know when a Hilton or a Travolta is waiting in the darkness, ready to wet hump on those Lucite peens.
TMZ says the producers of American Idol proved once again that they are all sorts of whack by censoring Caca’s butt busting heels. Really, American Idol? You block the country from seeing these gorgeous works of art, yet you don’t put a giant logo over the close-up of Caca looking like Pagliacci de Ville?
I’m going to suck on my tongue and focus on the positive. Thanks to Caca, I have met my future husband: the Lucite dick heels. I also feel better knowing that Enrique Iglesias’ chewed off mole has found a good home.