What Is ANTM All-Stars Without Jade?!
Tyra Banks announced which ANTM losers are coming back for America’s Next Top Model All-Stars and there’s one gigantic GLARING omission in the cast. Tyra forgot all about JADE! Future television scholars studying the season of ANTM All-Stars will ask themselves the same question I’m asking myself now: how the fuck can you assemble a group of all-stars without the all-star of all all-stars JADE?!
Jade, the bi-racial butterfly who lost both America’s Next Top Model 6 and America’s Next Top Best Friend, fluttered away from our TV screens way too prematurely and I really thought Tyra would bring her back. The cast is alright, but it’s sort of like serving cake with no frosting on it. Jade is the frosting! Yes, Jade is the kind of frosting that will stick to the roof of your mouth and give you a bowelache, but she’s still frosting!
Jade has already taken to Twitter to say that she turned down ANTM All-Stars, because after she dwelved into and analysticized the contract they wanted her to sign, she realized it was very one-sided. Basically, the producers were not considerating Jade. While I write Tyra a letter, explaining to her how disappointed I am that she’s bringing derogatoriness upon Jade, you can dissect the cast:
Cycle 1: Shannon (runner-up)
Cycle 2: Camille (fifth place)
Cycle 4: Brittany (fourth place)
Cycle 5: Bre (third place)
Cycle 5: Lisa (sixth place)
Cycle 9: Bianca (fourth place)
Cycle 10: Dominique (fourth place)
Cycle 11: Isis (10th place)
Cycle 11: Sheena (sixth place)
Cycle 12: Allison (runner-up)
Cycle 13: Laura (runner-up)
Cycle 14: Angelea (fourth place)
Cycle 15: Kayla (fourth place)
Cycle 16: Alexandria (fourth place)
Oh well, at least we’ll forever always have this: