Stock The Cupboards With Barley Formula!

Unflattering pictures of Jennifer Aniston leaving a Mexican restaurant after swallowing tequila shots and tortilla balls were not available for OK Magazine’s “YES, SHE’S PREGNANT” cover, so they went with Katie Holmes instead. Stepford Katie’s rep has already blamed Photoshop wizardry on the reason why there are pictures of her with audit bloat, but OK’s source say that she’s lying and she really is pregnant with Suri’s next torture victim.

This source says that Katie is telling her friends she’s knocked up and is going to wait a little while longer before she makes the news public. One her friends told OK!, “She said she’s finally past the morning sickness phase. She was talking a mile a minute. She’s so excited.”

OK! really wants me to believe that between shooting movies and taking Suri for her daily photo-op strolls, Tommy actually found the time to cum into a frozen turkey baster (shoved gently up a male hustler’s ass, of course) and then present it to an L. Ron Hubbard hologram in a lavish Scientology mating ritual? Yeah, no. It’s not in the contract. I’ll believe it when I see Katie shopping for tiny clothes at the tiny people store. Actually, scratch that, she could be shopping for her husband. I’ll really believe it when I see Suri moving her shit into the guest cottage, because she’s not going to let some screeching brat ruin her beauty sleep.