The Party Goes On: Lindsay Lohan Escapes Jail!!!!

May 11, 2011 / Posted by:

All those promises of Lindsay Lohan going to jail for 120 days and spending the next 10 years of her life doing community service proved to be just LOLjk talk! No such thing is happening. LiLo has won yet another round in a game of dare with the California Justice System. LiLo didn’t have to be in court today, so her lawyer pleaded “no contest” on her behalf to the charge of misdemeanor theft. Judge Stephanie Sautner kept the sentence of 120 days in jail intact for the probation violation, but the Sheriff said that it’s likely Lynwood will be spared from dealing with Lindsay Lohan. Here’s the entire sentence Judge Stephanie dropped in LiLo’s lap today:

120 days in jail for violating probation. Steve Whitmore of the Sheriff’s Department says that she will get credit for 2 days already served. Steve also believes that the 120 will be whittled down to 71 days for good behavior. Due to overcrowding, she’ll likely only serve 14 days. Radar says that LiLo’s lawyer has already asked to serve her time on house arrest. It will probably get approved. She’ll get an ankle monitor and won’t be able to leave her house for any reason. Some call “house arrest” a real punishment, but I call that shit a non-stop party vacation! That sounds like ten 8-balls of FUN! Especially since LiLo has a personal booze mule named Ali Lohan who will use Nana Lohan’s ID to buy economy-sized jugs of vodka at Costco. Sign me up!

LiLo must complete a shoplifters anonymous course, which I’m sure consists of watching the 90210 episode that tackles Kelly Taylor’s klepto habit. LiLo will also have to undergo psychological counseling.

LiLo has to finish up 480 hours of community service, which she’s already in the process of doing. Once she finishes that shit, she won’t be on probation for the DUI charge anymore. But she’ll still be on 3 years probation for stealing that necklace.

That’s that! I’m sure we’ll be doing all of this again next month, so see you then!

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