Bristol Palin Did Not Get Plastic Surgery

May 11, 2011 / Posted by:

Bristol Palin has a really good reason for why she now looks like a silicone jar filled with an Audrina Patridge/Heidi Montag swirl. Bristol didn’t get the tip of a dildo inserted into her chin and a wet vac didn’t suck the baby making fat out of her neck. Bristol tells UsWeekly that she had corrective jaw surgery last December and it changed her face. “Corrective jaw surgery” is the new “deviated septum!

Bristol had an improper bite (“That explains everything!” – Levi’s peen) and underwent surgery to correct it. Bristol wore braces as a kid to correct her overbite, but dentists have always told her that she would have to get surgery sooner or later. Bristol lost 5 pounds from only eating liquid foods for a couple of months. If you don’t fee like straining your face muscles for the likes of Bristol Palin, feel free to print out a “bitch please mask” to wear while you read what she has to say about her new face.

“It’s not plastic surgery. I had corrective jaw surgery. Yes, it improved the way I look, but this surgery was necessary for medical reasons…so my jaw and teeth could properly realign…I don’t obsess over my face. I am absolutely thrilled with the results. I look older, more mature and don’t have as much of a chubby little baby face. I wouldn’t get plastic surgery unless I got in an accident or something terrible and got disfigured.”

IMPROVED?! Okay. Bristol then went on to say that she suffered from chronic cold neck so she got extensions to correct that condition. Bristol’s doctors also diagnosed her with overactive lungs, so she’ll have to get breast implants in the future to control that. IT’S A MEDICAL CONDITION!

That being said, Bristol’s surgeon fucked up and he should do the surgery again. The doctor didn’t correct anything. I mean, her jaw is still moving.

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