Paul McCartney Really Hasn’t Learned Shit

May 10, 2011 / Posted by:

Paul McCartney’s savings account is still raw from Heather Mill’s butt fucking millions of coins out of it and now it has a new reason to cry while searching Google for reputable anal reconstructive surgeons. As you know, Paul McCartney is going to make New Jersey businesswoman Nancy Shevell his third wife and he’s going to do so without protecting his savings accounts with a butt plug in the form of a prenup. The Gold Digger Gazette has just found its sexiest man of every year.

A source tells Popeater that Sir Paul’s lawyers have put together a single-page document stating that Nancy won’t go after his fortune if they divorce, but there will be no prenup. Nancy is no Heather Mills and she not only has her own money, but her family’s bidet shoots out liquid gold (basically, they’re rich). The source goes on, “There’s no need to make marriage a business arrangement. They are the perfect couple. And have both had a huge impact on each other. She has once again shown him that falling in love doesn’t have to hurt. This one will last forever. She is the opposite of Heather and hates the public spotlight, plus she doesn’t need his money to live a great life.”

Sir Paul obviously doesn’t know that the only thing better than having a lot of money is having even more fucking money! Maybe Sir Paul’s naive optimism will work in his favor this time around (SPOILER ALERT: it won’t). But if Sir Paul’s future third marriage does find itself in a divorce casket, Nancy better go into hiding right away. Do not put it past Heather Mills to make a skin suit out of Nancy and assume her identity so she can collect a second divorce settlement from Paul. Heather Mill’s glorious gold digging ways know no bounds. Paul’s lawyers better make Nancy hop on her left leg before she collects her divorce settlement. Shit, Heather Mills can do that too, right?

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107 responses to “Paul McCartney Really Hasn’t Learned Shit”

  1. ISprainedMyUvula says:

    A fool and his money are some party.

    **************************************
    Sit on my face and tell me that you love me…

  2. guest says:

    Sounds like one to me.

    “as am I…”

  3. Deb says:

    Oh for chrissakes, look at him! It’s the WILL that’s important at this point.

    “JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON.”
    Charles Manson

  4. Slurpee says:

    I wonder what Ringo thinks about this?

  5. RustyHooligan says:

    As soon as you say, “This one will last forever,” it won’t.

    What she should really do is ensure she’s the beneficiary of his life insurance and will. That’s worth more than half the marital (or, per MK, martial) estate.

    ETA: As Deb already said.

  6. snowpiece says:

    Submitted by christine the hoff on Tue, 05/10/2011 – 9:30am
    grandmotherly…..ahahahahahahhahaha I know! Hopefully she will introduce him to her surgeon!

    ****************************
    “Basically, Murlonio means “from Rob’s ass” in Dumfuckanese.” MK

    “Why won’t you be perfect? Stop being so fat and lumpy. I fucking hate you, you cunt polenta.”

  7. jack-n-the-hat says:

    she has signed a one page document stating she will not go after his fortune if they divorce… a prenup.

    I agree with my colleague and legal counsel, Sir Suck N. Fuck… marriage is a busiess arrangement. kinda like investing in cattle futures.
    _____________________________________________
    “Roses are red,
    Violets are blue,
    You fucking cunt.” ~ the delicate Sweetas 04/21/11

  8. NOT IMPRESSED says:

    Good riddance.
    _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

    Douchechill!

  9. Nanners says:

    Was he EVER sexy? Paul has looked like an old woman for the past 20 years.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    twerk those stumps!

  10. christine the hoff says:

    Submitted by ISprainedMyUvula on Tue, 05/10/2011 – 9:35am.
    where YOU been, sugartits??

    Snowy, right? of all the assholes that have work done, he should be first in line…ugh.

    ————————————————
    What a friend I have in jesus, I can say that
    honestly. He’s not like all my other friends who really don’t care about me.

  11. caprica six says:

    Oh Paul, paul, paul… *sighs*

    I read that he simply typed up this one page thing that said, “if this doesn’t work, do not touch my children’s trusts”. At least that was done. All the best to them though.

    ~~~~~~~
    “Get busy living, or get busy dying. That’s goddamn right.” -Red, Shawshank Redemption (1994)

    “‘They See Me Rollin’, They Hatin’ chariot is born!” -MK

  12. spankypants says:

    Not positive about this but I don’t think prenups are legally binding in the UK. The judge can take them into consideration though and I don’t know if they are marrying here or over there. I agree with everyone about the will, even though Ringo is the oldest Beatle and is still going strong.

  13. Happy Hour says:

    Submitted by Deb on Tue, 05/10/2011 – 9:38am.
    Oh for chrissakes, look at him! It’s the WILL that’s important at this point

    HAHAHAHA very true

    same thing I thought about the Playboy guy and his no-prenup marriage.

  14. Goldigga says:

    The “dumbasses” tag is right. There’s no fool like an old fool!

  15. suckandfuck says:

    Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Tue, 05/10/2011 – 9:44am.

    marriage is a business arrangement. kinda like investing in cattle futures.
    ———————————————

    The ultimate analogy!!!!

    ————————————————-
    Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 – 5:47pm.
    suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.

  16. SoulTaker says:

    He looks like he’d smell really old and musty.

  17. christine the hoff says:

    Jack you’re so fucking romantic, you’re making me moist.

    ————————————————
    What a friend I have in jesus, I can say that
    honestly. He’s not like all my other friends who really don’t care about me.

  18. jack-n-the-hat says:

    Submitted by christine the hoff on Tue, 05/10/2011 – 9:53am.
    Jack you’re so fucking romantic…
    ——————-

    a hopeless romantic, indeed.
    _____________________________________________
    “Roses are red,
    Violets are blue,
    You fucking cunt.” ~ the delicate Sweetas 04/21/11

  19. cripbabe says:

    well BFD, he’s got plenty to go around – he’s like a billionaire. plus, she shits gold herself, so it’s a perfect meeting of the wallets. and if t doesn’t work out – meh – he can keep going like Hef until he’s in his 80’s.

    btw, wtf happened to his facelift? he looked pretty good a few years ago, but it must’ve been done with cheap scotch tape, ‘cos honey, it needs a redo, this time with industrial packing tape to hold it up better!

  20. EastEndGirl says:

    Hoff how do you think he gets the girls? Certainly ain’t his eye.

  21. christine the hoff says:

    Submitted by EastEndGirl on Tue, 05/10/2011 – 9:57am.
    Hoff how do you think he gets the girls? Certainly ain’t his eye

    I see how is playful, gentle, loving side just draws them like bees to a flower…..
    ah hell, who am I kidding?? my favorite date movie is Silence of the lambs…. I’m a twisted fuck my own self..

    ————————————————
    What a friend I have in jesus, I can say that
    honestly. He’s not like all my other friends who really don’t care about me.

  22. WhiskeyTango says:

    A fool and his money are soon parted, so they say.

    *******************************************************************

    “Fuck that guy for thinking anybody and everybody should want to do Glee.” – Dave Grohl

  23. cake coke and cock says:

    Well well well two super wealthy motherfuckers get married. Together. What a classist fucking society. I have more money! No, I have more money! This world is as unfair and bigoted as it is fucked. Congratulations assholes.

    ————————————————-
    Don’t make me quote Nabokov at you. I’ll do it. I promise.

  24. Lucifer_Sam says:

    Well, he’s old – how much longer can he possibly have to worry about this shit?

  25. christine the hoff says:

    That’s what I was thinking, he’s got so much mola, he just doesn’t give a shit.

    ————————————————
    What a friend I have in jesus, I can say that
    honestly. He’s not like all my other friends who really don’t care about me.

  26. Chucks says:

    “This one will last forever”. Seriously? Famous last words. Why don’t they just break up now and get it over with. Derp.

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