Hot Slut Of The Day!

May 8, 2011 / Posted by:

Happy Mother’s Day to ever kind of mother out there (even the motherfuckers)! By now, I’m sure your precious snowflakes have already woken you up with a 4-course home-cooked breakfast and a handwritten Mom’s Day itinerary which includes a massage, a stroll through the botanical gardens and a champagne picnic where your kids will perform interpretive dances of the poems they wrote you for this special day. Or if you really scored, your kids gave you two bottles of wine and promised not to knock on the bathroom door once when you lock yourself in there so you can down the hooch while sitting in the empty bath tub with all the lights off.

And if your children really appreciate you on a serious level of love, then they got you a frying pan with a bra in it. A FRYING PAN BRA! Because every mother needs a metaphorical gift that deserves a thank you in the form of a frying pan beating (the bra provides some titty support so they aren’t flying all over the place during the frying pan beating).

Over at Shine, they asked their readers what was the worst Mother’s Day gift they ever got. Reader Joanie answered their call: “The worst Mother’s Day gift I ever got was a frying pan with a bra inside it. LOL. hahaha. Can you believe that?

I do believe it. I’d also believe it if Joanie said that the frying pan came from her kitchen cabinet and the bra was fished out of her dirty laundry basket. And I’d believe it if Joanie said that her kids wrapped it in a grocery store paper bag and torn Christmas bows. That is some DIY shit I pulled when I was little. It wasn’t my fault! There was nobody to take me to the store! So I would go into the garage, look for something my mom hadn’t seen in a while (examples: a broken music box from Pic ‘N Save, a wooden cross with that “Footprints” poem etched into it, etc…) and then wrap it in leaves and flowers from the backyard like I was Nell or some shit. (Cut to my mother this morning opening up a giant leaf with an old gold Zelda Nintendo game in it. I love you, mom!).

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