What Does Angelina Jolie Hate?

May 6, 2011 / Posted by:

Children in catechism class are taught that the patron saint of forehead veins Angelina Jolie has had many bones in her body but the hate bone isn’t one of them. But this is actually a lie. Angie Jo does have hate for something. It isn’t food. It isn’t American holidays that end in “ing.” It also isn’t clothes that look like they don’t belong in the closet of a professional funeral seat-filler. The thing that Angie Jo hates is the sound of her own voice! Yes, the sound heaven’s angels hear when they put their ears up against an empty conch shell on their grandma’s coffee table (every grandma has an empty conch shell on their coffee tables, even in heaven) is the sound that Angie hates the most!

Pass me a plate of youknowthishoislying and then read what she said during an interview with USA Today for that Kung Fu Panda sequel.

Men might like her voice. Jolie hates it.

“You know, when you hear your own voice, you can find it quite boring and uninteresting,” she says. “Suddenly, you get very shy that your voice is not enough, because I’m not musical and I don’t know my voice.”

Jack Black’s ears perk up as Jolie talks about her early auditions for voice-over work. She says she was so nervous about getting jobs that she brought dozens of zany voices she plucked from thin air, including a crude Mae West imitation.

“You mean like, ‘Come up and see me sometime?’ ” Black asks in a husky breath.

“That sounds more like Bogart doing Mae West,” Jolie says. Black rolls his eyes. “Uh, that was Bogart in drag.”

Angie can inject that “you know” up into her bulging forehead vein and speak for herself, because I happen to love the sound of my own voice. I especially love it when a telemarketer hears the sound of my voice and calls me “ma’m.” Not even “miss,” “mrs.” or “Are your parents home, young lady?” MA’M! Those stupid bitches.

Although, I could be projecting a “ma’m” since when they call I’m usually wearing a sweatshirt with some kind of cartoon cat character on it and am in the middle of pulling my dog’s ears back so they look like Princess Leia buns. But that’s still not a ma’m! That’s more like a “Ms. Aniston.”

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