The Greatest 9/11 Road Trip Story Ever Told

If you told me that Michael Jackson, Elizabeth Taylor and Marlon Brando fled New York City in a rental car after 9/11 and made several pilgrimages to KFC, I'd beg you to stop hoarding the acid tabs and please put one on my tongue like Eucharist time at a rave so that I can see this vision for myself. And this is exactly what I'm saying to Sam Kashner, the Vanity Fair writer who told this story in an article for the magazine on Elizabeth Taylor's life. The geniuses at Next Media have already turned into a Taiwanese CGI short film for you to get high on.

On September 10th, 2011, Michael Jackson performed in a sold-out concert at Madison Square Garden. MJ originally wanted his friends Elizabeth Taylor and Marlon Brando to sit on opposite sides of the stage like two Easter Island idols, but they decided against it. They sat in the audience instead. Cut to the next morning. After the attacks, MJ's friends from Saudi Arabia told him to get the fuck out of NYC because there would be more assaults in America. MJ grabbed Marlon and Elizabeth and the three tried to get a private plane to take them back to California, but the air space above the country was closed for business. Instead of taking a bus or a train or a solid gold chariot led by white Persian horses, the three got into a rental car and drove far away from NYC! The Hertz agent who rented them the car is still trembling under the counter wondering what the fuck just happened.

I'll let Sam Kashner lead you through the rest of this fuckery-laced acid trip:

A former employee of Michael Jackson’s says that Michael, like General Washington, led his entourage to a temporary safe haven in New Jersey, before the three superstars took to the open road. “They actually got as far as Ohio—all three of them, in a car they drove themselves!” he recalls. Brando allegedly annoyed his traveling companions by insisting on stopping at nearly every KFC and Burger King they passed along the highway. One can only imagine the shock their appearance caused at gas stations and rest stops across America.

But one of Elizabeth’s close friends and assistants, who asks to remain anonymous, insists that Elizabeth did not flee New York with her two companions. “Elizabeth stayed behind,” he insists, “where she went to a church to pray, and she went to an armory where people were who couldn’t get home or who’d stayed behind to look for the missing. She also went down to Ground Zero, where she met with first responders. Eventually, the airports opened and she flew home.” She may well have done some of those things, though no reports surfaced in the media of sightings of Elizabeth Taylor ministering to the frightened and wounded or showing up at Ground Zero.

The image of Marlon Brando NOM NOM NOM-ing on fried chicken skin in the passenger seat while Elizabeth Taylor pumps gas and Michael Jackson hovers over a Thomas Guide spread on the hood is one that I will bring up in my head whenever I need to flee from reality and fall into a fucked up hallucination. THE FUCK doesn't even begin... Even though this is most likely a work of fiction, it still needs to be made into a road trip comedy. Tyler Perry or Eddie Murphy can play all the roles.

Posted by: Michael K

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Submitted by kejame49r on Fri, 05/06/2011 - 4:21am.

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Submitted by Centaurious on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 11:15pm.

I wish this were true, but there's just no way.

Right after 9/11, my dad was at a convention in Vegas with several of his coworkers, they couldn't get a flight, and they are nobodies...and they STILL all chipped in for an RV and drove from Vegas to New York in the RV!

They got reimbursed from the company, and I made sure my dad swore he wouldn't drive the RV, because he's a shitty driver and really shouldn't even be driving a car.

I mean, those three stars would have at LEAST gotten an RV....

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GERONIMO!

Submitted by Condi the ingro... on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 10:55pm.

I know this is a total fabrication, but isn't it a great one?

As if Jackson, the super-germophobe, would EVER get behind the wheel of an icky filthy rental car, even with Bin Laden nipping at his heels. Please. I do like the idea of Brando chowing on KFC and Burger King Whoppers the whole way.

Submitted by Miss Thang on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 5:14pm.

This story is partially true. Michael did get his whole entourage including Brando and Liz Taylor out of NYC after the attacks. I remember hearing about this several times over the years. However, there was no such long roadtrip, I heard they just went to New Jersey like everybody else. I also did hear that Michael insisted on being with Liz during that time to make sure she was safe. At the time there was controversy that he seemed to want to be with her more than with his parents and siblings. ************
I like living this way. I like loving this way.

Submitted by RockstarDani on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 5:07pm.

HA! I would have loved to have been one of the lucky few to encounter these three on the road by themselves! *wipes sweat off face* But seriously??? Whoever fabricated this impossible lie should go into comedy instead of whatever he be doin'.lol Three multi-million dollar superstars VOLUNTEERING to go road tripping across the US? HELL NAW! If anything, they most likely rented one of those fancy stretch limos to escort them out of NYC. I had actually heard an old story from Corey Feldman that on the day of 9/11, Jacko and Liz Taylor were indeed together and that Jacko didn't want to give Corey a ride out of the city (they were not on good terms at this point), and that Liz had to beg Jacko to let him in! Now THAT, I believe.

"I make myself sick, Get on my own nerves. Immature, insecure,Grown up nerd."
-Fat lip (The Pharcyde)

Submitted by misslainey on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 2:21pm.

I totally buy this :D

Submitted by beegirl on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 12:26pm.

Poor Mike...people still working him over. He did get people out of NYC after the 30th Anniversary concerts at MSG. Yes they were sold out too. He had a bus and took his WHOLE family out of NYC on it. I am sure they did stop in Jersey at the Cascio's house cause he always stayed there. Feldman wanted a ride, Mike relented but he was a dick who kept being rude and upsetting Mother Katherine so Mike booted his ass off in Nashville.

I guess the kids in the backseat of this vid might be Prince, Paris and Blanket? It is pretty funny though....Hunter S. Thompson would be proud.

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If we weren't all crazy, we would go insane.

Submitted by mitchyul on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 11:23am.

Love the story whether true or not.

Submitted by audreyfarber on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 11:07am.

Marlon Brando, Pocahontas and me

Submitted by audreyfarber on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 10:55am.

Marlon Brando, Pocahontas & me...

Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 10:50am.

I hope the crazy stays away today and especially for OP.

I'm sick to death of it.

Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 10:48am.

Submitted by Paquita on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 12:15pm.
Evilcupake... whatever. If it gets too crazy on OP today, we can always move to another post.

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Good idea.

Submitted by Paquita on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 10:45am.

Evilcupake... whatever. If it gets too crazy on OP today, we can always move to another post.

And seriously, I can't stop watching the video. My favorite part is when MJ starts dancing in front of his double and teaches him how it's done.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Don't blame me! I voted for Kodos!
http://lif3d3sign.tumblr.com/

Submitted by LisaRose on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 10:21am.

This is the first I head of this. Does anyone remember when Corey Feldman was mad at Michael because Michael wouldn't get him out of NYC after 9/11?? What about THAT story??

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Visit my husband's webcomic DUNGEON HORDES at http://www.drunkduck.com/dungeon_hordes
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Submitted by Boo1212 on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 10:18am.

Man, I would have loved to have been on that car ride....(real or otherwise) What a freakin' riot!

Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 10:17am.

Submitted by Paquita on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 11:18am.
I can't stop laughing at the video and imagining those

Evil Cupcake, people accusing you of being mouse was crazy. I had no idea what they were talking about. I rarely comment and usually just read yours and everyone's hilarious comments. But yesterday was no fun.

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Yeah, I thought it was pretty much out of left field, since I have posted here for over a year now, and have never had anyone accuse me of anything, other than being a cunt or a bitch, which I totally own up to.

Like M.E said, everyone gets accused of being this "Mouse" creature at one time or another, so I guess it was my turn. This week was just a bad week to fuck with me. So it really pissed me off yesterday.

I am sure the weirdos are gearing up for OP.

Submitted by rukiddingme on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 10:03am.

@ Borgqueen ~ some advice for you on the title situation...I would contact the police department that has jurisdiction over the area where the dealer is located, ask to speak with their vehicle fraud investigator, whoever handles vehicle fraud issues. Make a report and the police might be able to help you get this straightened out sooner. On top of this, I would also file a complaint against the dealer who sold you the car with your state's Office of Attorney General, Consumer Protection office.

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www.petfinder.com - Enter your zip code & find pets available in your area for adoption.

Submitted by babybunny on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 10:00am.

who needs acid or any other hallucinegens...that was beyond trippy!!...I will watch this next time I am having a wtf?? moment...which is all the time lately...it puts it all in perspective...Liz hasn't looked that skinny since the 1970's but that is o.k., and MJ looks almost human in that...which unfortunately he did not in real life...

Submitted by babybunny on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 9:59am.

Submitted by Paquita on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 9:53am.

Thanks jack!! I just find it hilarious that my last dates were with men with previous.. mmmhhh... commitments.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Don't blame me! I voted for Kodos!
http://lif3d3sign.tumblr.com/

Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 9:51am.

Paquita - welcome to the wonderful world of being single.

*toasts*
_____________________________________________
"Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
You fucking cunt." ~ the delicate Sweetas 04/21/11

Submitted by Paquita on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 9:48am.

I can't stop laughing at the video and imagining those

Ok, gonna keep working and snowy please do comment on your relationship. Will gladly give some input if you ask for that. I myself keep a tumblr of my dating life now that I am single. keeps me entertained.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Don't blame me! I voted for Kodos!
http://lif3d3sign.tumblr.com/

Submitted by BorgQueen on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 9:37am.

OMG I just saw the video ROTLMAO. I thought Jack was joking about the 3 lil kids in the backseat. Too freaking funny.

NOw I need to vent. Mr. Borg and I bought and registered a used car in April. Now our insurance wants to cancel us because we dont have the new Title. Mr. Borg went to DMV today and they told him it will take 2-3 months to receive the new Title. WTF. Now Mr. Borg is upset that I made him go to DMV today when he could have went tomorrow. ?!?!?!? SO now on top of that, I have to wait for the car insurance to advise whether they are gonna discontinue our coverage.

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Live like the bombshell I really am!!! (Amy Winehouse @ 17)

Submitted by gransal on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 9:35am.

I dont know if this story is true of not ...but I do remember his shows cause they were sold out and it was right around my birthday and I was in high school at the time and I wanted to go so bad... after the attacks happened it came out that MJ didn't help any of his family members out of NYC who came to the show only Liz and Brando and the rest of the celebs who came to his show THOSE he helped get out of the city ...If its true (the road trip that is) or not there are parts of this story I remember hearing years ago..

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Im A Brown Girl

Submitted by Raul Duke on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 9:27am.

♫♪♫ "Kickin' in the front seat
Sittin' in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take? "♫♪♫

I see you galavanting around town with damsel I admire and I propose Copulate Thyself ..and Copulate Her additionally! http://thechive.com/2011/05/04/hump-day-science-xangle-of-dangle-ymass-o...

Submitted by Richiegay on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 9:26am.

It is very hard to believe that the tabloids did not get a hold of this little road trip from eternity and back sooner. Something is not clean in the milk here! Even a half wit would have recognized this trio of mega watt crazies on a long ass road trip. ???

Nail me to my car... then I'll tell you who you are...Joe The Lion

Submitted by angel_i on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 9:25am.

Wow. And I thought the troll wars were fucked up.
andDOUBLETRIPLELOL@Liz all dressed up like Cleopatra. If they were gonna do that why didn't they make Marlon sexy again? I guess it wouldn't fit with all the fast-food fuckery in the story.

Also this: fuckery-laced acid trip....or acid-laced fuckery trip? You decide!

♥ Threadkilla!
Kelly Osbourne! Eep!
"When in Rome...hook up with a Black guy"~Lexi, BGC Season 5.

Submitted by cake coke and cock on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 9:24am.

lol @ the three little kiddies getting in the car too.

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scaramouche, scaramouche, will you do the fandango?

Submitted by hotsassypants on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 9:11am.

This sounds like the beginning of a great joke! "so MJ, Marlon, and Liz Taylor are all stuck in a rental car...."

Submitted by luscious_t on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 9:07am.

this would have been SO much better had they used fatty Brando wheeling around blonde Liz in her chair

and it def needed a road trip scene with MJ driving and brando ordering up burgers from the backseat

*****
luscious_t requests asylum from Hollywood star whackers
http://www.myspace.com/luscious_t_999
Well, it's worse than war, it's worse than death
There ain't too many left who ain't been
Eaten by the monster of love
(Don't let it get me!)

Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 9:06am.

Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 10:32am.
Evil Cupcake - you aren't a true dlister until you are accused of being mouse.

Mouse was even before MY time, she's a ghost of dlist past that oldtimers still have conspiracy theories on.

Just shrug it off.

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REALLY!? Cool, I am now a real dlisted girl!

*flashes new, official badge*

I am not going to even ask what the "Mouse" story is all about.

*runs to log out, then in as someone else*

Submitted by TheBreakdown on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 9:06am.

hopiece is cheating on me?!

Security!

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Facebook: Triston Negreaux
http://www.myspace.com/triston
ask me how to subscribe to Heaux Confessionals©

Submitted by But.Seriously.Folks on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 9:04am.

Best road trip ever and yes, it NEEDS to be a movie. Mah boo can play all three roles.

Brando gets a forever pass from me cuz he was hot as hell back in the day. He has a permanent spot on my 'I would' list. Vintage Brando, not fatty Brando.

Ok, enough pontificating, I need some liquor.
-LOVE ANDERSON

Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 9:02am.

Evil Cupcake - you aren't a true dlister until you are accused of being mouse.

Mouse was even before MY time, she's a ghost of dlist past that oldtimers still have conspiracy theories on.

Just shrug it off.

Submitted by BorgQueen on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 9:02am.

I am in a crappy mood but this story totally brighten up my day. The mental image of Liz, Brando on line in KFC & MJ hovering over a map spread open on the hood is hilarious. This is the best talll tall ever.
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Live like the bombshell I really am!!! (Amy Winehouse @ 17)

Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 9:02am.

Submitted by mcnightmare on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 10:30am.
i thought this was Dr. Phil, Bai Ling and MJ.

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Ahahahahaha!

Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 9:00am.

Submitted by snowpiece on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 10:17am.
I hope we can have a peaceful day here today! especially cuz I need lots of time to talk about my relationship.....

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Yes, because I also need to come clean about being "Mouse"

*still wondering who the fuck 'Mouse" is*

Submitted by mcnightmare on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 9:00am.

i thought this was Dr. Phil, Bai Ling and MJ.

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Download "Come Back As A Flower: Songs of Stevie Wonder" at http://tiny.cc/u5fa8

Submitted by Deb on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 8:55am.

Well, FUCK. I wanted to discuss MY "so called" marriage. I guess I can wait......

"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson

Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 8:55am.

The State of California really needs to do a behind the wheel test for people over 70 on a semi annual basis. FUCK!

Submitted by citizenstrange on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 8:54am.

On Monday night 9/10/2001 I was with my girlfriend at a Merrill Shindler listener dinner at the W in Westwood (L.A.). It was Cuban food & drink themed and was the first time I ever had a Mojito and I must have had a dozen of them.

Early the next morning I got a phone call from my sister saying a plane had flown into one of the WTC buildings and I turned on the TV and watched as the second one was hit.

Submitted by Deb on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 8:54am.

It's cool, Jack. I only know because I've been studying Cantonese for 5 months.

"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson

Submitted by Cowjam on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 8:53am.

Submitted by snowpiece on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 10:17am.

I hope we can have a peaceful day here today! especially cuz I need lots of time to talk about my relationship.....

Snowy,
How are things going for you? You had mentioned your relationship in a previous discussion. (Will.I.Am.) Can I be of service?

Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 8:53am.

lmao at snowyyyyyyyyyyyyy

*ques story about sexual experience*

On topic: SHAMON!
_____________________________________________
"Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
You fucking cunt." ~ the delicate Sweetas 04/21/11

Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 8:52am.

Snowy - yes, and I need to discuss my marriage.

Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 8:52am.

So did the gubment kill them for knowing too much?

CALL DET. LATOYA!

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"Bitch, your pancakes look fine to me."

*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-

Submitted by parissucksliterally on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 8:51am.

what the hell was that?

I didn't find that funny.......

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Love is all around you. Yeah, love is knockin' outside your door.
Waitin' for you is this love made just for two
Keep an open heart and you'll find love again, I know.
-Tesla "Love Song"

Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 8:51am.

LOL Deb it all sounds the same to me!!!

*reports self*
_____________________________________________
"Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
You fucking cunt." ~ the delicate Sweetas 04/21/11