Jason Sudeikis Isn’t Saying Shit

May 2, 2011 / Posted by:

When January Jones announced out of nowhere that she’s pregnant with her first child (“You’ll never make it as a baby in this town!!!” – Ashton Kutcher to January’s fetus), most of us subliminally threw her a “You’ve been Sudeikis’ed” side-eye like the one Julia Louis-Dreyfus is delivering in the picture above. January hasn’t said which dude got an awkward call in the middle of the night that started with “Um, so remember when you said that maybe a little dribbled out?”, but the baby-making suspects have been narrowed down to Jason Sudeikis, Lil Wayne (Lil Wayne is always a suspect in cases like this), Bobby Flay and one of Benicio Del Toro’s rogue sperm fishes that jumped out of Kimbo Stewart’s ovary chamber and hid in the nearest safe place (aka January’s ovary chamber).

The Washington Post slyly tried to get more information out of one of the suspects at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner and the awkward conversation went something like this.

When I asked if he had any comment on the recent news about Jones, who split with Sudeikis back in January, he said, “I’d rather — yes but no.”

Was he surprised to find out she was pregnant?

“No, I —,” then he paused and stammered. “No, I didn’t have anything [else to say].” He stammered some more.and that was the extent of our conversation on the subject. Sudeikis seemed comfortable being asked about the situation, just unwilling to say too much.

Stuttering. Nervously shuffling around. Tripping over words. BITCH BE GUILTY! Those are the actions of a man who is already preparing himself for a future visit from an 18-year-old with a Frankenforehead and a past due child support invoice in hand.

Or maybe Jason is saving all of his energy and emotions for when he has to bust out a “You’re Not The Father” jig after January’s baby comes out with ginger hair and a three layer salsa chin.

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