The Unicorns Are Crying Rainbow Tears Of Happiness Today!

April 30, 2011 / Posted by:

If you saw a rainbow shaking in the sky yesterday, then you witnessed the moment Mimi’s twin unicorlings started to finally push themselves out of her down low glitter heart, but she desperately wanted them to be born on the day of her 3rd wedding anniversary with Nick Cannon, so she held her vagina tight the same way she holds an earth-shattering high note. And then at around 12:07pm EST today, she finally exhaled and out poured a pair of candy coated babies who brought with them a placenta made of Jolly Ranchers and their first cry is expected to debut at #1 on iTunes charts later today (TRUTH NOTE: She probably had her C-section scheduled for today).

Yes, after being pregnant for at least two centuries, thee Mimi has finally given thee birth! AND THE LAMBS AND UNICORNS CRY IN UNISON!!!!! Here’s the announcement the cherubs carried on a Lisa Frank scroll to People:

Carey, 42, delivered the babies Saturday at 12:07 p.m. EST at an undisclosed hospital in Los Angeles. Carey’s representative, Cindi Berger, confirmed the births to The Associated Press, saying the baby girl was born first, weighing 5 lbs., 3 oz., and was 18 inches long; her brother was next, at 5 lbs. 6 oz., and was 19 inches.

Berger tells PEOPLE “she’s doing great” and they were listening to Carey’s “We Belong Together” after the children were born. “I spoke to both of them and they are both completely overjoyed.”

Asked if the birth was planned to coincide with her anniversary, she said: “No, not even Mariah could plan that.”

“Nick was very nervous and Mariah was completely calm. Mariah thought it was another soft labor and Nick was driving her to the hospital and she very calm and the music was blasting,” she added. “When they walked into the hospital, [Nick] was going the wrong way and they nurse redirected them to go the maternity ward, and I said to her, ‘that’s right out of I Love Lucy,’ and she laughed.”

Mimi and Nick have yet to release their babies’ names, because they’re waiting for the trademark to be approved and their lawyers are checking to see if they will have any copyright issues if they name one of them after a Gummi Bears character.

There’s no doubt that Mimi and Nick will give them a name worthy of a gay Care Bear whose ass spits sequins. Like you would ever hear Mimi scream, “Jennifer, do you want the rhinestone-encrusted pony tail hair extensions or the strawberry-flavored ones?” More like, “Butterfly Fantasy Honey, do you want the rhinestone-encrusted pony tail hair extensions of the strawberry-flavored ones?” And that will be the boys’ name.

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