Sadly, Kate Middleton Did Not Wear This Classic Bridal Ensemble

April 29, 2011 / Posted by:

Kate Middleton doesn’t want the common people of England to ever think that she’s above their commonness, so she decided to not wear the classic English rose bridal ensemble above that drips elegance as much as it makes the angels drip tears over its sheer beauty. Some ladies just aren’t refined enough to carry a bridal two-piece made entirely of pasties. Kate understands this and she played it well by wearing a dress from David Bridal’s “Copycat Grace Kelly” collection. No, it was designed by Sarah Burton of Alexander McQueen. You know, I’ll slide my bitchiness to the side to say that even though I prefer my dresses with rhinestones, peek-a-boo holes and nipple latches, this worked for Kate! Here’s the statement the palace (THE PALACE!!!) released the second Kate’s toe stepped out of her car:

“Miss Middleton chose British brand Alexander McQueen for the beauty of its craftsmanship and its respect for traditional workmanship and the technical construction of clothing. [She] wished for her dress to combine tradition and modernity with the artistic vision that characterises Alexander McQueen’s work.”

A million copies of this are being made by child slaves in Chinese sweat shops as we speak! But to appeal to today’s modern woman, they will chop the sleeves off, plunge the neckline to the belly button, remove the underlay over the breasts, hike up the front and install a built-in-thong!

And this is sort of off-topic, but one of my favorite parts of the ceremony is when Prince William had a little trouble getting Kate’s ring on. At first, I thought SHOT GUN! But then I shook my head at Kate for being off her game. Always dip your finger in Crisco beforehand so that the ring always fits even if a sneaky snatch tries to sabotage you by switching it with a smaller one.

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