President Obama held a press conference this morning where he called the whole birth certificate thing a “sideshow circus” and then he did what Diane Sawyer should’ve done to Whitney Houston those many years ago: HE SHOWED THE RECEIPTS! Or in this case, he showed the long form of his birth certificate.
Once the first lady of my dreams Melania Trump awakens from her beauty coma and tosses the solid gold sheets off of her gorgeous body, I’m sure she’ll have something to say about this! But in the meantime, we’ll have to settle for what Trump, whose hair was born on a lion’s ass in Kenya, had to say about this:
“Today I’m very proud of myself, because I’ve accomplished something that no one else has been able to accomplish. I want to look at it, but I hope it’s true. … But he should have done it a long time ago.”
Strangely enough, Melania Trump said those exact words after she caught a glimpse of Trump’s natural hairline during a windstorm.
And now that this is done (I think), can the birthers please use their powers for a greater cause? I’m talking about getting Prince Hot Ginge to release his birth certificate. And by “birth certificate” I mean “penis.”