Now that we’ve gotten Obama’s “forged with a rollerball pen that wasn’t even invented yet” birth certificate out of the way, we can finally focus on the more important headlines of the day, like Blake Lively’s hair color! Looking like if Ariel the Little Mermaid left Prince Eric and married a Reno, NV mob boss who made her the manager of the beauty pageant dress shop he uses as a front for illegal activities, Blake Lively showed off her movie role hair color at Time’s Most Influential People Gala in NYC last night. Time naming Blake Lively as one of the most influential people in the world is their way of saying: “We needed more big chichis on the list!”
Because really, the only thing that finds Blake Lively influential is a bowl of lukewarm oatmeal left out on a kitchen counter. That bowl of oatmeal keeps hoping that it will be as oatmeal-ey as her one day! But a ho can keep dreaming, because now Blake is a bowl of oatmeal with a delicious apple cinnamon squirt glaze on top.