Will.i.am Joins The Baby Wipes Movement

April 26, 2011 / Posted by:

We already know that Terrence Howard won’t go near a vagina unless it smells like a freshly cleaned baby’s asshole. Now Will.i.am of the Let Me Give You a Black Eye Please is standing next to Terry Howard as a vocal member of the Baby Wipes Movement. Because Will.i.am is a period smuggler, he thinks it’s okay for him to talk about the cleanliness of a woman’s nether regions. But he goes even further by telling Elle that there are a million uses for baby wipes and every women should keep them next to her sink. After basically saying that only whores keep condoms in their houses, Will.i.cant gave his baby wipe tips to Elle:

ELLE: If you walked into a woman’s house, what one item would convince you that you weren’t compatible?

W: If she had condoms in her house, that would just fuckin’ throw me off. That’s just tacky.

ELLE: Well, okay, I could see if she had a candy bowl full of them on the coffee table. But if she’s got a few in a drawer, wouldn’t that simply suggest she’s health-conscious?

W: I just think, like, if you’re into someone and you guys get to that level, then that’s something you should converse about together and say, “Hey, maybe we should get some.” Another pet peeve is wet sinks.

ELLE: Wet sinks?

W: Yeah, like a wet sink. You don’t wipe the sink after you use it? Dry it off! And if she’s got only dry toilet paper and no baby wipes next to the toilet. You ain’t got no baby wipes?

ELLE: I’ve heard about this particular deal breaker before. Why is that a big deal to you?

W: Here’s proof on why people should have baby wipes. Get some chocolate, wipe it on a wooden floor, and then try to get it up with some dry towels. You’re going to get chocolate in the cracks. That’s why you gotta get them baby wipes.

Yes, because a woman keeping a life-saving device (that will protect her from getting knocked up with dumbasses like Will.i.am) in her house is tacky. But using a baby wipe to clean your floor isn’t tacky at all. Somebody take a ball point pen and press it on this factory defected C-3PO’s reset button, because he’s talking nuts.

They’re called BABY wipes for a reason. They’re for BABIES! If they were called pussy & floor wipes, we wouldn’t be having this discussion! Would you ever use a pussy & floor wipe to clean a baby’s ass? Actually, Will.i.cant would.

(Thanks Michele)

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