The third season of RuPaul’s Drag Race came to a close last night after Ru, Michelle Visage and Santino named the most gorgeous woman on reality television (Sorry, Gaycrest, you tried)! When I watched (SPOILER ALERT) Manila Luzon and Raja standing there waiting to either collect a giant check or be banished into the Interior Illusions lounge where they had to clean up the discarded plastic cups and get the judge’s their coats, I kept hoping that Ru would dramatically get off of her throne (made of the shellacked tuck panties of contestants’ past) and beg Elmo for forgiveness for wearing the carcass of his lover Big Bird on her body.
Once Elmo granted Ru forgiveness, she would move on to more important business and declare that she made a huge huge huge mistake. Ru would let out a high-pitched “HOOTIE HOO” (that is like the Southern bat call, right?) that would traveled on the slivers of the wind all the way to North Carolina. Miss Stacy Layne (Bryant) Matthews would hear the call and magically show up in a tornado of swamp water. Ru would rightly declare Stacy Layne the new reigning queen and the toads of the south would burst into a chorus of congratulatory croaks (like the Kiss The Girl scene in The Little Mermaid). I mean, who can deny a beauty who looks like a pantyhose doll and has skin like a beige pair of L’eggs. But this didn’t happen…
Raja took that shit and everybody could see it coming like a cum shot from a man who has just said, “I’m cumming.” Raja can stomp like Naomi, pose like Gisele and I’m sure she’ll take over for tired Tyra as the new host of America’s Next Top Catalog Supplement Model. But even though Raja won a check for $75,000 and side-eye throwing rights, Manila gave the line of the year when she said: “I’m runner-up. If Raja dies of old age, I’ll get the crown!”
Here’s Raja, Shangela, Alexis Matteo, Carmen Carrera, Manila, Stacy Layne Matthews and Yara Sofia at last night’s after-party in NYC.