Lindsay Lohan Gets A Standing Ovation On The Tonight Show

April 26, 2011 / Posted by:

Kristen Chenoweth was bumped from staring into the erect chin of Jay Leno last night when Lindsay Lohan decided at the last minute that she wanted to sit down with him to promote her next court appearance and her upcoming cameo in the city morgue. It’s one thing that the producers put Kristen Chenoweth on the curb when she was there to actually promote a project she worked on. But a second illegal act was committed when the entire Tonight Show audience stood up and clapped for LiLo! I know that Jay’s fans love a good thief since he successfully snatched The Tonight Show from Conan O’Brien, but DAMN! Never has the phrase “HO SIT DOWN” been more fitting.

Were they standing to leave? Did White Oprah fill the audience with members from her EFAC (Enablers For A Check) group? Did the interns take the batteries out of all the carbon monoxide detectors, because the batteries that operate Jay’s jaw were running low and they didn’t have to time to run out to the store? This clueless crackie is pretty much on her way to jail and they all stand up like she’s some kind of hero?! Charlie Sheen, come get your audience back!

You know, I’m going to assume the entire audience was suffering from carbon monoxide poisoning which affected their better judgement, because who leaves their purse unattended on the floor below when a Lohan is in their midst?

Radar says that in LiLo’s pre-taped interview with Jay, which airs tonight, she confirmed her role in that Gotti movie and talked about how she was “shocked” and felt “numb” after the judge ordered her to 120 days in jail for violating her probation. LiLo continued to prove that words are cheaper than the weave on White Oprah’s head by saying: “I think that when, you know, being young and being in the position I was in, you don’t really take the time to appreciate what you have and it’s all kind of a whirlwind, and people make decisions for you. But I’m not a kid anymore — I’m 24, I’ve made a lot of mistakes and I recognize that. I’m in the clear now, and as long as I stay focused, I can achieve what I want to achieve.

IN THE CLEAR?! A misdemeanor theft case hanging over her head and a probation violation on her ass counts as being “in the clear“? LiLo’s current state is about as clear as the water in a crack house toilet. Jay Leno really ain’t shit for not double slapping LiLo in the face with his chin (he wouldn’t even have to lean over to do it) after she said that. And Jay Leno really REALLY ain’t shit for not vacating the studio, locking LiLo in there and bringing in an army of abuelitas who would really clear her head with truth talk, God fearing side-eyes and the threat of a chankla slap.

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