Kunty Karl Eats With His Nose
In order to fit into a pair of -10 jeans, Karl Lagerfeld's entire digestive system was removed, so now he gets his nutrients from feeding off of the gasps the audience at his fashion shows make when he sends a $3,000 cob web tunic down the runway. And he also gets life when he listens to the remaining fat on a model eating away at itself after she snorts a line of the bad shit. So because of this, I thought it was a little crotch-scratching strange when Magnum ice cream hired Karl to direct their commercial starring Rachel Bilson.
I used to think that Karl Lagerfeld and ice cream went together like Donald Trump and common sense. But Kunty Karl tells W Magazine that he's actually a perfect fit since his father was a milkman of sorts and he looooooves chocolate even if it never passes through his zombie lips.
So why ice cream?
Don’t forget my father was a milkman. He produced Carnation milk in Europe under different names, so I like to say he was a milkman. And ice cream is made with milk, no?Do you eat it?
I would love to if I was allowed to eat sugar, but my doctor told me that sugar wasn’t needed for me so I haven’t touched it in ten years. I also did the ad for Dom Pérignon and I don’t drink alcohol, but I think it’s a very civilized drink.Do you crave sugar?
No. Gone. But I like chocolate. I don’t eat it, but I like the smell of it. People can drink with their eyes; I can eat with my nose. I would love to have a perfume based on chocolate.
"I can eat with my nose." - White Oprah's newest diet mantra
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There are already a bunch of perfumes based on chocolate. Thierry Mugler Angel, Chanel Coco, Montale Chocolate Greedy, Givenchy Tartine et Chocolate Granselon, Serge Lutens Borneo 1834, Il Profumo Chocolate Amere, etc, etc, etc. I think even Britney Spears Fantasy is a chocolate based perfume.
Why would we need another one?
Kunty Karl will outlive us all.
He probably gives blow jobs with his nose, too, because cum has too many calories.
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"Can't you just be satisfied with if I'm wrong about god, I'll burn in hell?"
Omg, What, Kuntrl?!
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"Tsuru-maru, a blind man, the innocent victim of the war that rages all round him; he's lost the last protection he had -a picture of the Buddha- and now stands alone, in the midst of ruins, at the edge of the abyss." -Akira Kurosawa's "Ran" 1985
He looks like he's about to spit out his own tongue.
Had too many calories, anyway.
.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kjp0EhQCFM0
All the Blohans are stoked.
People, we need to refocus on the serious issue: this ice cream. It is called "Magnum". From the one brief glimpse I had, it resembles a big penis. And for this, they wanted Rachel Bilson, but I guess that's another story. Magnum. Penis. ICE CREAM.
That's all manner of fucked up, in my opinion. Ice Cream is for PMS, pregnancy, or the metaphorical and emotional equivalents. What is Magnum and Penis doing, getting involved in that?
That commercial sucks ass and makes no sense. Rachel Bilson? Was EVERYONE ELSE ON THE PLANET unavailable?? Then I saw a picture of Cunty with Ana Wintour and Rachel at the commercial's veiwing party. WTF's all around.
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Menage a NO! NO! NO!-MK
Submitted by Manimal5 on Tue, 04/26/2011 - 3:54pm.
Is he going to be wearing sunglasses at his funeral too? He looks dead already.
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probably, I'm also pretty sure he started the mummification process decades ago when he got his brain removed...
~I'm a cynical bastard~
Is he going to be wearing sunglasses at his funeral too? He looks dead already.
As a good friend of mine would say, he looks like Halloween.
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"I mean, sentenced to 120 days and sat in there for about as long as a Pink Floyd song?" - MK
*chews Rolo*
*spits it into garbage*
God, he makes my skin crawl....he looks as if he stinks of powdered rococo wigs and sour sweat
~I'm a cynical bastard~
As someone who likes to think they're off sugar, I KNOW he's talking about every single damn thing on the planet that might have just a teeny tiny bit of any kind of sugar. He probably includes all carbs in there as well. He must be a total pain in the ass in restaurants, even if they'll jump at the chance to cater to him. What the hell is he eating then? I hate these fashion types that think rotting your body to death is better than putting on a few pounds. At least Karl had a good run with some fat on his body, or he'd be dead by now.
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"I mean, sentenced to 120 days and sat in there for about as long as a Pink Floyd song?" - MK
You know, I saw that commercial last night too and thought to myself "I wonder what Michael K's going to say about THIS!" I got my answer today. : )
"I make myself sick, Get on my own nerves. Immature, insecure,Grown up nerd."
-Fat lip (The Pharcyde)
He eats wiff his nose?
COCAINE!
Still can't get those pictures of fat Karl and his pearly whites out of my head. Redundant status quo describes his fashion sense to a tee.
no sugar, booze or chocolate. i would lose my will to live w/in the first week of that diet. no wonder he's so cunty!
Submitted by Whamo on Tue, 04/26/2011 - 1:11pm.
How can a guy hack on people and their fashion sense when he himself hasn't changed his stupid fucking look in YEARS?
I mean a fucking ponytail, dark glasses, high collar turkey neck hider shirts, 1940's wide ties,necklace on the outside of your suit and FUCKING LEATHER DRIVING GLOVES..FUCKING DRIVING GLOVES!!!!. I mean I don't know shit about couture fashion and such but I do know he doesn't look cool, hip or edgy at all. He looks like an old man that had it going on at one time but is now trying so hard he looks like the old fool he is.
Time for a change fuckwad
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Well said, Whamo. Well said.
I don't get the open glove thing.
I seriously could feel some of my brain cells evaporating after reading this fools nonsense. "I can eat with my nose" WTF? It's like those people who still want to taste fatty foods without eating it so they chew it for the taste and then spit it into a napkin. Ludicrous and pointless.
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"I was half a virgin when I met him!"
-Mean Girl,Regina George
There already is a perfume based on chocolate -- Thierry Mugler did it 20 years ago with "Angel" -- no flowers, just chocolate, vanilla, caramel, honey & bergamot. Kunty Karl *must* know this -- he really *is* a bitch.
Constipated poser. That's all I got.
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"His faggy coffee shop poetry reading glasses will go over well in prison. I expect to see them on cumonglasses.com". ~ Dlister Provolone
Hahaha -- "I eat with my nose" -- HILARIOUS! He's a very entertaining idiot.
Around my house, we call sugar "the white death" (well, OK, I'm the only one who calls it that). But after practically living on sugar my whole life, I have transitioned to almost no sugar at all, unless it naturally occurs in a food. I still crave it but I have to admit, I feel better. I don't go into a coma every afternoon like I used to after lunch.
My family hates me because I'm always telling them to either hide their sweets or risk having them thrown in the trash. For Easter this year, no one got an Easter bunny, they all got healthy snacks. I'm sure they're planning to kill me and make it look like an accident (LOL, I hope)...
He has some kind of fabric or material covering practically every inch of his person to hold in and hide wrinkles, saggging, drooping, age spots and all other evidence of aging. I have this image in my mind of when he undresses (ugh) that his entire body kind of collapes and oozes out into a big puddle....a big shapeless Jabba the Hutt puddle of old man flab, with a pair of douchey sunglasses sitting atop it.
I love chocolate, and it has to be MILK chocolate.
He sounds like a nightmare!
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www.theanimalrescuesite.com - Click everyday to help animals in shelters
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I think the sugar debate depends on the person. I am chunky, but a decent eater and my husband is slim and NOT a good eater. He eats like a frat boy when he is at work. I am trying to ween him off that, but it is a struggle. We both have sweet tooths, but my hubby indulges more and doesn't gain. We both stay away from salt, so processed foods are out for me.
I still think Karl is funny. Like a deranged older uncle who the family tries to hide away. Every family has one.
Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Tue, 04/26/2011 - 12:21pm.
Anyone tried the no-sugar way of life?
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I don't eat sugar and have lost any cravings for sweets that I use to have. If I want something sweet, I go for berries or an apple. I feel better for it but it was really hard at first. Come summer and ice cream season, I might fold like a deck of cards.
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"Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."
— William Goldman
Submitted by saltydog88 on Tue, 04/26/2011 - 1:11pm.
Submitted by Fucking_Classy on Tue, 04/26/2011 - 1:01pm.
I think that what helps me stay thin is cooking as much as possible.
I TOTALLY agree, and I cook with all real ingredients too. The less processed food you eat the less you crave them. You can use good tasting stuff too like saute veggies in butter and garlic and they're delicious and still way, way better for you than cheetos or anything from McDonalds.
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Agreed. I still have junk food now and then, though, but it's a lot less. When you reduce the amount of processed food, IMO, you learn how to enjoy food more, especially the subtler tastes. The amount of sugar, salt and condiments in most processed foods is off the charts, and when you're only used to eating that, you'll be a lot more prone to think that a simple grilled fish or a fruit are tasteless, even stale.
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"As people become more intelligent they care less for preaches and more for teachers." - Robert G. Ingersoll
How can a guy hack on people and their fashion sense when he himself hasn't changed his stupid fucking look in YEARS?
I mean a fucking ponytail, dark glasses, high collar turkey neck hider shirts, 1940's wide ties,necklace on the outside of your suit and FUCKING LEATHER DRIVING GLOVES..FUCKING DRIVING GLOVES!!!!. I mean I don't know shit about couture fashion and such but I do know he doesn't look cool, hip or edgy at all. He looks like an old man that had it going on at one time but is now trying so hard he looks like the old fool he is.
Time for a change fuckwad
Submitted by Fucking_Classy on Tue, 04/26/2011 - 1:01pm.
I think that what helps me stay thin is cooking as much as possible.
I TOTALLY agree, and I cook with all real ingredients too. The less processed food you eat the less you crave them. You can use good tasting stuff too like saute veggies in butter and garlic and they're delicious and still way, way better for you than cheetos or anything from McDonalds.
Dunno...every time I see a picture of this man...he's just creepy and he looks like a pretentious arsehole.
I think that what helps me stay thin is cooking as much as possible. One, once you start being really good at it, you get picky about your food, and when you eat out, you won't eat the same amount as before; and two, when you cook, you eat less anyway, since part of your appetite is satiated just with the process. But I'd only advise it if you actually enjoy cooking, and if you have the patience to always have the ingredients ready in the first place. It's also a LOT cheaper than eating out all the time, and even cheaper than buying frozen junk food.
ETA: But jesus fuck, I'm no Goopy. I live in a tiny apartment, FFS. And I have sugar and bread and meat like everyone else.
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"As people become more intelligent they care less for preaches and more for teachers." - Robert G. Ingersoll
Every effin time I see a picture of him I feel judged. I had to eat breakfast! *counting down the hours til her spinning class starts & barfs breakfast*
Submitted by Nanners on Tue, 04/26/2011 - 12:47pm.
Submitted by louise_brooks on Tue, 04/26/2011 - 12:46pm.
Young man Karl looked good! Why is he so cooold?!!
he might have gotten fat during his awkward tween years and gotten mercilessly teased because God only knows what kind of issues you must have to starve and deprive yourself for 10 - 20 years just to fit into a size 0 when you could...you know...just add some extra material. :P
F-in Classy:
Karl reads books??? Oh - can you just imagine?
1. Gone With the Wind
2. Dinky Hocker Shoots Smack
3. The Scarsdale Diet Book
4. Truman Capote's "Answered Prayers"
5. The Bridges of Madison County
6. The Flame and the Flower
7. Plumbing for Dummies
and ANYTHING by Gore Vidal.....
"vaya con huevos mi amigos"
Submitted by guest on Tue, 04/26/2011 - 12:43pm.
Submitted by Datura on Tue, 04/26/2011 - 12:40pm.
Submitted by ditquoi on Tue, 04/26/2011 - 12:33pm.
if he takes off his glasses, does he have googly eyes like Elmo?
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I imagine it'd just be two pitchblack holes where the eyes should be. Two holes leading straight to hell.
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This.
cosigned.
prob if he takes off the glasses a vortex of doom swirls from his eyeholes sucking up any soul within a 10 ft. radius straight to hell.
thanks for clearing that up...I thought he was the original douche wearing sunglasses at the club. :P
Submitted by SugarFreeRedBull on Tue, 04/26/2011 - 12:44pm.
*watches Lucifer Sam do sit ups on my avvie*
:-)
OH SNAP! <3
Nanners, I have it on good authority that is an authentic pic of Kunty Karl in his early days.
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_JsN7HWuygLY/RwMTdtpFPII/AAAAAAAAACg/9LlAzQtfBu...
so sick of people selling shit to us while they excatly know what fucked up shit it really contains and of course they'd never touch it, eat it lick it go near it ah fuck this, just like fishsticks and her cook book yeah as if you'd eat bitch
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des langweilt mich
Submitted by louise_brooks on Tue, 04/26/2011 - 12:46pm.
Young man Karl looked good! Why is he so cooold?!!
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twerk those stumps!
He looks like he smells of death and decay.
Nanners: not a baby pic, but he looks about 5 y/o. Little lederhosen!
http://runway.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/11/12/haus-of-karl/
This one claims to be him, too, but it doesn't say the age. I would guess late 20's?
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_J9ifvBZre18/TBejX4gp9XI/AAAAAAAACTQ/JkqQ8Dzc64...
*shrugs @ the sugar-lovers* Can absolutely do without sugar. I dig salt. Now if I had to give up eating pounds of salt every day... whoa, mammy brown...
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I am not here to fight. I am here to make love.
Fucking LOL @ the "zombies" tag!
Yeah, Kunty Karl is perfect to reinforce the nasty stereotype that the people in the fashion biz are alienated, ignorant and superficial shitheels.
Recently he said he'd make a perfume inspired by the smell of books, and said he's a bookworm. I wonder what kind of books this imbecile reads, given that every time he opens his trap something painfully idiotic comes out. I guess they're all fashion photography books.
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"As people become more intelligent they care less for preaches and more for teachers." - Robert G. Ingersoll
*watches Lucifer Sam do sit ups on my avvie*
:-)
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Submitted by Fraggle: I vary between 665 and 667, depending on hormones.
If this is what not eating sugar for 20 years gets you, then bring on the Twinkies, Tasty-Cakes, Ho-Hos, Rings Dings, Ding Dongs and Yodels...
"vaya con huevos mi amigos"
Submitted by Datura on Tue, 04/26/2011 - 12:40pm.
Submitted by ditquoi on Tue, 04/26/2011 - 12:33pm.
if he takes off his glasses, does he have googly eyes like Elmo?
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I imagine it'd just be two pitchblack holes where the eyes should be. Two holes leading straight to hell.
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This.
"not so fast tom ryan..."
I love chocolate & sugar tooooo. But if I do go sugar free....I drop weight fast.
"not so fast tom ryan..."
To stay on Will.i.am's topic: Kunty Karl is such an enormous asswipe.
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Who are you calling silly cow?