Lindsay Lohan’s Going To The Morgue

April 25, 2011 / Posted by:

Lindsay Lohan’s cold dead career has been toe tagged for a while now and she’s used to being around lifeless carcasses who smell like death wrapped around a baked diaper (aka White Oprah passed out in her own drunk vomit in the middle of the garage), so doing her community service in the morgue is a perfect fit! Because a judge ruled that LiLo violated her probation, she was slapped with 120 hours of community service. People reports that those hours will be spent doing janitorial shit in the city morgue.

The coroner assistant chief says LiLo will be taking out the trash, mopping floors, cleaning toilets and wiping down windows, etc. The dead bodies in the morgue have been through enough, so LiLo really won’t have any kind of contact with them. LiLo’s upcoming morgue visit will be her second. Back in 2007, she had to complete a DUI morgue program.

LiLo might call pushing mop water around a linoleum floor “punishment,” but many of my tias have been calling it “WORK!” for decades now. How is this shit considered punishment when she’ll have access to formaldehyde and won’t be out in the open? How can the court take away we the public’s right to drive by and throw out empty Shasta containers for LiLo to pick up?! This seems like a lose/lose all around.

On top of the 120 hours in the morgue, she’ll also have to complete 360 community service hours at a women’s homeless shelter in the Skid Row of L.A. LiLo might call it “360 hours of community service,” but the employees at the homeless shelter are calling it “orientation.” When she completes her time there, the employees will not say goodbye to her. But not because they hate goodbyes, but because they’re going to see her in a few years anyway.

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