Lindsay Lohan Thinks Danette Meyers Is Out To Get Her Ass

Like most good hostesses do with their frequent house guests, Lynwood jail keeps a rubber pillow case (it makes scrubbing out the seven-layer fake tan skid marks an easier job), a pair of orange leggings and a copy of “Gandhi for Dummies” on hand just for Lindsay Lohan since she checks in about every other week. But delusion continues to be LiLo’s drug of choice, because she’s crying to her friends that she must be made out of wood since prosecutor Danette Meyers is on a witch hunt to destroy her. I’ve always said that you can’t trust an L.A. county prosecutor who is a silver kitchen ass wig away from looking just like Madea!

A source close to LiLo (aka White Oprah calling up TMZ and saying she’s a source close to LiLo) tells TMZ that she believes Danette Meyers is wrongfully going hard at her, because of a little something called the L.A. County District Attorney spot. Apparently, Danette is running for D.A. and the throbbing mound of delusion in LiLo’s head has produced the idea that Danette is using her to help her campaign. (That must be it! LiLo being the grand ambassador of FUCK-UP has nothing to do with her own actions!)

But TMZ adds that LiLo really ain’t shit to Danette for various reasons. First of all, when the judge lowered the felony grand theft charge to a misdemeanor, Danette asked to be removed from the case (her request was denied), because she figured it would be transferred to the City Attorney. Second of all, Danette has hundreds of major cases on her resume, so LiLo’s little misdemeanor is small potatoes to her.

If this is a witch hunt, when are we going to get to the part where Danette pulls a splintery stake out of Michael Lohan’s ass and ties LiLo to it? We’ve all got boxes of clearance bin PEEPS just waiting for a wood fire to roast on.