These Two Smug Ass Whores Are Married Now
The emaciated Falcor and the man whore of Burbank have officially become more annoying than a tampon made of Brillo pads by partaking in a pre-divorce ceremony at their home in California today. You know, I haven't even tiptoed into either one of those Twatter accounts, because I just know it would be like drowning in nauseating smugness. I bet they even said "I Do" to each other through Twitter. And just as they hit send, that shit crashed, because the Twitter bird wants no part of this "won't end well" shit. Now, I'm currently at a rest stop between DRUNK and HUNGOVER, so I'm going to let People take it from here:
"LeAnn and Eddie were happily married today surrounded by their closest family and friends," the bride's spokesman, Rhett Usry, confirms exclusively to PEOPLE. "They thank everyone for their well wishes."Country star Rimes, 28, wore a Reem Acra gown as she and actor Cibrian, 37, exchanged personalized vows on Friday in front of about than 40 guests, including Cibrian's sons Mason, 7, and Jake, 4, from his previous marriage.
The couple had led friends and family to believe that they'd been invited to an engagement party, but surprised the guests by tying the knot at the intimate ceremony held at a private home in California.
We all know how this is going to play out. LeAnn is going to poot out a baby with eyes as tiny as a baby fly's urethra. Seriously, eyes about the same size as the mail slot on the front door of a flea's house. That's when we'll all synchronize the clocks on our iPhones, because a quick minute later Eddie Cibrian will be on the cover of InTouch Life & UsWeekly Star with the mistress whore he left LeAnn for saying that he didn't have the tools needed to leave her the right way. Brand Glanville's karma cackle is already standing by ready to go!
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Submitted by swrights on Sat, 04/23/2011 - 9:19am.
He's the new K-Fed! ... E-Cib! Pop out two kids then go back to either ex! Ex sex is the best for some people.
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YES!!! The bestest thing that could happen is he lets himself go, because he's got a decent bank account now, and he gets all chub and wears those ugly ass sports sandals with socks with dumpy shorts and t-shirts. PLEASE, someone needs to make that happen!!!
But E-Cib sure really wanted to seal the deal quick, I'm sure.
Brandi was probably all,
"Why ain't you workin', fool? I need my child support!!"
"I'm working on it, you harpie, give me a minute. Falc-, um I mean, LeAnne is still trying to get to her target weight of 75 lbs. She's almost there."
"Fine, asshole. But she's paying for the Chuck E. Cheese birthday party."
"I got that covered. Gotta go, I pre-ordered some limited edition Ferragamos on LeAnne's credit, and I need to go pick them up. Need anything, whore?"
"Get me a nice belt, you cheating bitch, thanks."
Submitted by SugarFreeRedBull:
@Brandi - (AKA BJORK YOU)
Listen, low-flying tittyballs, I swear on this whole grain cracker cut into thirds that Eddie isn't over there. He's on a strict diet and doesn't eat PORK!
Leave us alone and I'll stop applying colorstay lipstick right before kissing your kids.
And if he IS over there, how does my bunghole taste? It's what he kissed at the ceremony.
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Argh, you bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dlisters, step aside because it's about to get all Krystle Carrington/Alexis Carrington-Colby up in here!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dcdhdzfbR_o
PS: Your bunghole tastes like ipecac syrup. Thanks, now I can stay skinny, too!
Grossest side boob ever
Submitted by SpacemanSpiff on Sat, 04/23/2011 - 9:10am.
Who gets married on Good Friday? SIN VERGUENZA!
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Haha! BLASPHEMOUS AND DARK-SIDED!
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Submitted by Fraggle: I vary between 665 and 667, depending on hormones.
I give it ten months. I don't know though, if Eddie's in it for the money he'll probably be around a couple of years.
http://mycashdragon.com/?id=1230
so I'm betting 5 years, throwing my $50 bucks on the table (loser has to blow Poopele).
LMAO! I was gonna say the loser had to listen to all of Leanne's "greatest hits" on repeat for 48 hours. But BJ's sound a whole lot better lol
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"I was half a virgin when I met him!"
-Mean Girl,Regina George
Submitted by Bjork You on Sat, 04/23/2011 - 9:01am.
Submitted by TOPANGA: "Alright..I have 50 bucks on a year with her getting knocked up at least once...who's in? *throws a fifty on the table*"
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I'm in!!! And, she could be preggers as we speak... look at St.Ang - she was skeletal during her pregnancies.
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One of my favorite movies of all time Mi Vida Loca saying:
"Take all of your happy little shit and go."
MK 4/21/11 National High Five Day
"LeAnn is going to poot out a baby with eyes as tiny as a baby fly's urethra. Seriously, eyes about the same size as the mail slot on the front door of a flea's house"
ah MK... THIS is why I loves youuuuu!!! poor kid...
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One of my favorite movies of all time Mi Vida Loca saying:
"Take all of your happy little shit and go."
MK 4/21/11 National High Five Day
They look alike with their squinty eyes.
@Brandi - (AKA BJORK YOU)
Listen, low-flying tittyballs, I swear on this whole grain cracker cut into thirds that Eddie isn't over there. He's on a strict diet and doesn't eat PORK!
Leave us alone and I'll stop applying colorstay lipstick right before kissing your kids.
And if he IS over there, how does my bunghole taste? It's what he kissed at the ceremony.
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Submitted by Fraggle: I vary between 665 and 667, depending on hormones.
LOL dueling banjos is awesome, and you may be right about the kids! His current kiddies look more like Brandi than him so those genes aren't that strong!
Plus -
He's the new K-Fed! ... E-Cib! Pop out two kids then go back to either ex! Ex sex is the best for some people.
Submitted by Granny Clampett: "Their kids are going to look like the banjo boy from Deliverance. Google "Banjo Boy from Deliverance" if you don't know what I'm talking about and come back and tell me I'm RIGHT!"
Yes!!!! The Dueling Banjo song was probably their wedding march.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wcZlxCNzQqw
Who gets married on Good Friday? SIN VERGUENZA!
Score one for LeAnn! I think she just wants to prove that he REALLY does love her. Of course she best not take those squinty eyes off him for long because we all know he will be fucking somebody else the first chance he gets.
.... bets on how long this will last? I give it 2 years, and it will only last that long because LeAnn will fight for him harder than Star Jones at a wig sale.
Submitted by SugarFreeRedBull: "LOL@ Byork You! Your befuddlement is soooo charming dahlint!
*weighs, then eats a lettuce leaf*"
Don't you patronize me, you Falcor-looking husband stealer!!! Eddie will return to me; in fact, he's in my bed now. No, he didn't run out to get a pack of cigarettes. His head is between my legs now as I type. Yeah, bitch, I'M THAT GOOD AT MULTITASKING. While you're eating your lettuce leaf that you will throw up, Eddie is eating me (I will give you time to gag on the visual; even I am. I mean, come on, you know what I look like.) Yeah, that's right, bitch, I AM BRANDI AND ALSO YOU KNOW WHO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by jerseygirl17 on Sat, 04/23/2011 - 8:28am.
No mention of a pre-nup. Well played, Eddie.
True. He needs to knock her up, too. I don't really follow her career, but I suspect her best income years are behind her--hence all the silly twattering and pizza-party pix.
It'd be classic if he lucked into some big role and hit it rich. He wouldn't need her anymore but would be at risk if they divorced.
Submitted by TOPANGA: "Alright..I have 50 bucks on a year with her getting knocked up at least once...who's in? *throws a fifty on the table*"
This union might last a bit longer because I see Leanne getting very, very emotional should Eddie try and leave her. I totally see her pulling some "Fatal Attraction" shit where she threatens to kill herself (and does so half-heartedly, like slitting her wrist with a butter knife or trying to OD by swallowing a bottle of baby aspirin), starve herself...every trick that has been used by a desperate soap opera villianess will be used by Leanne. So, I give it about two years for the love to go (the love for her money will always be true and lasting), but add another two to get free of Falcor's clutches. Oh, and there will be a baby (probably in a year; she might be knocked up now, but I doubt it because she weighs as much as Melania Trump's brain), so I'm betting 5 years, throwing my $50 bucks on the table (loser has to blow Poopele).
Submitted by SugarFreeRedBull on Sat, 04/23/2011 - 8:42am.
*weighs, then eats a lettuce leaf*
hahaha. Hey, Fatso.
whatever. fuck those 2 losers.
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Finally, I can see you crystal clear
Go ahead and sell me out and a I'll lay your ship bare
See how I'll leave with every piece of you
Don't underestimate the things that I will do
-Adele
How long before she comes out as "LeAnn Cibrian?" Which "Rimes" by the way.
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"I'd hate to have to go around thinking of health & shit like that." Keith Richards, 1997
I give this pre-divorce ceremony 2 years max. These two are both so annoying.
Their kids are going to look like the banjo boy from Deliverance. Google "Banjo Boy from Deliverance" if you don't know what I'm talking about and come back and tell me I'm RIGHT!
LOL@ Byork You! Your befuddlement is soooo charming dahlint!
*weighs, then eats a lettuce leaf*
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Submitted by Fraggle: I vary between 665 and 667, depending on hormones.
Submitted by SugarFreeRedBull: "Bjork You - when two assholes get married, and you know they're gonna break up, instead of 'Wedding,' MK calls it, 'Pre-Divorce Ceremony.'"
Oh, okay, thanks. I would totally believe it if Rimes (you!!!!!!!!!) Twittered that stupid phrase. I don't want to get judgmental SFRB (I mean, Rimes), but you know that Eddie will cheat on you, hopefully with Brandi (insert Other name).
Oh, and I like your version of "How Do I Live" the best, Rimes (I mean, SFRB).
No mention of a pre-nup. Well played, Eddie.
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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate
Bjork You - when two assholes get married, and you know they're gonna break up, instead of "Wedding," MK calls it, "Pre-Divorce Ceremony."
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Submitted by Fraggle: I vary between 665 and 667, depending on hormones.
What is a "pre-divorce ceremony"? Is this when you marry someone who is already married and not yet divorced, sort of rendering your marriage illegal and your new spouse a pseudo bigamist?
You know, this is the most attention this woman has gotten, especially outside of the world of country music. While she achieved early fame and has a great voice and continues to successfully record, it seems that her scandals outweigh her music (suing her father, cheating on her husband with a married man).
She's never had such attention before with this Brandi/Eddie crap, constantly Twittering about her and Cibrian's every move (with her PR team working their end). If it was so intimate, with only about 40 people, and those guests didn't even know about it, then why would we? Oh, I know. SHE told us. So much for privacy.
What did he tell his sons? Daddy was sleeping with another woman while married to Mommy, so it makes perfect sense to now marry this woman while still married to Mommy.
Eddie lifted LeAnn's luck dragon tail last night and gave the blushing bride his third squinty eye.
YOU GO EDDIE!
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Submitted by Fraggle: I vary between 665 and 667, depending on hormones.
I couldn't give less of a fuck if I was given every single fuck on earth to do whatever I please with for the rest of my life!
Submitted by Bossy
I hate these kinds of couples. I hate it even more when it lasts. Like when two scumbags cheat on spouses, get together, and then spend the rest of their lives together and have kids. It's gross. The whole foundation of their family is based on something so vile. So I really hope these two break up in the worst kind of way and I know that's mean but I can't stand how unapologetic and smug they are about how they got together.
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I completely agree! That relationship has bad karma written all over it.
Alright..I have 50 bucks on a year with her getting knocked up at least once...who's in? *throws a fifty on the table*
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"I was half a virgin when I met him!"
-Mean Girl,Regina George
She's only 28!!! No way! She looks OLD!
OMG, Gretchen is gonna go bonkers now. She hates LeAnn's guts.
LOL - LeeAnn didn't waste a minute on a huge wedding blow-out, she knew she had to rope him in quick before he moved on to his next paycheck... I mean "relationship". Enjoy it while it lasts sweetie.
ETA: GOD BLESS THE EYEHOLE-SLITS!!!
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Welcome to a world where the people teaching our youth are making 1/20th of what the whores tainting our youth are making. YAY!!!! - MK 4/9/11
I hate these kinds of couples. I hate it even more when it lasts. Like when two scumbags cheat on spouses, get together, and then spend the rest of their lives together and have kids. It's gross. The whole foundation of their family is based on something so vile. So I really hope these two break up in the worst kind of way and I know that's mean but I can't stand how unapologetic and smug they are about how they got together.
I still like her
"more annoying than a tampon made of Brillo pads"
"eyes about the same size as the mail slot on the front door of a flea's house"
Really MK, I'm not trying to be a suckup fangirl - but as usual, you deliver the definitive lol account of this momentous (not) occasion.
Actually, I salute them for getting this shit over with quick. Very uncharacteristic, but good anyway.
I just can't ever look at Eddie without seeing him in (for those who don't know) "But I'm A Cheerleader," an uber-silly & lighthearted spoof of the "ex-gay" movement in which he plays the impossibly hunky and dimwitted son of Cathy Moriarty, the Phyllis Schlafly-type commandant of the gay rehab camp, and is always being lusted after by head counselor RuPaul (playing a man). Really, Eddie should have just hung up his career after that - it was his acting and sexiness peak.
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"End well: this isn't going to." - MK
Unemployed husband. Nice.
Let the c(o)untdown to divorce begin: 3, 2, 1... And I had no clue Cibrian is into trannies. That would explain his "relationship" with Leanne. Amazing transformation this woman has gone thru: from the girl next door/pretty to skinny/anorexic tranny. Evolution or involution? U decide... Take a look at him. He looks anything but happy at least in this pic. Not to mention that his charm is gone...
He better hide her birth control pills and get her knocked up ala Federline, the best male gold digger.
oooh gimme 10 on the bridal party
Dey kids gon be BLIND
I can't help but wonder what their kids would look like. In the eyes department, that kid is doomed as Eddie nor Hot Piece LeAnn have the sexy eyes going on. And Eddie looks like he lisps.
We should start a pool. Not when Eddie cheats, c'mon, you know he has already. Who will be the one to spill the beans to Star? What occupation? I've got a ten spot on nanny and cocktail waitress.
Lmao. Lmao. Well, congrats to them both. Lots of Lmao's from me.
Somebody should hack into Twitter and take it down for good. Only then these two will finally go away.
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"Sal, darling, you are the reason some women go gay. ♥" - Submitted by Dog on Fri, 07/09/2010 - 6:32pm.
"life is precious, you must not have watched The Lion King, you heartless fuck"
i knew I had to be up for some reason , I just didn't know what it was. Gretchen should make her appearance in 5 , 4 , 3 , 2.
now she can get eat!!!!!!!!!
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No one is perfect... that's why pencils have erasers.
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They have stopped deceiving you, not loving you. And it seems to you that they have stopped loving you. Antonio Porchia
"about than 40 people" Wow, People magazine, really? Nice catch.
Also, this is a huge pile of who-gives-a-fuck. I give them 5 years tops and I feel really bad for any potential offspring of theirs (then again, I doubt the emaciated Falcor can even get pregnant at her weight).
Submitted by snideychick on Sat, 04/23/2011 - 12:57am.
I declared open hunt on the Easter Bunny already, but we don't live in a rural environment, so that was rather pointless. This was my second best option for trying to spice up Easter.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
Submitted by snideychick on Sat, 04/23/2011 - 12:57am.
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Sat, 04/23/2011 - 12:47am.
And to think that we actually have someone on the inside, because Gretchen was undoubtedly a pivotal part of this wedding!
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Mickey you've sent out the batshit signal by mentioning She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named!
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LMAO!!!
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Submitted by Fraggle: I vary between 665 and 667, depending on hormones.
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Sat, 04/23/2011 - 12:47am.
And to think that we actually have someone on the inside, because Gretchen was undoubtedly a pivotal part of this wedding! I'm looking very much forward to her minute by minute account.
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Mickey you've sent out the batshit signal by mentioning She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named!
Someone send out the Schlong signal!