Prince Hot Ginge has just under 6 days to find the biggest belt buckle flask to wear with his uniform to Prince William and Kate Middleton’s wedding this Friday, because they have done the absolutely unthinkable: they have put a ban on all beer and hard liquor at the reception! WHAT?! HOW?! HUH?! WHY?! Kate and William want to keep pinkies up, so they have chosen to serve only fine champagne (no ANDRE allowed) in flutes and wine (I’m not talking rosé and 7-Up either). If the belt buckle flask doesn’t work out, PHG better find a way to hook himself up to a portable feeding tube filled with vodka, but this shit is serious.
A source tells The Mirror that Kate and William think it’s all kinds of not classy for their guests to down pints while surrounded by royals of the world. The source went on to say, “There won’t be any beer. “Let’s face it, it isn’t really an appropriate drink to be serving in the Queen’s presence at such an occasion. And while the younger royals enjoy a pint from time to time, neither Kate nor William is a big beer drinker so they decided to leave it off the menu. It was always their intention to give their guests a sophisticated experience and they have chosen the food and drink with this in mind.”
They want to give everyone a sophisticated experience?! Well, then they’re already failing. A wedding doesn’t get stamped with a “sophisticated experience” label until guests have seen the bride in her wedding gown fish a can of Bud out of a kiddie pool filled with bagged ice while balancing a paper plate of El Pollo Loco on the other hand. Trust me. I’ve been to a lot of weddings and nothing makes me feel like I’m at a real special affair like that image.
In other royal wedding news, the entire guest list has been released. It includes Posh & Becks, Elton John, Joss Stone (????), Guy Ritchie (you know Madge is pissed), Mario Testino, Ian Thorpe and Rowan Atkinson. While scanning the 10-mile long list, I tried to think who I should try to impersonate when I crash that shit to get a sip of gin from PHG’s belt buckle flask. Would I make a more believable Monsignor Philip Kerr or Princess Maha Chakri Sirindhorn of Thailand?