The Mayor Of Florence Wants To Destroy The Cast Of Jersey Shore
On May 8th, together as a nation we will pry 8 swollen warts off of our armpit and toss them across the ocean to Florence, Italy where they will wreak havoc upon the people and suck the booze out of the city until all that's left is a few dried-up grape vine roots. Or maybe not. The Mayor of Florence, Matteo Renzi, has agreed to let Snooki and her band of humping drunktards past his city's front gates as long as they follow a strict set of rules. A strict set of rules that will most likely result in those whores turning into a dust that will be carried off to the spot where Sodom and Gonorrhea (Freudian slip that stays) once existed. Two words: NO BOOZE.
An Italian newspaper (via Gawker) posted the conditions that the Jersey Whores must follow:
The cast will not be filmed in bars and clubs that serve alcohol.
The cast will not be filmed drinking in public.
The show will not be filmed to promote Florence as a drinking town.
The show should be filmed in a manner to promote Italy (not Americans visiting Italy) and feature its culture and good food.
So they'll have to fill their veins with the sweet nectar in the privacy of their hotel rooms before they go out? They'll be like an 18-year-old me who couldn't find a fake ID, because I'm too ethnically ambiguous. I found a match in my friend's 40-something cleaning lady, but she refused to give up her old ID. Selfish.
Anyway, Snooki without booze is like SNOOKI WITHOUT BOOZE. She'll be fine for a few seconds, but the the itch for alcohol will be too much to bear and she'll start attacking those around her to suck the vodka directly out of their veins. Like a drunk zombie blob on the attack.
We should send Mayor Matteo a thank you card in advance.
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Submitted by stepha on Wed, 04/20/2011 - 2:53pm.
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Not boring at all :o) I love hearing travel stories. They're like my crack. And don't worry about being hormonal on here, I have had many a day like that on here too. I could tell you have genuine love for the place because you seemed offended by the earlier statements. Understandable, I have some soft spots too. Cheers!
Nothing is more important in this world than lookin' spiffy
Spiffy,
Did not mean to get all "spiffy" on you! ;)
I guess I read the previous comments which (you are correct) are far worse and by the time I got to you I was fuming. Apologies as my hormones are raging today.
I guess part of the problem is that Italy in August SUCKS!! I mean it in the best of senses. The best time of year to go is September to November or April to June. In August (especially back in 1998) the main cities would empty out and the people that stayed were not the best.
Nowadays with the recession and the lack of money many people are forced to stay longer in the city as their vacations have been shortened.
I remember when I moved to Italy in 2000 during the month of August you could not find the best restaurants in Rome/Milan open even if your life depended on it. Especially during the week of ferragosto (which is August 15th).
Towards the end of my stay many restaurants in Milan were starting to stay open and there were a few more choices. There were supermarkets actually open something unheard of before!!
I wanted to tell you another funny side note... My husband is Italian and it pissed me off he would not ask for my number the day I met him. Apparently he did not want to be pushy. But my Boy is from the North of Italy and I feel they are wired differently. I honestly don't think I could have been with a southern Italian boy. If you go to the streets of Milano it will be seldom when boy will harass girls. You also become jaded as the MOST beautiful women walk all over the city during fashion week (models and wannabes).
Southern Italy is another country in comparison to the North. In fact there is this rivalry going on. Italy is a fairly new country as it was unified in the 1800's.
Anyways, I don't mean to bore you with these random bits...
Lulz.
Tell the Mayor he doesn't need to bother. I'm certain they will do it themselves.
Submitted by stepha on Wed, 04/20/2011 - 10:20am
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You're taking too much offense where none needs to be taken. Lighten up. I am far from small minded and am most indeed well traveled for my thrity something years (lived and moved everywhere since childhood). I personally never claimed expertise on ANY country but my own, but even then I have much to learn. And I completely agree with you on how well the vast majority of the Italians carried themselves. However, just like American and Brits can be obnoxiously loud and overindulge in alchohol, Italians can sometimes be quite snobby and the men overly forward. Also, I'm from a world famous tourism state, and have to deal with spoiled idiotic tourists on a daily basis. Therefore, I tend to not have much sympathy for other tourist trampled regions of the world.
We are all merely making casual observations about what each of us personally witnessed when it came to CASUAL stree behavior on our journeys and enjoying the differing stories. If you'll notice that my story was the most tame and digressed most from the rest of the posts and most complimentary by far. We all had a different experience. I didn't even run into many drunks on my visit. I love Italy and could write a book on my sensory impressions, BUT this is a gossip site....so I was trying to remember my dirtiest stuff. Sadly, my trip appears to have been boring by comparison and that was the worst I had to share. We come her to share the down and dirty and blow off steam.
And it goes without saying that the current generation of teens the world 'round are doomed. Not new information. See be-poofed "french-manicured turd" (love that Mickey) above for reference.
Nothing is more important in this world than lookin' spiffy
She looks like a Umpa Lumpa.
I lived in Italy for more than 10 years. I agree it a lot of the things are not "romantic" ideal that it used to be. Unfortunately part of the problem is ignorant tourists have ruined the country. You see people littering on Piazza di Spagna, students getting wasted in Florence and tourists throwing their wrappers in the venice canal. Italians are moderate in their alcohol intake (only wine and beer) so the drunk people you tend to see on the streets of Florence are drunk foreign students.
Also the food quality in very touristic cities (Venice and Florence) has gone down because a lot of restaurants have become tourist traps.
But in NO way would I call Milan ghetto!!
It shows how small minded and not travelled at all people are. There are beautiful zones to Milan besides the Duomo. Brera, corso venezia, via montenapoleone, foro buonaparte, castello sforzesco, etc...
I love tourists that travel somewhere once in their lives over 12 years ago and they believe they are sole authorities on the subject.
Oh and when I used to be an exchange student in New Mexico (I was 12), I saw a couple of students my age having sex in front of us while we were watching Fievel Goes West in the movie theater. I don't see why you would be shocked at some teens/pre teens making out in a subway when here in the US they are giving BJ's and having sex. It's not a country the problem. It's the whole generation and what reality TV has done to it...
Florence was a shithole...the only part of Italy I did NOT enjoy. The noise level in that city makes NYC seem like a peaceful countryside retreat. They will fit right in with the rest of the assholes there.
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Fancy's Big Surprise: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3r5BLdqxig
Fancy's Big Surprise Part 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PY4we9Ivg9M
"ethnically ambiguous" ur killing me today MK!
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"Why won't you be perfect? Stop being so fat and lumpy. I fucking hate you, you cunt polenta."
I do realize that Jersey Shore is a reality show but a SHOW nevertheless, and the cast of the show is only giving the people what 'we' want and making zillions of dollars doing just that and I dare say I dont blame them one bit. We shouldnt hate on Snooki,Pauly D or the Situation,they are only doing what is making money for them while the time is ripe for this to happen,and who of us wouldnt? They have far surpassed any Warholian notions of our '15 minutes of fame' and blown Kate Gosselin,Octomom, Paris Hilton and all the other famous nobodies completely out of the water. I say 'go for it!' you crazy guidos and guidettes ,grab the money while you can and exploit yourselves to the fullest. You are a lucky bunch of people who managed to find a pot of gold.
Andre,could you bring me my fan,,could you bake it in a cake or stick it up your ass or something? I must have my fan RIGHT AWAY"
Dear Snooki, One day you will be 35. I hope you are smart and have kids by then because;YOU ARE A STUPID AMERICAN WHORE ON A REALITY SHOW! GET A FUCKING LIFE BEETCH!
I was in Florence last month...tons of American students being loud, obnoxious and drinking too much until 3 in the morning outside the window of my hotel room .. a waiter at a restaurant told us there are over 30 American college abroad programs in Florence alone...they will have no problem there.
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Annelle, honey, what do you say we talk some trash.
Every time I see this fat fugly tangerine-colored imbecile's face, I want to slam a manhole cover on it.
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"I'd hate to have to go around thinking of health & shit like that." Keith Richards, 1997
is the mafioso foe hire in florence? they would do the world a solid if these jersey shore tricks were eliminated from the planet...
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Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve and Talent...
"Lot Lizards In Tiaras"
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Tue, 04/19/2011 - 11:02pm.
She looks like a turd with a French manicure
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Fucking LOL! bwa hahahaha
Nothing is more important in this world than lookin' spiffy
Submitted by ricki lake on Tue, 04/19/2011 - 6:02pm
I did my Italy journey way back in 1998. Maybe things have changed? I personally wasn't groped, but I'm ginge (or auburnite) and not blonde.. Italian men suffer from the same affliction many men do, where they are so obsessed with the blonde they can ignore a busted face that goes with it. I went with a group of 8 fellow female college students. Two of the girls (blondes)were stalked and screamed at, BUT they were courting it and wearing their sluttiest outfits. Those two were out to get laid. Florence was charming, Venice nice for a day, boring after that. Rome, a bit snooty and dirty. Milan, yep a bit ghetto. Otherwise, I didn't really see any dirty nast porno type stuff. Oh wait, I DID see two 12 year olds full on making out in the middle of the train station in Milan. That was disturbing on many different levels. I went in August. Wrong time of year to go to Italy to begin with, so maybe all the horn dog pervs were inside or on vacay?
Nothing is more important in this world than lookin' spiffy
...So let me get this straight. The mayor of Florence is purposely taking away from the J'Shore cast the one thing that makes them interesting to the world so that they are less interesting/appealing to their viewers, leading to them either a) filming a boring ass season and being cancelled sooner than imagined, or b) the cast being scared away from Italy by this absolutely horrid thought! I like the way this guy thinks. : )
"I make myself sick, Get on my own nerves. Immature, insecure,Grown up nerd."
-Fat lip (The Pharcyde)
Submitted by fishsticksfan on Tue, 04/19/2011 - 11:50pm.
Thanks for the service! That was a lot of gorgeousness in one clip, up to and including the coffee cups. Also I love Gwen as a brunette. All in all a great start of my day.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
Submitted by MrPossumsMama on Tue, 04/19/2011 - 7:49pm.
Snooki is from Chile.
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Not that I want to defend this vile insipid bitch, but she's Italian Chilean.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Italian_Chilean
I hope people in Italy eat them alive.
Mickey, check it out. It has pasta and meatballs, pastel vespa, polka dot dress, and handsome Italian man with a tailored suit. Click here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGwZ7MNtBFU
Good on the mayor. But if it's like most filming agreements, the producers will agree to almost anything then willfully violate it. In fact, I bet the mayor caves as soon as the mordita gets big enough.
Submitted by fishsticksfan on Tue, 04/19/2011 - 11:33pm.
I fear I'm somewhat behind in the music video department these days, but I'm definitely going to look this one up.
Gwenny and I sharing a fantasy, who would have thought?
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Who are you calling silly cow?
Signor Renzi, marry me.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Tue, 04/19/2011 -
I picture myself sharing a pasta meal Lady & The Tramp style with some Italian god named "Vincenzo" (he's wearing a custom tailored casual outfit and I'm in a polka dot petticoat dress, our pastel colored retro scooter is parked outside) and in comes SNOOKI, for crying out loud. How's that for a mood killer?
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MICKEY, I think you are channeling I Know We're Cool by Gwen Stefani who made this video on Italy's Lake Cuomo.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGwZ7MNtBFU
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Tue, 04/19/2011 -
I picture myself sharing a pasta meal Lady & The Tramp style with some Italian god named "Vincenzo" (he's wearing a custom tailored casual outfit and I'm in a polka dot petticoat dress, our pastel colored retro scooter is parked outside) and in comes SNOOKI, for crying out loud. How's that for a mood killer?
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MICKEY, I think you are channeling I Know We're Cool by Gwen Stefani who made this video on Italy's Lake Cuomo.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGwZ7MNtBFU
Italy isn't a good place to go for partying. (the type of partying they do) They should have gone to Spain or Greece to mingle with the real Euro trash.
She looks like a turd with a French manicure. The mayor of Florence is right for protecting his lovely town from trash. I picture myself sharing a pasta meal Lady & The Tramp style with some Italian god named "Vincenzo" (he's wearing a custom tailored casual outfit and I'm in a polka dot petticoat dress, our pastel colored retro scooter is parked outside) and in comes SNOOKI, for crying out loud. How's that for a mood killer?
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Who are you calling silly cow?
They may as well just cancel the show then
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What's up, douchebag?
And I thought Italy was guidos in speedos.
Still smell pickles in vodka vomit when I see this js trick ugh
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Tsuru-maru..."A "minor" character, a blind man, the innocent victim of the war that rages all round him...he's lost the last protection that he had - a picture of the Buddha - and now he stands alone, in the midst of ruins, at the edge of the abyss..." - Akira Kurosawa's "RAN" (1985)
it seems like milan or rome would make more sense. florence is lke a honeymoon getaway, like venice. that's like "the real world, martha's vineyard."
I watched about 15 minutes of Jersey Shore once to see what the hype was about. If I want to see a bunch of ugly drunk people act like trash I'll just go down to the corner bar. I honestly was hoping "reality" tv would give way to a less annoying fad but it seems to have some staying power. Fuck reality.
"When I'm good I'm very good but when I'm bad I'm better." ~Mae West
People still watch these useless waste of space asswipes? YAWN!
Submitted by TrashyWilma on Tue, 04/19/2011 - 8:46pm.
LOL... I can picture her traipsing through Uffizi with that same pink purple drank, cupping David's balls and flipping everyone the bird from the roof of the Vatican.
"Also, it's not seedy Italians that are preying on American tourists. It's the Gypsies and North Africans."
How charmingly racist of you. I don't know what it's like now, but when I was there 20 years ago, the Italian men sure knew a thing or two about preying on tourists, and natives alike. At the train station buying tickets, the guy at the counter would short change everyone in line. Every single one. You would stand in line for 15 minutes and every customer would count their change and then have a long argument with him until they got their correct change. He knew everyone in line was on to his game, and he still played it every time. The train conductors would also shake you down for a "supplement" to your ticket and then say he'd come back with your change (If you ever saw them again on the trip they would take off and disappear).
You must be Italian too. Because I have never seen people be so openly racist as in Italy (but then after dark they all want to get with the black African prostitutes. they don't want no dingy american style blacks. They want pure black africans).
@Joe Schmoe That stupid Two-A-Days was filmed at our High school.
Submitted by TrashyWilma on Tue, 04/19/2011 - 8:46pm.
There's no point in sending them to Italy in the first place. Does anybody really think the cast is going to be touring the Duomo or visiting art museums? It's not like America will actually get to see the city.
Don't give them any ideas...they might have Snooki fellate the Statue of David, or something.
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"Fuck that guy for thinking anybody and everybody should want to do Glee." - Dave Grohl
There's no point in sending them to Italy in the first place. Does anybody really think the cast is going to be touring the Duomo or visiting art museums? It's not like America will actually get to see the city.
It's the same reason I never understood why "Real World" changes cities. 90% of the filming takes place in the studio living quarters. Who cares if it's Dallas or San Diego?
http://smellmybutt.tumblr.com/
Submitted by chlyn on Tue, 04/19/2011 - 8:04pm.
Ohhhh, look at...that's NASTY! They're SO NASTY!! :D
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Hahaha! "Look at that tired bastard!"
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Honey badger don't give a shit.
I would move to Florence tommorrow if I could. I was there for about a month and found my way around. I knew all the good parts, bad parts and snotty parts. I chose the same places to eat for my stay and I became a regular. Yeah Italians are loud but they are like that everywhere. That's the culture, the polar opposite of the whispering, no word for "no" Japanese.
The place to go is the lake Como area. OMG Yes please. It was great when VH1 did that Strange love show with Gitte Neilsen and Fuffy fuffy..I mean such beauty Lake Como clashing with the ugliness of FLavor Flav and Brigitte. LOL. I loved it!
Seriously I'm with the Mayor here, you DO NOT want to get arrested in Italy.. er... if you are a producer on the show, well then, yeah you do want to see snookie and ronnie locked up abroad! RAtings baby....
now we will see how "fun" they really are
has anyone seen those extra online vids stuff that didnt make the cut all they do is lay around and do nothing and they are just boring...
*tell em get in line and kiss your ass MUAH!*
God, she is a nasty and vile piece of trash. Ugh.
Fucking Classy - Athens is fantastic (and hot and dusty as hell in summer and I hope you like the sound of a gazillion mopeds!) and the resturants are good (so is the street food) the women are lovely (aside from the bushy armpits) but the men are dirty, ignorant pigs. No offense to pigs.
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Dark-sided!
Well, I guess they won't be going to Florence after all. The entire show revolves around these fools drinking and clubbing and if they can't do that, there is no show.
Also, it's not seedy Italians that are preying on American tourists. It's the Gypsies and North Africans. They're dark like the Italians, so everyone assumes they are. But most of them cannot even speak Italian. The North Africans speak French, so I was talking to them quite a bit over the summer. They're the ones you have to watch out for! And the Gypsies are amazing pick pocketers.
Also, it's not seedy Italians that are preying on American tourists. It's the Gypsies and North Africans. They're dark like the Italians, so everyone assumes they are. But most of them cannot even speak Italian. The North Africans speak French, so I was talking to them quite a bit over the summer. They're the ones you have to watch out for! And the Gypsies are amazing pick pocketers.
I used to live in Florence, Italy, and I really have no idea what most of you are talking about. I was also there this past summer visiting friends and showing my 12 year old around. Florence is beautiful and clean and I find the Italians charming. It was the Americans there that were the worst. Talk about loud and brash! You can hear an American a mile away in a restaurant when you're in Europe. They're always so loud. And I love Rome. It's an ancient city. It is not going to have the same standards of cleanliness as a lot of cities in the States, but I find most cities in the States dirty as well, especially New York and L.A, and they're not thousands of years old like Rome is. I'd take Italy any day over most cities here. (I am not a fan of Milan, however, and as beautiful as Venice is, no one can afford to live there!)
Submitted by louise_brooks on Tue, 04/19/2011 - 7:46pm.
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Honey badger don't give a shit.
Ohhhh, look at...that's NASTY! They're SO NASTY!! :D
*kicks ugly bitch in the head and takes that huge drink*
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"When I pass a flowering zucchini plant in a garden, my heart skips a beat."