Where Do I Begin?
You know shit is an extra kind of busted when the hottest piece in a picture is knee-length denim skirt, suede boots and a facial expression that says: "I am so not fucked up enough to deal with this mess in front of me." It's okay if Lindsay Lohan insists on looking like a 50-something worn out lot lizard circa 1981 who trades handjobs for Camel Cash and knows which gas station bathrooms in a 10-mile radius still have working locks on their doors, but why is she styling Steven Tyler 17-year-old Ali Lohan the same way? I know they're at Coachella, but it's really not right that Ali thinks she has the stuff to work a pair of Mexican abuelo moccasins. Not today. Not ever.
Furtherwhore, LiLo really needs to turn that camera around and get an up-close picture of the top of her head which looks like it was just the scene of a battle between peroxide, weave glue and meth lab sparks. I didn't know "meth part" actually existed until now. When LiLo goes to court on Friday to possibly plead GUILTY (she won't), the judge better throw the book at her. The book being "The Weavemaster's Bible," of course.
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Is that a Canon G12? Sweet camera, Lindsay
I would have swore that was a pic of Paris and Nicki Hilton. Ali really doesn't even look remotely like a teen. Has she had her nose reduced?
At least she didn't say Earth Day.
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Wow, little sis looks like our schizoid semi-homeless lady that yells at imaginary people in front of driveway.
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Ali always plays like she despises paparazzi attention.
"O yer so annowying!"
God, Ali looks like she's in her late 30's. How can a 17 year old girl look so rough and worn out?
Come at me bitch!
That looks a lot like a Canon G12. She may be a stupid fucking idiot, but at least she can probably figure out how to operate that awesome camera.
Submitted by Dr. Dick on Mon, 04/18/2011 - 11:25am.
Is that Ali Lohan or Ali McGraw???
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Exactly what I thought!
Back when Ali McGraw turned 40!
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http://www.whosdatedwho.com/tpx_21333/marc-bolan/tpx_1652472
Ugh, bitches be lookin' like they STANK!
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Hey baby! Did heaven lose a star? 'cause you've got niiiiiiice cans...
You know actually Curious Case looks good in these pics...and maybe HOhan would too if she would stop fucking with her lips...I think Curious Case does look older than Hohan...but either way that family tends to age everyone quickly...except for Nana...she is one hot memaw...she needs to escape that family stat!!
Submitted by charlie m _____________________
"aging usually starts with a dullness of the skin. at around 30 to 40. next comes fine lines and eyebags. and then jowls. if you look closely at these people they don't have that. ali is obviously very young.
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Refers Charlie M to Exhibit A
(MK's post of March 29th featuring close ups of makeup free HagHan. :-P)
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"You're ugly and your fucking bag is ugly too."--John Galliano (allegedly)
I bet most of the other partygoers were trying to stay as far away from her (and the curious case) as possible!
Glad to see she really practices her Catholicism in her real life...sarcasm soo intended cause nothing says good catholic like cocaine abuse, sexual promiscuity, lying and stealing and manipulating the court system!! YOu go good catholic girl! Hohan looks busted and Curious Case looks older than me, and I am in my late 40's...disgusting clan..makes me proud of my dysfunctional roots!!
ok I don't get this wanting the court date pushed back because of Good Friday. Why postpone the inevitable? Or perhaps she wants a photo op of her walking into church decked out church lady style to trick potential jurors into thinking she's saintly and we all know saints would never steal right? so CASE DISMISSED!
Give it up Hohan. We all know your track record and it ain't pretty.
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now is the time for guts and guile ~ Dame Elizabeth
I tried to "observe" Good Friday at an old job, by not coming in because i thought it was unfair that a jewish co-worker got to do it during whatever holiday (pardon my ignorance, please), got to take the day off to observe hers, so i got reprimanded. I guess the jewish boss and the other boss (italian, wanna be mobster, catholic, duh) did not think it's the same.
edit: or maybe they saw through my ruse, like everyone is seeing through LiLo's lol
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Mon, 04/18/2011 - 12:34pm.
PSL, I wish the judge would say "Sure, no problem! Date moved to Thursday the 21st."
As a former Catholic, I can't think of any valid reason that even a practicing Catholic can't go to court on Good Friday. We went to *school* on Good Friday, and that one day of making construction paper bunnies was far less critical than a court date. You observe Good Friday by fasting, so unless the judge plans on stuffing meat and alcohol in her mouth, she's good to go.
Edited b/c I have no idea what my phone spellcheck did to the word critical
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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate
Curious Case looks like she's doing the Hoky-Poky.
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"I'd hate to have to go around thinking of health & shit like that." Keith Richards, 1997
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Mon, 04/18/2011 - 12:34pm.
this is too funny.
http://www.crazydaysandnights.net/2011/04/when-it-comes-to-court-hearing...
I want to fucking punch her in the face.
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I want to inflict severe bodily harm to that twat.
She wants to observe GOOD FRIDAY?!?!!!!!
Oh my God. I believe she needs to be struck by lightning for lying about her "faith" to delay the inevitable.
I also hope the judge tells her to fuck off and reinstates mandatory drug and alcohol testing six times a week. She can have off on Sundays so pissing in a cup won't interfere with her sabbath.
Ali looks like WO in a black wig.
As someone said on CDAN (mighta been one of you hoes), the judge should ask her what Good Friday is and THEN decide whether it should be postponed. Reminds me of an ex I had, who had a Jewish dad and Catholic mom. He took every holiday each religion offered.
As usual, she is pushing to see how far she can go.
Linnocent, you are just as deluded as the Lohans.
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I'm not Mr. N SYNC I'm not what your friends think
I'm not Mr. Friendly I can be a prick if you tempt me
-Eminem
this is too funny.
http://www.crazydaysandnights.net/2011/04/when-it-comes-to-court-hearing...
I want to fucking punch her in the face.
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I'm not Mr. N SYNC I'm not what your friends think
I'm not Mr. Friendly I can be a prick if you tempt me
-Eminem
Bitch needs major help.
I think she looks okay except the hair. I don't see why Ali shouldn't be there as Lindsay has made some progress with her recovery since Betty Ford.
According to Radar Friday's appearance could be short as Lindsay and her lawyer want a delay in the prelim as it's Good Friday and she and her family are Catholic.
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Mon, 04/18/2011 - 11:35am.
She's not trying to hide her wasted eyes with the camera?
DING!DING!DING!!
THAT'S Ali????
Fuck me, she looks like a 45-year-old methhead whose mugshot would be shown in my narc class.
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www.soldiersangels.org
"May No Soldier Go Unloved"
The proper pronunciation is 'bitch, please'. - Jana
Lindsay's legs are looking good. usually when she gains weight, her legs look icky.
Ali is just fucking disgusting. And she is so trying to be sexy. What a laugh.
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I'm not Mr. N SYNC I'm not what your friends think
I'm not Mr. Friendly I can be a prick if you tempt me
-Eminem
Submitted by Ophelias evil twin on Mon, 04/18/2011 - 12:04pm.
Submitted by Mr. Mercury on Mon, 04/18/2011 - 11:47am.
By the way..those tickets to Coachella aren't cheap. Did she steal them again this year?
Didn't you hear Mr. Mercury? She's got a sugar daddy in NYC.
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Yow! Is he blind or otherwise impaired?
"Seymour!! You said you'd never get married until you bought me an iron lung!"
Submitted by snowpiece on Mon, 04/18/2011 - 12:08pm.
WHY WON'T CUNT POLENTA LET ME BE GREAT!?!?!?!
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HAHAHAHAHA slow clap
I thought this festival was supposed to be a good time, but after reading the past few days' worth of MK posts on Coachella, I think I'd rather go to the Gathering of the Juggalos.
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"Fuck that guy for thinking anybody and everybody should want to do Glee." - Dave Grohl
She's holding that camera the way my one year old nephew holds a toy that he can barely keep from dropping and that his eye is nowhere near the peep hole. I secretly hope she gets the Lana Lang role though, and gets her shit together, just to spite all of us. (never gonna happen?)
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This signature will be publicly displayed at the end of my comments.
http://hipandcritical.blogspot.com/
WHY WON'T CUNT POLENTA LET ME BE GREAT!?!?!?!
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"Why won't you be perfect? Stop being so fat and lumpy. I fucking hate you, you cunt polenta."
Submitted by Mr. Mercury on Mon, 04/18/2011 - 11:47am.
By the way..those tickets to Coachella aren't cheap. Did she steal them again this year?
Didn't you hear Mr. Mercury? She's got a sugar daddy in NYC. Don't know if it's true but it wouldn't surprise me since she's got cash flow problems. Anywhores, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. Mommy is making guest appearances with her former arch enemy Fudgie the whale to teach kids about healthy eating. Hey it keeps the dealers paid and off their backs.
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now is the time for guts and guile ~ Dame Elizabeth
Submitted by charlie m on Mon, 04/18/2011 - 11:59am.
Submitted by BitchHouse on Mon, 04/18/2011 - 11:52am.
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oh i'm much older than 42. i have something to contribute. do you?
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Yes. I cannot read or speak the word cunt ever again without attaching "polenta" next to it.
As far as the other stuff you are talking about, what's your point.
Submitted by BitchHouse on Mon, 04/18/2011 - 11:52am.
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oh i'm much older than 42. i have something to contribute. do you?
Submitted by Pamela on Mon, 04/18/2011 - 11:25am.
charlie m when you are 17 you shouldnt look like your in your early thirtys and same goes for when you are 24! Im thirty and my hubs was SHOCKED to know I was older then this chick! METH is a helluva drug! Nobody should age that much in such a short amount of time.
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aging usually starts with a dullness of the skin. at around 30 to 40. next comes fine lines and eyebags. and then jowls. if you look closely at these people they don't have that. ali is obviously very young. what really, really ages these people is the processed hair and makeup and overly manicured eyebrows. if you want to look really young, leave your hair alone, keep eyebrow grooming to a minimum and wear little makeup.
Submitted by charlie m on Mon, 04/18/2011 - 11:20am.
this crap about saying someone looks 45 when they are 22 is wearing thin. it's like saying i have a 10 inch boner with an 8 inch. who the hell cares. people age, they get older. along with that comes eye bags, dull skin, subtle lines, jowls. it's part of the aging process and usually hits you from about 35-42 years old. get used to it, it's nothing new.
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Did it hit a nerve because you're OLD?? Are you saying, stop being a cunt to old people by saying "don't look old?" Are you saying "stop being an ageist cunt, polenta?" Don't worry i'm "old" too, i'm 42.
Submitted by Pamela on Mon, 04/18/2011 - 11:25am.
charlie m when you are 17 you shouldnt look like your in your early thirtys and same goes for when you are 24!
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exactly.
Submitted by charlie m on Mon, 04/18/2011 - 11:20am.
this crap about saying someone looks 45 when they are 22 is wearing thin. it's like saying i have a 10 inch boner with an 8 inch. who the hell cares. people age, they get older.
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I get what you are saying. But I think it's more that rough living (partying) ages a person. Cigs, drugs and alcohol binging will prematurely age people. Ali and Lindsay clearly like to party.
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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate
Haha, last year we were all making fun of LINDSAY because she was at Coachella all by herself, if you remember. This year she has Ali Baba to be her crowd of admirers. By the way..those tickets to Coachella aren't cheap. Did she steal them again this year?
"Seymour!! You said you'd never get married until you bought me an iron lung!"
Ali is only 17 years old?
I didn't even recognize her... she look at least 25 years old.
So sad. So sad.
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One minute you're crying on their shoulders, the next minute you're using your tears as lube to ride that shit and fuck the hurt away.- The Brilliant MichaelK- 3/10/11
Linds: the cameras are digital now. You don't have to peer thru the lil hole anymore...
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"Why won't you be perfect? Stop being so fat and lumpy. I fucking hate you, you cunt polenta."
She's not trying to hide her wasted eyes with the camera?
Arcade Fire, Wake Up (Coachella 2011)
Ali needs to change her name and head for the hills, otherwise bitch is doomed.
Submitted by BitchHouse on Mon, 04/18/2011 - 10:53am.
Bitch has no cellulite.
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I think those freckles disguise it pretty well.
Submitted by BitchHouse on Mon, 04/18/2011 - 10:53am.
Bitch has no cellulite.
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I think those freckles disguise it pretty well.
Submitted by moomarse on Mon, 04/18/2011 - 11:27am.
Submitted by Pamela on Mon, 04/18/2011 - 11:20am.
Submitted by Ophelias evil twin on Mon, 04/18/2011 - 11:09am.
the only problem I see with this billiance of hers is the lens cap is closed. DDDUUUURRRRRR!!!
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DOH! Didnt quit make it off the short bus there Linds! Maybe next time! Maybe next time!
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Submitted by Lurker on Sun, 06/27/2010 - 7:03pm.
Submitted by Pamela on Sun, 06/27/2010 - 6:51pm
damn girl, you tell it like it is!!!
Submitted by Mr. Mercury on Mon, 04/18/2011 - 11:19am.
...I actually finally gave in and watched "Machete" over the weekend...LINDSAY's "acting" could have been done by any department store dummy on wheels with a voice-over
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Bwhhaaaa! Store dummys everywhere are protesting and rioting re: defamation!
{{{HUGGUGUGGUS Mercury}}
*runs out to lunch w/ smiles cause Merc arrived*
edited
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"How about never? Is never good for you?"
Submitted by Pamela on Mon, 04/18/2011 - 11:20am.
Submitted by Ophelias evil twin on Mon, 04/18/2011 - 11:09am.
the only problem I see with this billiance of hers is the lens cap is closed. DDDUUUURRRRRR!!!
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It sounds like I'll need to be drunk, stoned and suffering from a minor concussion to deal with this fuckery. MK - November 2008