Yesterday, Brooke Mueller hustled hard for clean piss when she found out that she had to undergo an unscheduled drug test in connection with her child custody agreement with Charlie Sheen. No word yet if Brooke’s scheme of disguising herself as a potty training technician to steal clean piss from a toddler worked, but TMZ is reporting that she had another Intervention moment yesterday. Brooke Mueller might be Broke DrugMueller, because TMZ has footage of her trying to get some quick cash for a fancy watch and a stereo at a pawn shop in Inglewood, CA. Because Brooke didn’t bring any kind of I..D., she walked out of there empty handed.
Brooke gets $55,000 a month in child support from the Warlock Jester of Duhville and on top of that received millions of dollars in her divorce settlement, so she shouldn’t be that hard up for money. When you’re hawking shit for a quick dollar at a pawn shop in Inglewood, it usually means that you need to bail a bitch out of the clink or your dealer refuses to take a handjob and lap dance as payment.
And the video! Damn. Brooke is nervously pacing like me at the porn store when the cashier is ringing up my purchases and I know I’ve only got $100 on my debit card. You know that feeling. The total is rising to your reaching point and you’re saying a silent prayer that one of the crazies from Extreme Couponing would magically show up with a double coupon for butt plugs. Brooke was acting like a serious strung out version of that.
But I’m sure there’s a good explanation for this. Brooke volunteered at a child’s orphanage earlier that morning and accidentally left her wallet there. By the time she realized this, it was already nap time at the orphanage and she didn’t want to wake the sleeping angels, but she really needed the money to adopt a group of puppies from the pound that were about to be snuffed out. That explains the pawn shop visit and the nervous shake (PUPPIES LIVES WERE AT STAKE!)
Or maybe the toddler she was trying to steal clean piss from realized what she was up to and demanded a diaper bag full of cash. I swear, IN THIS ECONOMY, even toddlers are refusing to lower the price of their clean piss.