Who Wants To Piss In Brooke Mueller’s Cup?

There’s a good reason for why Brooke Mueller is chasing puppies in her neighborhood around with a plastic cup in her hand and has offered to do Fergie’s laundry for free. Radar says that Charlie Sheen’s ex-wife had a drug test today and there’s a good chance something (see: crack) in her piss ain’t clean. If Brooke tests positive for the bad shit, a judge could snatch away custody of her twin boys.

A friend of Brooke’s said that she found out early this morning that she’s got to squat over a plastic cup of doom. As soon as Brooke found out, she started calling up her friends and begged them to piss in her vagina (or whatever) so she can pass the test. The friend went on to say, “Brooke admitted to relapsing. She hasn’t been returning calls, which usually means she’s using. She’s absolutely freaked out that this potential dirty test could result in her losing custody of their 2-year-old twins (Bob and Max) to Charlie.”

Brooke not only looks like the taxidermy head of a shocked deer, but she has the brain of one too. I mean, don’t they check the temperature on the cup after you piss on it? Not only that, but why is Brooke asking her friends for piss when she’s got two toddlers at home whom I’m guessing have never touched booze or an illegal substance. She’s got clean piss on tap at home! Just get one of the twins to piss in a Ziploc bag, shove the bag up your twat so it will stay warm, waddle over to the testing facility and spray your way to a passing test. I swear, do I need to move into that ho’s head and do all the scheming for her from now on?