Fishsticks Paltrow is EVERYWHERE whoring out her cookbook like the bill from her exclusive organic herbalist is due tomorrow and so she’s giving interviews to anybody who will stick a recording device under her mouth (Pre-approved by her people, of course. Fishy cares about where her spit lands.). Fishy exchanged words with Self Magazine and they talked about what she puts in her mouth (fried clams, red wine, duck sausage, the distilled tears of the maids she scolds for washing their hands in the guest powder room instead of the servants sink in the cellar), how much she works out during the week (90 minutes a day, 5 times a week) and how her trainer Tracy “Batwinginator“ Anderson is solving the problem that is her SpongeBob ass. Yeah, this is the mess that came out of Fishy’s mouth when Self asked her about her challenge areas:
“My butt! My butt, butt, butt. When Tracy met me, she said that I had a long, square butt that she was going to redesign, and I was, like, “Yeah? Good luck.” The amazing thing is, she was right! And it’s still changing!”
Redesign?! Okay, now I watch a lot of DIY Network (because men in tight t-shirts talking about wood and calk speaks to me in a special way) and I know that during a remodel you can’t remove a load bearing pillar. You just can’t. And Fishy’s got a major load bearing pillar shoved so far up her culo that if she opened her mouth really wide you could see the top of it. It’s not going anywhere, so she should just embrace her flat, square, long ass. It’s a beautiful thing. The kids can even roll out dough on it for pizza that will go into the fancy oven in their garden. It’s fun for the whole family.