Which World Are We Talking About, Exactly?

April 13, 2011 / Posted by:

There was a time when it seemed like JLo was scootin’ on the fast track to Has-Beenville and wouldn’t be able to sell out a street fair concert in the Bronx or land a spot on Telemundo’s Farting with the Stars, but she has changed lanes, re-signed her contract with Satan and IS BACK! JLo’s on a TV show that millions of eye balls stare at, has a single out that millions of ear holes have been exposed to and has now been named the World’s Most Beautiful Woman by People Magazine. Yeah, I guess stuffing the ballot box with Chantal Biya’s name was a waste of time and energy since the only vote that counted was the cashiers check to People from Eternia’s business manager.

JLo will call la migra on her maids if they don’t refer to her as “the world’s most beautiful woman,” so she’s used to the title, but told People that being gorgeous is part of her job. JLo then said something that made me kiss my monitor with a shot of Juan Valdez. I present you with JLo on her diva reputation:

“I kind of like it. We’ve kind of owned it now. But I certainly don’t like and I’ve never been a person who has what they call ‘diva behavior,’ which is something they tried to pin on me for a long time.”

Yes, they haven’t been able to pin on it her, because if it’s not made of platinum, covered in diamonds and been spit shined by a newborn (JLo HATES tainted spit), it’s not going on her body.

And I bet that right after she got off the phone with People, JLo sent her slave down to Skeletor’s dungeon for punishment after he served her lunch of endangered dolphin skewers with a side of Creme de la Mer sauce on a white cashmere tablecloth instead of a tablecloth threaded from the hairs of albino children. NOT A DIVA!

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