Despite there being pictures of ScarJo looking like she’s shaking her fetus by jogging with Sean Penn, she claims she’s not pregnant. ScarJo is not going to birth out a baby with the face of a sun-dried German Shepherd and the tits of a Samoan anytime soon. But UsWeekly says that Sean and ScarJo are force feeding their relationship with speed pills by moving in together after only bumping nipples for a few months. End well: this isn’t going to.
ScarJo had been living at a hotel in West Hollywood, which she moved into shortly after she pushed the Ryan Reynolds out of her life. A source tells UsWeekly that 26-year-old ScarJo recently moved her things from that hotel into 50-year-old Sean Penn’s house in Malibu. The source went on to say that they mostly just stay home and hang out with Sean’s two kids who aren’t much younger than ScarJo.
Every time I’ve moved in with a trick after dating for just a quick minute, it’s ended in tears. Mostly the tears come from me after said asshole breaks my most prized possession (examples: a pair of autographed lucite heels from Shauna Sand, a Precious Moments lion figurine from my mom) after throwing it into the hallway. ALWAYS. Usually my decision to move in with someone I barely know happens because of dickmatization.
If the dick is good, I think that by moving in with them I’ll have good dick whenever I want it! Like a never-ending buffet of good dick without a line. But then I soon realize that the good dick is attached to a douchebag who will change the channel to CNN when I’m trying to watch House Hunters International, and will hide my dog at his ex-wife’s apartment after reading a semi-sexy time e-mail I sent to a stranger (that happened in real life). But I’m sure this will never happen to ScarJo since Sean Penn has a pristine history of being completely reasonable and totally calm in relationships! (But bitch should still hide her Precious Moments lion figurine).