Oh, it’s good to have our good old David Arquette back! I was scared there for a minute. When David checked into rehab, part of me thought that they drugged him in his sleep, wheeled him into the back room and surgically implanted a Brita filter into his brain to keep him from spewing TMI shit like he did before he went in. All was quiet for a while, but David opened his mouth to his friend Howard Stern and filled us in on the comings and goings of his dick.
Basically, he’s going more than he’s coming. David says that when he reunited with Courteney at Disney World, he tried to get her to take a wild ride on his Mr. Toad, but she politely got out of line and dropped her Fastpass into the trash. All the details we don’t really need to know from UsWeekly:
As usual, Arquette was blunt. “Listen, I tried to fuck her, and she doesn’t even want me,” he told Stern and his crew. “Oh, that’s probably something I shouldn’t have said,” he added regretfully.
The star (who appears in Scream 4 with Cox) admitted that the family-friendly getaway amidst Mickey Mouse et al got him feeling romantic and hopeful. “This is the happiest place on Earth! Let’s make it happier!”
“I mean, I love her. I love her with all my heart,” he explained.
Stern, of course, pressed for details. “How far did you get with her? Just kiss?” the shock jock asked. “A little bit. It was like we were…eighth graders. Seventh graders.”
Even though Cox rejected him, Arquette took pains to insist that Cox isn’t hooking up with Josh Hopkins, 40, despite all appearances to the contrary.
“We have a really super fucking honest relationship and [a new romance with Hopkins] would have come up,” he told Stern.
You know, I was about to seriously type that David just blew any chance he had at getting blown by Courteney’s cooch again, but then I quickly erased it (and typed it again, just so I could say show you what I erased). It’s safe to say that Courteney is pretty used to living with a grown dude who always talks like he’s calling into Loveline.