Because We Really Need A Remake Of The Crow

We already know that Hollywood suffers from a major disorder and just can't stop regurgitating movies that should stay safe in its stomach, so nobody is surprised that they are planning a remake of The Crow (working title: Brandon Lee Hasn't Been Through Enough) starring Bradley Cooper of all bitches. I could holler out a billion WHY?!s over this, but I need to save some for when the executioner of Hollywood announces the remake of Bound starring Katy Perry and Kristen Stewart.

The Hollywood Reporter says that the man who used to be in charge of de-puckering Renee Zellweger by spritzing her with hot sauce is in talks with Relativity and director Juan Carlos Fresnadillo to take the role of Eric Draven. In the original, Brandon Lee (R.I.P.) played a murdered rocker who comes back from the dead to seek revenge on those who wronged him and his fiancee.

Some might say that The Crow is cursed, because Brandon Lee was killed during a stunt gone wrong, but I'm mouth queefing on that crazy talk. However, just to be on the safe side, they should replace all of the rubber bullets with cream cheese bullets. Better yet, just hire Michael Lohan as Bradley's double and make him do all the stunts.

Posted by: Michael K

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Submitted by Fraggle on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 9:45pm.

PHUCK NO!

You DO NOT MESS WITH "The Crow"!

EVER. The pathetic 'sequel' without Brandon Lee was bad enough.

There was only one Brandon Lee and he MADE "The Crow".

Phuck you, Hollywood. I hate you all.

Submitted by bookworm on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 9:01pm.

Oh NO they fucking don't! These fucking hideous remakes of classic films makes my blood boil. Don't fuck with perfection, you scummy parasitic money grubbing asswipes.

Submitted by caprica six on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 8:57pm.

JUST FUCKING N.O.

It will bomb and/or the set will be cursed. LEAVE IT ALONE.

*prays/chants/submits karma offerings*

RIP Brandon Lee.

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"How about never? Is never good for you?"

Submitted by loopygorilla on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 8:58pm.

OMG... okay i gotta admit,

AS MUCH as I would LOVE to sit on B-Coop's face and take a spin on his dick, he is not right for the remake of the Crow.

in fact, leave the crow alone.

Hollywood must be run by fucktards who don't know how to make a movie anymore.

That's why i prefer to watch foreign movies. French, korean, italian, british, japanese, hong kong, german etc etc cinemas come up with good shit WITH a 1/10th of Hollywood's budget.

so i dont get why Hollywood cant make good movies.

But instead they just deliver copies i.e The Ring, Let the Right One In, Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, La Femme Nikita, The Departed etc.

LEAVE THOSE FUCKING MOVIES ALONE!

Here is a tip for fucktards execs, Pick a good book and try to make a good movie from that.

Submitted by blacklily on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 8:56pm.

you cunting cunts...

:pulls a Victorian black silk mourning handkerchief from the duchess drawer & wipes away tiny black tears:

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...The wind is rushing after us, and the clouds are flying after us, and the moon is plunging after us, and the whole wild night is in pursuit of us...

Submitted by vidz on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 8:42pm.

NOooooooooooo!!! I love The Crow and Brandon Lee was one sexy beast. THe only person who could have done justice to the remake was Heath Ledger, and he's dead too.

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"Never ascribe to malice that which can adequately be explained by incompetence."
- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)

Submitted by AlohaGirl on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 7:02pm.

no.
No.
NO!

The Crow is a beautifully gothic movie with the perfect cast, from Brandon Lee to Michael Wincott to (I can't believe I am going to type this) Bai Ling and Ernie Hudson and that heartbreaking little girl! Even Eric Draven's cat is perfectly cast!

And to think that "They" (whoever the fuck "they" are) are thinking of putting WonkyAssFace BCoop in place of Brandon Lee is just...AAAARRRRGH inducing.

And just for the record, I was an extra on a movie with BCoop and dude is wonkified like it is nobody's business! He was nice enough though, he took time to talk to us lowly extras, but oh-my, that face of his is...let's just say somebody was seriously distracted when they were putting Mr Potato Head back together!

Take That SuckandFuck!

Submitted by AlohaGirl on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 7:01pm.

no.
No.
NO!

And to think that "They" (whoever the fuck "they" are) are thinking of putting WonkyAssFace BCoop in place of Brandon Lee is just...AAAARRRRGH inducing.

Take That SuckandFuck!

Submitted by kikichanelconspiracy on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 6:17pm.

"ount me clueless on the B.Coop appeal. I find him creepy & smug. He just reeks of "date rapist".

THANK YOU! My girlfriends all flip their shit over him and I'm all 'No, no. Nope. That motherfucker has the meanest eyes I have ever seen on another person. He'd chisel your self-esteem into a eating disorder, taunt for you not eating at the restaurant, sexually harass the waitress and then leave her a shitty tip." I hate this fucker based on his eyes alone. For all I know he spends every waking hour rescuing puppies and orphans, but nothing will convince me that he's not a total shitbag.
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If love had a dick I would eff with it. But it doesn't (it has a no crotch like Barbie).

Submitted by karmaskull on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 5:09pm.

Count me clueless on the B.Coop appeal. I find him creepy & smug. He just reeks of "date rapist".

*******"Curtsy motherfuckers!" - Michael K. 04/30/10*******************

Submitted by Bree on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 4:04pm.

This is unfucking real.

I am a huge fan of The Crow (the movie and the graphic novel) as well as Brandon Lee (in all of his movies) and this is just absurd. Not only would a remake totally ruin a cult classic, BCoop is possibly the WORST person for the role!

Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 3:47pm.

FUCK THESE ASSHOLES!

BRANDON LEE FOREVER!

Submitted by pollyhatesthekettle on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 3:11pm.

I'm calling bullshit on this... are they sounding out a remake? Saying BC is starring is a handy way to see if anyone would actually go see the film with someone more convincing as the lead roll.

I loves me a good conspiracy theory he he

Submitted by CandyPerfumeGirl on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 3:02pm.

Oh whatever...he would make a fantastic Crow. I love Bradley Cooper - he hasnt completely whored out yet and I think he is a good actor.
..

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"Charlie you fucking bitch, let's work it out" - High Fidelity

Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 3:00pm.

gucci - that is exactly how I felt when I first read this this morning.

Brandon is rolling in his grave.

Submitted by gucci on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 2:57pm.

You know what? fuck this. i mean really: FUCK THIS! *walks out of D-listed and slames the door*

WHAM!!!!!

___________________

"The world is a pretty nice place if you're happy"

John Garfield
No one lives forever

Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 2:55pm.

You want to remake movies Hollyweird?

Then why not start with shit like "Night of the Comet" or another B/C grade movie that pretty much no one knows about?

Submitted by mike on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 2:49pm.

Bradley Cooper's appeal mystifies me, as does the popularity of The Crow.

Submitted by hoganbcmj on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 2:48pm.

This makes no sense to me. Cooper is a Gillette commercial with sparkly blue eyes. WTF?

Then again, I'm going to give Jenn Lawrence a chance with Hunger Games, even though that makes no sense either...

*******
This signature will be publicly displayed at the end of my comments.

http://hipandcritical.blogspot.com/

Submitted by iHeartHaters on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 2:42pm.

NOOOOOOO!!! Brandon better come back & haunt the set...these mofuckers. Fright Night also?!! Fuck this shit. I hope planet x or a meteor ends this shit once and for all!!!

~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♥~♦¤♦~♥~
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lnRDU4LdZE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t56s4dZ1_rs

WIGS EYES DO SHOW WHEN HER SLOT TALKS OR SOCK STOPS!! OKAY WOW!!

Submitted by Whatever on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 1:59pm.

Not a good idea. Then again Hollywood can't come up with any new ones.

Submitted by RockstarDani on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 1:48pm.

As a child that movie always freaked me out. I remember the one time it came on the WB...I was too scared to watch. : /

"I make myself sick, Get on my own nerves. Immature, insecure,Grown up nerd."
-Fat lip (The Pharcyde)

Submitted by jalynne on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 1:34pm.

If your daddy isn't Bruce Lee, you don't get to play this part. Step away, bland boy.

Submitted by Few Words on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 1:29pm.

what a load of bullshit

☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.

Submitted by Infamous on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 12:18pm.

Is Hollywood going to keep doing remakes until Im dead or what? Wheres the original screenplays?!

www.theinfamouslife.com
www.twitter.com/so_infamous

Submitted by Die gelangweilt... on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 12:14pm.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS SHIT!!! FIRST I HAVE TO READ ON IMDB THAT THEY'RE DOING A REMAKE OF 'FRIGHT NIGHT' WITH THAT SLEAZE COLIN FARRELL AS JERRY DANDRIDGE (PURE BLASPHEMY!!!) AND NOW THIS FUCKERY!!!! THE CROW IS BRANDON'S LEGACY!!!! LET HIM REST IN PEACE!!! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGE!!!!!!!

♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬

Rrridiaouw woo oo rrri-ou!

Submitted by ILovePapaSmurf on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 12:12pm.

"Submitted by nono on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 1:29pm.

Agreed that he is too soft for the role. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that is a terrible choice. Whoever said Heath was right on, but he is gone :(

I am sure there is some other dark brooding actor that could do the role justice. B Coop just always plays the horny jerk. He better re-visit the actors studio:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IXu0obfV4X8"

He has beautiful hair. I hate him.
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"Submitted by suckandfuck on Fri, 04/16/2010 - 5:46pm.

I would slaughter a thousand babies for an hour alone with Mike Rowe."

Submitted by nono on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 11:59am.

Agreed that he is too soft for the role. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that is a terrible choice. Whoever said Heath was right on, but he is gone :(

I am sure there is some other dark brooding actor that could do the role justice. B Coop just always plays the horny jerk. He better re-visit the actors studio:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IXu0obfV4X8

Submitted by Snarf on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 11:55am.

FAIL. B-coop is too old (among other things). If they really wanted to do the original movie justice, Sam Witwer (Smallville, Being Human) would be excellent.

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Shiitake happens...

Submitted by Puto on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 11:54am.

If its a gay porno called the "Crow" then Bradley was cast perfectly.

Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 11:53am.

Submitted by putas on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 12:45pm.
@ Snowpiece- Donna Tartt (spelling it wrong prob) book? That book was AMAZING. I kept telling my husband why is this not a movie? It would be a hit. I wish I had money so i could buy the rights to it. I swear it could really be a good movie. And I could see that happening in real life too.

And @Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 11:08am.
The scene where he was shot in the movie is where he dies? They could not have actually kept that scene then i mean it would be crossing a line ethically. They probably spliced out the actual shooting so his death would not be on camera for the movie.

I love movie but I swear every time I saw it I had to leave to the room during the rape scene. I can never watch those. The guy with the long black hair- what is his name?- the main villain- he is an incredible actor. Great voice and distinctive looking. I like a good vengeance movie where the good guys win. Brandon Lee was not only handsome but in interviews he seemed like a genuinely good guy.
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Yes, right scene, wrong take. The took several tapes of that scene, but they did not use the actual footage of when he was really shot. They used a clip filmed prior.

Submitted by The Real Mean Girl on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 11:48am.

Bradley as an emo ghost? No. Just. No. Does not compute!!

I LOVED The Crow as a teen and Bradley is too pretty white boy for this. They need an actor who can be gritty. I agree with whomever said Heath would've rocked this, but just not B-rad.

Sorry, boo!

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"Love ya, mean it!"

Submitted by Rdeadline on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 11:42am.

I really liked that book too. I don't think it would be that hard to adapt.

Submitted by snowpiece on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 11:34am.

putas:

http://aishia.livejournal.com/77526.html#cutid1

I just found this, pretty good casting ideas

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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK

"Why won't you be perfect? Stop being so fat and lumpy. I fucking hate you, you cunt polenta."

Submitted by Deputy Trudy Wiegel on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 11:24am.

That picture of Brandon reminds me of Heath Ledger. If he was still around, I could see him pulling it off. I don't know about Cooper, though. Still, there's so much bad juju surrounding The Crow, they should forget about the whole thing. I like the suggestion of re-releasing it to theaters.

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You know, maybe if you ate more comfort food, you wouldn't have to go around shooting people.
***

Submitted by snowpiece on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 11:18am.

putas YES! ITA, lets buy the rights and everyone on Dlisted can invest!

Only unknowns in the cast too.

BTW: I recommend it to all our Dlisted book club readers.

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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK

"Why won't you be perfect? Stop being so fat and lumpy. I fucking hate you, you cunt polenta."

Submitted by putas on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 11:15am.

@ Snowpiece- Donna Tartt (spelling it wrong prob) book? That book was AMAZING. I kept telling my husband why is this not a movie? It would be a hit. I wish I had money so i could buy the rights to it. I swear it could really be a good movie. And I could see that happening in real life too.

Submitted by ILovePapaSmurf on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 11:00am.

"The Crow" is cursed. Lee died and that Ducaccass (total spelling error, but ya know!) is hosting "Iron Chef: America." Completely cursed!
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"Submitted by suckandfuck on Fri, 04/16/2010 - 5:46pm.

I would slaughter a thousand babies for an hour alone with Mike Rowe."

Submitted by Cake666 on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 10:43am.

Damn Hollywood and all their fuckery.

B!i!i!iD~
For your health.

Submitted by Team Valtrex on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 10:33am.

They using the original soundtrack?

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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"

Submitted by RichBitch on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 10:31am.

Love me some Bradley Cooper but why The Crow of all things? Makes. No. Sense.

Submitted by clairey claire on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 10:30am.

Oh hell no. That film WAS my 15 year old goth self. If they had to remake it, which they don't, they couldn't have got someone that wasn't in the fucking Hangover? You know, an actor with a little credibility?

I propose a mass boycott of this fuckery.

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"It's always funny until somebody gets hurt-then it's fucking hilarious": The late great Bill Hicks

Submitted by jerseygirl17 on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 10:30am.

There are a handful of craptastic straight to DVD Crow sequels, isn't that enough ?

Given the circumstances surrounding Brandon Lee's death, you'd think they would leave this alone. But besides the obvious, to replace him with the pretty boy of the moment instead of a martial arts expert-type is just so WRONG. A year from now, we'll find out Chuck Norris did 85% of Bradley's fighting anyway.
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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate

Submitted by IrishFury on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 10:22am.

LEAVE BRADLEY ALONE!!!!

Although he needs to shorten down to Brad. I know he's doing it because of the other Brad but when I say his name (usually doing private time in my bedroom) I feel like I'm chastising a small kid.

Oh and I thought the crow was an interesting movie but not a "legacy" thing. I just didn't think it was THAT good.
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Dark-sided!

Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 10:19am.

Madam Pince - 100000000000000000000000000000% agreed.

Eliza worked on the set with him. After his death they dedicated the movie to THE BOTH of them.

Remaking it is a slap in the face.

Submitted by Somuchbetterthanyou on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 10:16am.

Submitted by ewlulu on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 10:41am.

"As far as I know, there are thousands of books written every year.
Surely a few of them are good enough to be made into a NEW movie..."

################################

And plenty of original screenplays get tossed because the writer is not the son of someone already shitting up the biz or they can't imagine cheap-ass burger joint kidz mealz toys to tie-in to market the hell outta it.

Submitted by Madam Pince on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 10:08am.

This is really disrespectful to Brandon Lee and his family (including Eliza Hutton).

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"... a kidney stone that was expelled by the mind of M. Night Shamalamadingdong ..."

Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 10:07am.

Submitted by Soultonic on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 11:36am.
Brandon Lee kinda left a legacy with this movie - after he died, this movie became his signature movie. Sorry Bradley, I doubt you'll have the same edge as Brandon Lee. Maybe you should do another A-Team movie...ugh
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Agreed.

Submitted by Soultonic on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 10:06am.

Brandon Lee kinda left a legacy with this movie - after he died, this movie became his signature movie. Sorry Bradley, I doubt you'll have the same edge as Brandon Lee. Maybe you should do another A-Team movie...ugh.

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Don't hate me cause I'm DLeautiful