That Time Of Day When GOOP And Jay-Z Masturbate Each Other's Egos
The extra hung egos of Jay-Z and Fishsticks Paltrow crawled into a shrine to themselves and spent a good hour or two non-stop jacking each other off. Every few minutes, a certain verbal stroke (example: "You are the coolest man on Earth, how the f did you get like that?") would make one of them ejaculate a GOOP bomb and they'd keep on going. By the end, the inside of that shrine smelled like organic smugness and self-entitlement. If that image is enough to shower your monitor with bile, then tell your stomach to save a little for the interview, because that shit is worse.
As part of the launch for his new lifestyle website Life + Times, Jay-Z let his friend Fishy interview him for HER lifestyle website GOOP. Ugh. What resulted was a bukkake of self-satisfaction. Read 'em and let your stomach weep barf tears up into your throat.
GP: Life + Times is incredible—aesthetically, culturally … When did you get the idea to start it and how long have you been working on it?
JZ: I started working on it in its various incarnations over a year ago. I've thought about it forever. You know how it works, seeing other sites and being either inspired or saying, "That's shit. I would do it like ..."GP: I love seeing everything through your filter, how do you decide what you are going to cover? How personal is this?
JZ: Well there is a basic metric for what we cover but, more importantly, I believe it's how we cover it. The DNA is to basically let the subject speak for itself. We don't want to tell you what to think. As far as how personal? I would say it has to pique my interest.GP: As someone who has walked through museums with you, eaten with you, heard music with you, I know firsthand how creativity in all areas lifts your consciousness. Do you feel that as a cultural figure of importance it is part of your responsibility to share what inspires you?
JZ: I think it's every human's job to inspire others, to feed one another's senses. Inspiration begets inspiration times infinity. Imagine if the person that was inspired to create the phonograph didn't share it with the world.GP: In one word answers, name someone or something in food, music, art and design, style, and sports that inspires you today and your favorite spot to be leisurely.
JZ: Food: Batali (he's like a rock star)
Music: MARLEY (the perfect blend of love and gangster)
Art: BASQUIAT (where music and art met and fell in love)
Style: MARC JACOBS (he takes the Bronx experience like 40 below boots and bubble gooses and puts it on the runway)
*Disclaimer: I know it's one goose 2 geese..
Sports: Muhammad ALI (enough said)
And my favorite spot to be leisurely is wherever family, friends, good food and wine are.GP: You are the coolest man on Earth, how the f did you get like that?
JZ: I'm around great women, starting with my mom. Women keep men cool. The hotter the chick the cooler the guy ... that sounds like a really bad rap line!
Jay-Z also asked Fishy a few questions for his site including how she got into hip hop ("I first was exposed to hip-hop when I was about 16 by some boys who went to collegiate.") and about her singing skills ("When I sang with you one night at the Royal Albert Hall a few years ago, it was so terrifying.")
Jay-Z and Fishy proved that one of their hidden talents is articulately speaking while their tongues are up each other's assholes. I mean, what the fuck is this?! "Do you feel that as a cultural figure of important...." Get a room, you two! Preferably a windowless room with no keyboards or recording devices in it.
They really need to put their 12" inch egos away before they start to make Kanye West feel inadequate.
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GP: As someone who has walked through museums with you, eaten with you, heard music with you
She didn't "hear" music with him, unless it was from the upstairs apartment. She "listened" to music with him.
"Hearing" happens any time a sound reaches your ears.
"Listening" happens when you give the sound you are hearing your attention.
Million dollar education and Dalton School doesn't teach the differece between listen and hear?
@mcnightmare
jz wouldn't have half of what he has if he wasn't married to beyonce. lets be honest here.
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"The world is a pretty nice place if you're happy"
John Garfield
No one lives forever
JayZ pulled himself up through a hustle that was illegal and isn't dead or in jail. admire his rap skills or not, he's memorized every word -many thousands of words, lines and verses - he doesn't write his songs down. i don;t know if misspelling is a sign of high intelligence, but that kind of memory is. and he started up and continues to run a multi-million dollar company.
you might not like him, but he isn't stupid.
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"Come Back As A Flower: Songs of Stevie Wonder" - w/Mimi Fox, Akira Tana and more - name-your-price download at http://tiny.cc/u5fa8
mcnightmare on Tue, 04/12/2011 - 11:13pm.
ubmitted by gucci on Tue, 04/12/2011 - 10:22pm.
yeah. like every word here was actually jz's own words and no one wrote anything on que cards for his dumb ass to read: yeah; i truly believe that jz is This articulate. YEAH FREAKIN RIGHT!
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i know this is a snark site but sometimes the stupid - yeah, i'll say it, racist - shit people say is insane. JayZ may be an illuminati puppet who breathes through his mouth, but he's definitely NOT stupid. anybody who knows anything about him knows that. i'm not even a fan.
and by the way, it's CUE cards, not QUE (spanish for "what???")
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oooh i see. my comment is deemed racist because he's an inarticulate thug who JUST HAPPENS TO BE BLACK... so i guess this means if he were white asian or otherwise and held the same characteristics(AND YES DUMB AND THUGGISH COMES IN ALL RACES) the comment i made wouldn't be deemed as such? yeah; i think thats what you're saying. either that or you're just damn stupid and don't have a clue.
that said, i suggest you go and look up what the word racist means before you ignorantly throw it at anyone else again. K? its for your own good.
oh; and jumping on someone over a little spelling error is pretty lame since its a well known fact that some of the most intelligent people in the world are bad spellers. you might want to think about that to.
NIGHTY NIGHT!
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"The world is a pretty nice place if you're happy"
John Garfield
No one lives forever
She's done the country singing, hard drinkin and lovelorn shtick, now she's preparing us for her debut as a rapper. Gwynnie P, Straight Outta the Hamptons. Shit's going to be tight, straight thug style. It's hard out here for a white girl yo.
oh God, they look sooo satisfied with themselves in that photo. I'd love to kick both of them in the face.
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I like living this way. I like loving this way.
Good god, that interview is frightening. Gwynie (the rich, white, middleclass daughter of Hollyweird royalty) and Jay-Z (the once poor, black, lowerclass son of ? Gwynie wants to show peeps that she can hang with dudes from the hood. She may be a prissy, uptight, frigid ice queen but she can kick it with cool black rappers.
Oh how blessed is the lowly black man to be praised by such a virtuous and ethereal white godess like Gwynie. PUKE!
Oh and Jay-Z is an egotistical tool too! Both he and Gwynie are overrated, overpaid and overexposed. Just piss off!
ubmitted by gucci on Tue, 04/12/2011 - 10:22pm.
yeah. like every word here was actually jz's own words and no one wrote anything on que cards for his dumb ass to read: yeah; i truly believe that jz is This articulate. YEAH FREAKIN RIGHT!
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i know this is a snark site but sometimes the stupid - yeah, i'll say it, racist - shit people say is insane. JayZ may be an illuminati puppet who breathes through his mouth, but he's definitely NOT stupid. anybody who knows anything about him knows that. i'm not even a fan.
and by the way, it's CUE cards, not QUE (spanish for "what???")
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"Come Back As A Flower: Songs of Stevie Wonder" - w/Mimi Fox, Akira Tana and more - name-your-price download at http://tiny.cc/u5fa8
yeah. like every word here was actually jz's own words and no one wrote anything on que cards for his dumb ass to read: yeah; i truly believe that jz is This articulate. YEAH FREAKIN RIGHT!
___________________
"The world is a pretty nice place if you're happy"
John Garfield
No one lives forever
thank you for finding such a flattering picture of these two.
http://soundcloud.com/burning_plastic
http://twitter.com/#!/burning_plastic
So, if a random black guy off the street with a rap sheet like Jay Z got anywhere close to her, do you think she'd sound the rape horn?
How does she explain to her kids how she asked someone "who the f did you get so cool" when he's known for having such a violent past?
"I first was exposed to hip-hop when I was about 16 by some boys who went to collegiate."
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Someone please kill this cunt and put us all out of our misery.
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Welcome to a world where the people teaching our youth are making 1/20th of what the whores tainting our youth are making. YAY!!!! - MK 4/9/11
Fuckittt! Why the fuck is Jay Z considered a great rapper? To me his raps are clumsy and forced, his rhymes far from clever. There are/were better rappers out there, including the old Lil Kim, Busta Rhymes, Andre 3000, even (gulp) Eminem. I HATE how Jay Z brays like a donkey in "New York State of Mind". The song was a hit because of the chorus and piano riff and of course post 9/11 sentiment. But the rhymes are SHIT!!
And Goopy, please shut it, get some botched Botox and paralyze your vocal chords please.
"...Oh mah gawd, I cooked truffles in the wood cast stone oven, and Iah forgot to think of dessert for Jay (richie rich) Z, and I got that dude that's on my goop ass tard, Morrisson, to pick up some caviar cause JayZ won't have peasant (nonhuman ancestry) inspiration cause royalty is what royalty does..."
BITCH FUCKING PLEASE! *closes one nostril; blows snot souffle in Paltrow's dessert*
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"How about never? Is never good for you?"
I wonder if they share fishmongers?
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
JZ looks like he has a fist up his ass - like some ventriloquist's better half ... I know that's not just my imagination
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As useless as a saggy pair of tits
Submitted by Drew on Tue, 04/12/2011 - 5:40pm.
@angel_i: Regarding the "I've walked through museums with you comment..." RIGHT?! I haven't heard something so pretentious in years. I love these two and want more shit shoveled into the trough.
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LOL! I might get into it if they get a reality show:)
♥ Threadkilla!
Every nation ridicules other nations, and all are right.
~Arthur Schopenhauer
@angel_i: Regarding the "I've walked through museums with you comment..." RIGHT?! I haven't heard something so pretentious in years. I love these two and want more shit shoveled into the trough.
As someone who has walked through museums with you, eaten with you, heard music with you, I know firsthand how creativity in all areas lifts your consciousness.
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WTF? Siddown, bitch.
♥ Threadkilla!
Every nation ridicules other nations, and all are right.
~Arthur Schopenhauer
Goopy's face says, "I'm standing next to a black man who is not going to serve me dinner or steal my handbag! Hurrah for me! Pass the Grey Poupon!"
I want to smash her in the face with a frying pan. Every award she has should go to her uber-talented mother, who was in one of my favorite TV movies EVAR with Anthony (not Antony, Fishpoop) Hopkins, "Guilty Conscience":
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0089239/
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"I'd hate to have to go around thinking of health & shit like that." Keith Richards, 1997
Submitted by poo
I don't.. .
*hork*
I can't... .. ..
*gack*
MTE. Aside from all the pretentious bullshit being spewed, this guy actually answers her stupid question about being the "coolest man on Earth." Who the fuck does that? Who would actually take that seriously enough to answer? Basically, he's just agreed that, indeed, he IS the coolest man on earth. Of course, anyone besides Fishsticks would've meant it as rhetorical question.
Normally I stop in just to type "Fuck you, Smith family!" Today, allow me to add "Fuck you, Jay Z and Gwyneth!"
"Basquiat- where music and art fell in love"??
Are you kidding me? ORLY art and music fell in love in the 1980s??
Piece of shit ugly fucker knows nothing about art.
Gawd - I just ate breakfast. Now I've got to try and keep it down.
.
http://www.whosdatedwho.com/tpx_21333/marc-bolan/tpx_1652472
Agree 100% His life is interesting, I can't with his art.
Submitted by Fucking_Classy on Tue, 04/12/2011 - 11:11am.
Oh and Basquiat is just about the most overrated piece of shit ever. All pretentious, dumb fuckers in their first year in shitty art schools say he's their favorite. I can't with this whole interview. PASS ME THE BUCKET, I'M GONNA PUKE.
Aww, Fishy has cool, ethnic friends. How GOOPy of her.
In most interviews Jay-Z comes off as a self-centered asshole, but every time he's on Letterman, he cracks me up. He and Dave have a good rapport.
On the other hand, nobody has a good rapport with the self-righteous cunt that is Gwyneth.
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"... a kidney stone that was expelled by the mind of M. Night Shamalamadingdong ..."
*GAG* What everyone else said. It looks like this is a subject that we can all agree upon!
TOPANGA
when she's ready to have children she'll use a good looking mans sperm and when the baby's born she'll try to pass it off as hers and jzs. these two are a mess.
"i'm a peaceful guy with bad intentions"
charlie sheen
What-The F*ck-Ever with these two. All sorts of pretentious fakeness going on in this interview. Beyonce only married this dude because he is the "King of Hip-Hop" and she is the "Queen of RnB", it looks good for PR purposes. But notice she still hasn't procreated with this camel face? Yea, like she'd have a kid that looks like him running around, never mind that it would totally "get in the way" of her career.
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"I was half a virgin when I met him!"
-Mean Girl,Regina George
Gwenny's neck is skinny and nasty.
" Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer"..William S. Burroughs
as a former groupie i know for a fact all married musicians sleep around, even if they try not to,they always slip up.
except i heard paul mccartney never fucked around on linda.
" Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer"..William S. Burroughs
i actually subscribe to GOOP. she is so pretentious and annoys me. did she win an oscar? i think she did for some movie i never saw. all i know is she has fucked alot of big names before her marriage.pretentious as fuck, kinda like madonna with her fake british accent. give me the 80s madonna anyday!!
jt
these two genuinely make me ill - please make it stop!!!
Submitted by super martian r... on Tue, 04/12/2011 - 11:04am.
Geez how does Beyonce bump uglies with this guy? Gross!
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beyonce can't do any better don't be fooled by her fake persona and looks.
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Beyonce is just as much ghetto trash as her sister, she just knows how to hide it better.
Barbado Slim 2008
Submitted by im_not_creative on Tue, 04/12/2011 - 11:39am.
I'm actually really surprised that Beyonce's dad allowed her to marry this guy. Isn't he supposedly as uptight as my sphincter when I think about how much I hate the Westboro Baptist Church?
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nope its all an act. the truth is mathew knowles is just as grimmy nasty and deceitful as his daughter. in other words, he's jz all over again minus the thug image and pants hanging down his ass. and if mathew were so "upper crust" his daughter would be educated and not poppin her ass on stage like a slut.
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Beyonce is just as much ghetto trash as her sister, she just knows how to hide it better.
Barbado Slim 2008
@Submitted by dlatina on Tue, 04/12/2011 - 11:23am.
I can't even. I don't know what to say. This reads like a parody. They both need a punch in the face
*****
Yes SOME sort of reality check is LOOONG overdue in both cases here. A punch in the face could do the trick. Maybe...no seriously, when I think about it , it probably wouldn't be enough, but it could be a start!
@Submitted by Fucking_Classy on Tue, 04/12/2011 - 11:11am.
Oh and Basquiat is just about the most overrated piece of shit ever. All pretentious, dumb fuckers in their first year in shitty art schools say he's their favorite. "
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Ahahhahaa ! Now that is pretty priceless!
Ok here's the truth:
JZ is a woman beater,
shot his brother
stabbed someone a while back
smacked a kids camera out of his hands because he didn't want him to take pictures of him.
Beyonce
Never sold out a world tour
is fucking her security guard
is jealous of other women who are better than her
has never won album of the year at the grammys during her solo career.
Gweneth:
Certified Snob who's mother is a very nice person
Is in a fake friendship with beyonce and is married to a rock star guy who fucks around on her.
THE END.
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Beyonce is just as much ghetto trash as her sister, she just knows how to hide it better.
Barbado Slim 2008
OMG, I just scrolled past this photo again and this time I thought it was Fishsticks and Andre Leon Talley. Holy shit.
Did any of you see those pics last week of one of GOOPY's kid's birthday? She was riding rides, playing with the kids, etc., and Chris was just sitting by himself under a tree, playing with his phone. I used to loathe him, but now, I think I understand him now.
Whose ass isn't she up? If you're rich and or famous you can bet they're somehow connected to Gwyneth. She's the fucking Jill Zarin of the upper classes. This bitch loves to name drop. And I love how she's "down" with everyone. If JayZ didn't have a shit load of money he'd be just another black dude Fishy turns her nose up at.
And JayZ you fucking plagarizer, Russell Simmons already has Global Grind. I swear he's always one step behind Russell claiming he did it first. Never liked this asshole. He's over rated.
*edit* fucking phone
Yeah. I read this today and I'm deeply disappointed in you Gwyneth. What a fluffy piece of ego-stroking shit. She just went about 50 notches down in my book.
Fishy hasn't been fucked in years probably. And if people are what they eat, then her vag tastes like lemon-flavored flax seed oil and grass...NASSSTY!
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"Poor is the man whose pleasures depend on the permission of another" - Vadge 1990
·...¸><((((º>·´¯`·. ¸.><((((º> .·´¯`·..·><((((º>
They both look like shit. He's gay right? Ain't know way he's tapping Beyonce.
*vomits*
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"I’m good when I’m alone. I’m comfortable when I’m alone. I can sit and do lots of things all by myself. Sex included."
— Johnny Weir
Fuck me running, I could only get halfway through this mess. I can't get over how fucking butt ugly Jigga is!
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www.soldiersangels.org
"May No Soldier Go Unloved"
The proper pronunciation is 'bitch, please'. - Jana
Seriously?? No..really...that was a conversation(interview) or have I put the bong down too late again..damn!
"Get a room, you two! Preferably a windowless room with no keyboards or recording devices in it."
Someone print this on a scroll, cuz this is the gospel.
Jay-Z's music has sucked since he married Beyonce. I have never been a Jay-Z fan, but on the ride home they were playing some of his old songs and the difference is night and day. He needs a new muse or just needs to never step in front of a microphone again.
@Hekki - He loves your crazy and your jokes. If you were all prim and proper, he wouldn't want to defile you.
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Submitted by Fraggle: I vary between 665 and 667, depending on hormones.