DWTS: Xenu's Voodoo Magic Against Kirstie Alley Is Working
For the second week in a row, Kirstie Alley's Dancing with the Thetans' performance went about as smooth as John Travolta's yearly prostate exam. Kirstie crushed her Thetans last week when she hit the floor after Maksim's leg muscle quit that shit, and last night her shoe came off halfway through her waltz to the Bellagio water fountain song. Someone is trying to ruin, Kristie! (Cut to George Lopez and Xenu filling the foot of their Kirstie Alley voodoo doll with kitchen sink lard so that it swells up and pops her shoe off).
Kirstie gracefully glided out onto the stage like Ursula trying to seduce Ariel's voice out of her froat, grabbed onto Maks (who was dressed like a bus boy at Knott's Berry Farm's finest restaurant) and sprinkled the dance floor with the magical powdered sugar that flies off of her feet. Kristie then slid onto the floor and I thought she was going to pull a Slim Jim out of her shoe or some shit. But Kirstie's strap refused to cooperate and she quickly tried to fix that mess before her next move. Who ever is in charge of welding that shoe to Kirstie's foot is totally out of a job this morning.
Kirstie picked up and continued without anymore issues. The judges gave her 22 out of 30. Afterward, Kirstie joked to UsWeekly that someone is trying to Showgirls her:
"I think it's a conspiracy! I think the other girls cut my shoe!I don't know if I handled it well or not well! When your shoe comes off, you either put it back on or you take it off, one or the other.
But seriously, I don't want to be that girl! I want to win. And I want to win by being the best! I got an 8 -- but I can't help but think if I did the dance correctly, we could have gotten some 9s. I really do want to be a good dancer and I'm working on it.
I don't want to become the mercy fuck. I want people to vote for me because I'm good. I really do!"
Kirstie could come out on stage in a Nazi uniform and tear a picture of the patron saint of everything Bea Arthur before making out with Chris Brown on the slaughtered carcass of a baby unicorn, and she'd still win the night. Kirstie is going to take this shit. Something tells me that the Scientology audits now involve calling the DWTS voting line and pressing #8 for Kirstie.
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Kristie's gonna win because she's got that freak-show appeal.
Shock 'n awe.
The audience is repulsed yet can't look away..
Aka, team that gets the highest ratings = WINNING.
Is it my imagination or was the word "Shamu" subtly worked into that song?
The pro dancers deserve mega props for teaching people to dance who are not even remotely close to being dancers. That speaks volumes to not only their personal talent, but, their personal patience and desire to help others love to dance and find their groove.
is there a cock stuck up her throat?
Man, he is hot. Watching how "comfortable" and handsy dancers are on DWTS with their partners is strange to me. I would have a hard time not interpreting that as sexual signals (unless I was Kirstie's age).
First the man and now the shoe crumble like scaffolding in a Tokoyo earthquake. Next week her fucking spanx will burst. Kirsti you aren't Tanya Harding. You can't scientology your way into dancing like you're 25. You're fat. Deal with it.
I guess those millions Kirstie paid the 'Church' for superpowers (which scienos honest to Xenu believe they have) haven't been enough... time to pony up again, Kirstie!
FAT FUCKING PIG!
Dancing with the Stars is just unwatchable mush with uninteresting filler between the dancing "stars." Only bearable for me to watch on tivo so I can fast forward through most of it. But last night's classical shit, I couldn't even do that. Worse than normal.
Submitted by Ophelias evil twin on Tue, 04/12/2011 - 8:24am.
I'm starting to think she's doing this on purpose simply based on the fact that she's an attention hog.
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ITA. The two of them are manipulative and will do anything to win.
As far as people feeling sorry for Kirstie and liking her, all I can say is, she's playing you along. She's trying to make Scientology look like its harmelss and fun.
Whom ever did her styling that night should be SHOT! The tacky jewelry and all that hair and fugly dress. Yuck.
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"Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."
— William Goldman
Whether this is an orchestrated sabbotage or not, gurl is making comedy gold ("I don't want to be a mercy fuck"). That's edgy for a 60 year old fat broad who didn't have any friends....except those Zenu turds.
My vision of world peace: a chicken in every pot, and pot for all us chickens...and weasels.
Still lovin' Kirstie. Even with her mishaps she's rippin this thing up. Go girl!
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"Did I really want to sit in a jail cell in THAT OUTFIT after getting arrested for slapping that trick in the face with a bag of Bugles?" - MK
How did a DWTS thread become a DUI discussion???
I'm too tired to scroll back.
Charlie - yes, exactly. Great points and you are 100% correct.
Irish Fury - I made the stupid decision almost 2 years ago. Not proud and not a moment I'd like to relive.
I won't even drive now after 1 drink. Nope. Sorry. Not doing it.
Not only am I still on probation for (5 years) I just won't chance it. I'm zero tolerance right now.
I can wait the extra 10 minutes to get home from work to have a drink should need be.
Submitted by M.E. on Tue, 04/12/2011 - 9:47am.
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let me hop on my soapbox. a dui is one of the worst things that can happen to you. even though it is a lowly misdemeanor, on scale with reckless driving, it looks much worse to an employer because of the stigma attached to it. it is totally within your control not to get one. but you have to use your brains just a fraction.
1) don't even think about getting anywhere near your car with the keys if you are actively drinking.
2) don't get in your car once 5-8 hours have passed because you are probably still intoxicated.
3) be careful driving in the morning after heavily drinking the night before because there is a good chance you are still intoxicated in the morning. people seem to think something magical happens to their bac from 1am to 8am. it doesn't.
4) the full proof rule of thumb is 18-24 hours since your last drink, then you can drive.
Ursula LOL. Fits perfectly
Submitted by SugarFreeRedBull on Tue, 04/12/2011 - 9:38am.
Arg I have to go to work... *tourettes*PUTA*tourettes*
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LOL! This is so off-topic but I can't help it. My kid was walking around all day yesterday saying "Putaputaputa" When I asked her to feed the bunny she said "Ok, puta" and I was like: WHAT?! "I said 'ok'" Yeah - but what did you call me? "O, that's my word today" I gave her the mommy look and she says "What? It doesn't mean anything!" *smacksforeheadeyerollsigh* KIDS! Like I wanna be telling her what Puta means. LOL!
♥ Threadkilla!
Every nation ridicules other nations, and all are right.
~Arthur Schopenhauer
This happned to me too, M.E. and I am not proud of it. I was in my early 20s and had my license about 5 months and went to a party and made a serously shitty choice. I paid my dues (court cost, attorney, community service etc) and now take a cab if I ever take a third drink. I'll have 2 wines with a dinner out or something. But that third drink means a mandatory cab which isn't cheap where I live (about $40 incl. tip). But considering a DUI is about 10 grand now with the possiblity of killing someone, $40 is a steal.
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Dark-sided!
That poor woman. She's not a bad dancer, though. I think she has a lot of grace.
"I make myself sick, Get on my own nerves. Immature, insecure,Grown up nerd."
-Fat lip (The Pharcyde)
I actually really like her on the show. Not that I've actually seen an entire episode. But I do like her dancing, and Kirstie's a hilarious fatty.
ubmitted by SugarFreeRedBull on Tue, 04/12/2011 - 9:38am.
So Jana, driving drunk and endangering people's lives isn't as serious as robbing a bank? Which kills more people? Which places more people in danger?
Arg I have to go to work... *tourettes*PUTA*tourettes*
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in the eyes of the law I'll be clear. I paid my dues.
I don't give a fuck what I am in your eyes.
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www.theanimalrescuesite.com - Click everyday to help animals in shelters
Yeah, i meant the Patrick Swayze "North and South". Damn. That shit came out in 85?? Fuck me, i m old.
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fuck those goddamn son of a horses i got better things to do like love landwhale and bake some bread and tell some fuckers to fuck off.----charlie m.
If you've had a DUI and still pass it off because someone called the cops on you, you'll be sitting in a cell in the near future on a 2nd DUI.
Take responsibility for your stupidity.
Yes, it happens to the best of us, we make a BAD judgement call, but I can tell you that ONE DUI is all it takes to change your life.
It's cheaper to call a cab. Period.
Submitted by Morbidosity on Tue, 04/12/2011 - 9:23am.
Team Kirstie. I wont apologize.
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Ditto.
♥ Threadkilla!
Every nation ridicules other nations, and all are right.
~Arthur Schopenhauer
iHeart... ♥ Thanks!!! :))
Charlie - yes, it can be done. If you have gone 5 years from the conviction date without a probation violation you can get it removed from your record.
I have the info at home.
I'll bring it in tomorrow so I can tell you what steps to take.
You mainly have to deal with the DOJ and the California (or your State) Supreme Court. Lots of paper work.
I'll give you the 411 manana ok?
iG: copy & paste that---> ♥
Yer welcome:P
~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♥~♦¤♦~♥~
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lnRDU4LdZE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t56s4dZ1_rs
WIGS EYES DO SHOW WHEN HER SLOT TALKS OR SOCK STOPS!! OKAY WOW!!
Submitted by RichBitch on Tue, 04/12/2011 - 9:22am.
Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Tue, 04/12/2011 - 9:19am.
Loved North and South. Why are they showing all kinds of dumb re-runs, but shows like just seem to disappear. (and no matter how much i liked it, i m not buying the DVD)
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Move to the UK, it's on permanent re-run over here! :D
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I think you mean British BBC "North and South" with scrumptious Richard Armitage, based on Elizabeth Gaskell novel? I loved it.
We here in US have different "North and South" TV series about the Civil War between American North and South. It was a gorgeous movie. Young Patrick Swayze was starring in it,
So Jana, driving drunk and endangering people's lives isn't as serious as robbing a bank? Which kills more people? Which places more people in danger?
Arg I have to go to work... *tourettes*PUTA*tourettes*
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Submitted by Fraggle: I vary between 665 and 667, depending on hormones.
Submitted by M.E. on Tue, 04/12/2011 - 9:28am.
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interesting. i don't have a felony but would love to have the misdemeanor removed. can it really be done? i was told be an attorney once it is adjuticated, it can't.
Submitted by SugarFreeRedBull on Tue, 04/12/2011 - 9:25am.
"You deserve a reward for not fucking up for so long."
Your reward, Jana, is that you were busted before you killed someone. Not that your letter makes the country "forget."
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in my particular case, I wasn't busted or was anywhere near injuring someone. Another guy in a car called on me because I turned a corner too fast. They ''busted'' me at my friends house.
In the eyes of the law, I'll be clear. So, if I ever rob a bank, it will be my first offense.
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www.theanimalrescuesite.com - Click everyday to help animals in shelters
Submitted by SugarFreeRedBull on Tue, 04/12/2011 - 9:25am.
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If I could make a 'heart' sign on this fucked up keyboard, I would.
xo
Submitted by charlie m on Tue, 04/12/2011 - 9:22am.
Submitted by Jana on Tue, 04/12/2011 - 9:16am.
Submitted by charlie m on Tue, 04/12/2011 - 9:01am.
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In Canada, in the PQ, at least, if it's your first DUI offense and you have no more run ins with the law, you're allowed to request to have the your record cleared 5 years after the ruling. Mine happened in Dec.2001 but only went before a judge in 2003, so technically since 2008, I could have requested it. My lawyer had sent me a reminder to that effect not long ago and told me so at the hearing. I'd call your lawyer who handled your case and inquire.
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that makes sense now. in the states you can't go back once that gavel is down. at least that is my understanding. btw, i went to montreal a year ago and it was the most spectacular city i've ever seen. and ive been everywhere over the years. doesnt even compare to new york or london or paris. stunning, stunning, stunning.
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Glad you enjoyed yourself. Best time to come is in the summer, with all the outdoor shows and festivities, formula 1 race. We're also the most open city in ALL of North America to the gay community and the yearly gay parade is none other. We also hosted the Gay Olympics in 2006 I believe. I learned that during my stint in sales where I worked in the media and had to sell fucking commercials for the Gay Olympics.
That sucks about having to have a stupid DUI forever on your record. You always have to check off ''yes'' at the question on a job app. asking if you have a criminal record? What do you say to your interviewers? Oh yeah, 25 years ago, I had driven under the influence. Pfft. It's not like you robbed a bank.
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www.theanimalrescuesite.com - Click everyday to help animals in shelters
Submitted by charlie m on Tue, 04/12/2011 - 9:22am.
Submitted by Jana on Tue, 04/12/2011 - 9:16am.
Submitted by charlie m on Tue, 04/12/2011 - 9:01am.
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In Canada, in the PQ, at least, if it's your first DUI offense and you have no more run ins with the law, you're allowed to request to have the your record cleared 5 years after the ruling. Mine happened in Dec.2001 but only went before a judge in 2003, so technically since 2008, I could have requested it. My lawyer had sent me a reminder to that effect not long ago and told me so at the hearing. I'd call your lawyer who handled your case and inquire.
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that makes sense now. in the states you can't go back once that gavel is down. at least that is my understanding. btw, i went to montreal a year ago and it was the most spectacular city i've ever seen. and ive been everywhere over the years. doesnt even compare to new york or london or paris. stunning, stunning, stunning.
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In the States, yes you can after 5 years go through an long drawn out process to have your recored cleared.
First you have to get a copy of your record then for each offense on there you must request seperate hearings from the courts and DOJ to have them removed from your record. If they are felony's it's a harder process. But it can be done.
"You deserve a reward for not fucking up for so long."
Your reward, Jana, is that you were busted before you killed someone. Not that your letter makes the country "forget."
...dahling.
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Submitted by Fraggle: I vary between 665 and 667, depending on hormones.
nooooo Brooke is so annoying!
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
Team Kirstie. I wont apologize.
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Yeah, Fuck it.
Submitted by Jana on Tue, 04/12/2011 - 9:16am.
Submitted by charlie m on Tue, 04/12/2011 - 9:01am.
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In Canada, in the PQ, at least, if it's your first DUI offense and you have no more run ins with the law, you're allowed to request to have the your record cleared 5 years after the ruling. Mine happened in Dec.2001 but only went before a judge in 2003, so technically since 2008, I could have requested it. My lawyer had sent me a reminder to that effect not long ago and told me so at the hearing. I'd call your lawyer who handled your case and inquire.
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that makes sense now. in the states you can't go back once that gavel is down. at least that is my understanding. btw, i went to montreal a year ago and it was the most spectacular city i've ever seen. and ive been everywhere over the years. doesnt even compare to new york or london or paris. stunning, stunning, stunning.
Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Tue, 04/12/2011 - 9:19am.
Loved North and South. Why are they showing all kinds of dumb re-runs, but shows like just seem to disappear. (and no matter how much i liked it, i m not buying the DVD)
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Move to the UK, it's on permanent re-run over here! :D
Didn't look like her shoe came off at all to me. Looks like it was conveniently choreographed into the routine at just the right moment to illicit sympathy without affecting the actual dancing.
/tinfoil hat
This show needs more Brooke Burke and less everyone else. The old man judge is such a prude. The fancy ghey on the end makes me lol.
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Here’s to a long life and a merry one.
A quick death and an easy one
A pretty girl and an honest one
A cold beer – and another one
Loved North and South. Why are they showing all kinds of dumb re-runs, but shows like just seem to disappear. (and no matter how much i liked it, i m not buying the DVD)
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fuck those goddamn son of a horses i got better things to do like love landwhale and bake some bread and tell some fuckers to fuck off.----charlie m.
She does have gorgeous hair, always has. I'll give her that.
Submitted by charlie m on Tue, 04/12/2011 - 9:01am.
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In Canada, in the PQ, at least, if it's your first DUI offense and you have no more run ins with the law, you're allowed to request to have your record cleared 5 years after the ruling. Mine happened in Dec.2001 but only went before a judge in 2003, so technically since 2008, I could have requested it. My lawyer had sent me a reminder to that effect not long ago and told me so at the hearing. I'd call your lawyer who handled your case and inquire. Canadians laws tend to be more lenient...but still, a first offense DUI, 5 years behaving, deserves some kind of reward.
edited.
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www.theanimalrescuesite.com - Click everyday to help animals in shelters
Submitted by charlie m on Tue, 04/12/2011 - 8:32am.
anyone remember when she played madeline in north and south. she was hot in that.
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Awesome movie! She was gorgeous in North and South! Patrick Swayze was hot also.
charlie: Jana hails from the great white North, everything is different in "Canadia"!
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
Check out her moves during this dance off. http://youtu.be/Nlvz3AhNedk
A little KY Jelly, Egyptian cotton sheets, continuous stimulation of the G-Spot... what could possibly go wrong? I'll give you a hint.. it's shaped like a dodger dog, travels at high velocities and smells like that fat girl from Precious.
She can't help her shoe came off!! Sheesh!
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Visit my husband's webcomic DUNGEON HORDES at http://www.drunkduck.com/dungeon_hordes
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Man those stumps of hers could be used to plug up geysers.