Monday, April 11th 2011
Joan Rivers' Tip For Keeping Your Pits Stank-Free
Here I was thinking that Joan Rivers had two Little Trees surgically implanted into her armpits so they don't reek, but I was wrong. Joan Rivers armpits are capable of stinking, but she uses one of my most loyal friends to keep this under control. At the Night of a Billion Reality Stars event in Hollywood last night, Joan told Page Six that filling her pit pores with vodka keeps the BO away:
"I always spray my costumes with vodka and water. It's an old Broadway trick -- two-thirds water and one-third vodka, spray your armpits and you'll never smell again."
This is a good tip if you don't mind that a Lohan will most likely stick a straw in your armpit by the end of the night. But if they don't, you can wring your armpit out into a cocktail glass after last call and have yourself a delicious pit-tini. Vodka is seriously MAGIC!
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Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Mon, 04/11/2011 - 5:41pm.
I'm open to going back to old wives' basics, to be honest. Recently I started drinking at least one mug of green tea and a mug of white tea every day; and then saving the tea bags to use the leaves as daily facial exfoliant with soap. After only a week my skin is positively glowing, and completely spot free.
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I'm dying to try that do you have a recipe? What soap do you use with it? Thanks.
I'ma just gonna drink some more of this here vokka and din I'll let you smell me... k?
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"Bitch, your pancakes look fine to me."
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-
No matter all the stretching and pulling and tightening, the hands never lie!
I wonder if she has any feeling left in her face.
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"Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."
— William Goldman
Her hands need a facelift.
Stupidest waste of money and vodka ever. You take rubbing alcohol and rub it on your pits for the same effect. Stupid plastic zombie.
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Pass a memo around you dumb fucks!
Submitted by Stan Hooper on Wed, 04/06/2011 - 7:27pm.
That's alcohol abuse, just like putting ice in liquor. What a damn waste.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
OMG if you are going to do that, do it with cheap $16 vodka.
but even $16 vodkas make very yummy cosmopolitans!! i swear i could drink 4 to 5 cosmos because its soo tasty.
but i didnt feel very good the next morning, plus apparently i thought i was a lap dancer and started giving people lap dances! omg!!! how embarrasing. im like a book worm lol
but these days im more refined gay :P i drink only chocolate martinis
The only 'TRICK' she could be referring to is the 'Old Broad Actress' Trick. The one where you SAY you spray Vodka on your armpits when in actuality you guzzle it down your throat. Great diversion though....why, EVERYONE will believe that's where the Vodka rank is coming from! Right, Joan?
I thought Hollyweird just botoxed their pits? It's not like Joanie is afraid of some help from the plastic surgeon.
I've recently taken up vodka drinking as a hobby and agree that it is MAGIC!
To think it could also kill BO. Well, that is a fucking miracle.
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This is weird and a waste of vodka.
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Mon, 04/11/2011 - 7:58pm.
"Offisher... Sirrrr. Lemme just tell you. OK? One sec. Lemme just tell you. I hab not been drinking, OK? Joan Ribbers? Her deodderint."
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XD *dies cry-laughing*
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I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. - Dorothy Parker
Wait a minute, last I heard from MK we were supposed to be soaking our tampons in vodka. Now it's our pits? I can't keep up with all these new rules.
*walks down liquor aisle muttering*
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Welcome to a world where the people teaching our youth are making 1/20th of what the whores tainting our youth are making. YAY!!!! - MK 4/9/11
But more importantly - can Joan even open her eyes? I'm trying to figure out what's going on with her cheeks and eye area. I can't even focus on her 'pit discussion' with a face like that staring at me.
But I do love the heading '#1 Vodka of 2033.' I'm betting she'll look just like this, then.
First the cat lady, now this. I'ma have to sign off for tonight. Thanks for the nightmares MK.
I don't konw...I was a vodka girl before I became a wine girl, and I smelled just as bad as before.
Old people have no odor, unless they are pissing themselves.
I expect that's the case with Joan.
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"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." ~Marjorie Ingall
Submitted by angel_i on Mon, 04/11/2011 - 7:06pm.
That seems like a lot of work when I can just splash myself with beer at the bar like I always do.
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F**king Hilarious.
I'll drink to that!
Cheers!
I want to live only till I die, no more and no less - Eddie Izzard
For a minute there, I thought joan the plastic surgery addict had died and they somehow released her autopsy photo. Looking elderly is way better than looking like an autopsy.
"Offisher... Sirrrr. Lemme just tell you. OK? One sec. Lemme just tell you. I hab not been drinking, OK? Joan Ribbers? Her deodderint."
Celestica
Submitted by johnnysgirl on Mon, 04/11/2011 - 7:14pm.
Submitted by RockstarDani on Mon, 04/11/2011 - 5:48pm.
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LOVE your siggie.
PS - ya mama's got an afro wid a chin strap.
Ya mama! Ya mama! Ya mama! : )
*runs to listen to song*
"I make myself sick, Get on my own nerves. Immature, insecure,Grown up nerd."
-Fat lip (The Pharcyde)
Submitted by johnnysgirl on Mon, 04/11/2011 - 7:14pm.
Submitted by RockstarDani on Mon, 04/11/2011 - 5:48pm.
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LOVE your siggie.
PS - ya mama's got an afro wid a chin strap.
Ya mama! Ya mama! Ya mama! : )
*runs to listen to song*
"I make myself sick, Get on my own nerves. Immature, insecure,Grown up nerd."
-Fat lip (The Pharcyde)
Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Mon, 04/11/2011 - 5:41pm.
Submitted by Fucking_Classy on Mon, 04/11/2011 - 5:16pm.
It's 2011, BUY A DEODORANT.
I'm open to going back to old wives' basics, to be honest. Recently I started drinking at least one mug of green tea and a mug of white tea every day; and then saving the tea bags to use the leaves as daily facial exfoliant with soap. After only a week my skin is positively glowing, and completely spot free.
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I'll have to try that!
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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. --michelleb
Seriously, I don't even wear deodorant. Unless you have rampant BO, nobody needs to.
*entire thread gets up and moves*
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"I'd hate to have to go around thinking of health & shit like that." Keith Richards, 1997
Submitted by RockstarDani on Mon, 04/11/2011 - 5:48pm.
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LOVE your siggie.
PS - ya mama's got an afro wid a chin strap.
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I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. - Dorothy Parker
That seems like a lot of work when I can just splash myself with beer at the bar like I always do.
♥ Threadkilla!
Every nation ridicules other nations, and all are right.
~Arthur Schopenhauer
I suppose just drinking the vodka would be too easy.
Logic then suggests that alcohol is the key. But Wait! I've tried this (straight alcohol on pits).
It'll clean up existing stink, but it won't prevent sweating. Just my experience.
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I had just heard about this on the news a few days ago. They said vodka mixed with vinegar. They say deodorant may cause cancer so it wouldn't hurt to try.
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Visit my husband's webcomic DUNGEON HORDES at http://www.drunkduck.com/dungeon_hordes
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OK, so it gets rid of stink - or prevents it. But it does it stop her from sweating there? Otherwise, the will be stink free but have drippy wet armpits. Blech.
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
Shit.... I thought with all that cosmetic surgeries she's had, she'd just have the glands removed!
Also, don't waste good vodka on arm pits!!! What a moron!!!!
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It sounds like I'll need to be drunk, stoned and suffering from a minor concussion to deal with this fuckery. MK - November 2008
not to be a Debbie Downer, but the aluminum in antiperspirants has been linked to breast cancer. hydrogen peroxide has only been linked to bubbles, and vodka to cranberry juice, so ditch the deodorant, eh?
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"Come Back As A Flower: Songs of Stevie Wonder" - w/Mimi Fox, Akira Tana and more - name-your-price download at http://tiny.cc/u5fa8
Isn't it easier to smell fresh from the aroma of deodorant (I guess) then stink of vodka?
"People are strange when you're a stranger...Faces look ugly when you're alone." ~ The Doors
"What a waste of vodka."
I agree with that statement...though I give Broadway credit for such an original idea.haha I'll remember that the next time I feel not so fresh...the solution to my problem will be right in my fridge! : D
"I make myself sick, Get on my own nerves. Immature, insecure,Grown up nerd."
-Fat lip (The Pharcyde)
Submitted by christine the hoff on Mon, 04/11/2011 - 5:35pm.
Submitted by Fucking_Classy on Mon, 04/11/2011 - 5:16pm.
It's 2011, BUY A DEODORANT.
THANK YOU. Shit, you can find it anywhere, it's not a rare product.
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I used it when I lived in asia. It's true that when asians sweat they don't really get b.o., so the deodorants don't do much of anything. Using vodka was cheaper than buying imported speed stick! And defiantly more fun to use every morning.
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People are always trying to eat me on the subway.
Such is the life of a baked good!
-evilcupcake 3/18/11
What a waste of vodka.
Next time I get a side eye from the cashier for my bulk vodka purchase I'll say 'it's for my pits'.
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http://www.whosdatedwho.com/tpx_21333/marc-bolan/tpx_1652472
Submitted by Fucking_Classy on Mon, 04/11/2011 - 5:16pm.
It's 2011, BUY A DEODORANT.
I'm open to going back to old wives' basics, to be honest. Recently I started drinking at least one mug of green tea and a mug of white tea every day; and then saving the tea bags to use the leaves as daily facial exfoliant with soap. After only a week my skin is positively glowing, and completely spot free.
Submitted by Fucking_Classy on Mon, 04/11/2011 - 5:16pm.
It's 2011, BUY A DEODORANT.
THANK YOU. Shit, you can find it anywhere, it's not a rare product.
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What a friend I have in jesus, I can say that
honestly. He's not like all my other friends who really don't care about me.
These alternate use tips for potent potables should be a regular column/PSA. The Whore You Know, or Hints from WhoreOnKnees.
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"Can't you just be satisfied with if I'm wrong about god, I'll burn in hell?"
Every sweat gland I have is in my face, this would be of no use to me.
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"I've got a strong stomach and no standards to speak of" - MK 2/5/11
She's right. Vodka is a mutipurpose product.
It's 2011, BUY A DEODORANT.
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime; give a man religion and he will die praying for a fish.
Vodka is a miracle for getting smells out of fabric. I've gotten rid of a ton of posse-related stink with vodka and lavender oil in a spray bottle.
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"... a kidney stone that was expelled by the mind of M. Night Shamalamadingdong ..."
Just what I need to go around smelling like Vodka and just my luck would have a cop arrest me thinking I was drunk in public or some shit.
And alcohol is ALSO very good for the skin because of its ability to dry it out and make it look wrinkly! Surgery is the only solution for this, but hey....
but does it keep her from sweating? That's the most important thing.
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www.theanimalrescuesite.com - Click everyday to help animals in shelters
More useless information for my brain to suck up.
Ewwwww....I just don't think I could spray that shit on my stuff. Deodorant works fine for me...and wait a minute...does Joan even sweat anymore??
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Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil.
Love Fashion Police. That is all.
"It's an old Broadway trick." Just the one, dear?
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Don't fuck with me fellas. This ain't my first time at the rodeo.
Whatever happened to drinking the vodka and putting the deodorant on the pits.... throw in some soap and water and you're set.
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Yeah, Fuck it.