Hot Slut Of The Day!

April 11, 2011 / Posted by:

Braco the Gazer, a spiritual healer from Croatia who can cure your pain and do miracles with just a gaze from his wondrous eyeballs. If your name is Jennifer Aniston and you stare at that picture long enough, men will throw engagement rings at you and babies will gather at your door with adoption papers in their mouths. If your name is John Travolta and you stare at that picture long enough, your gag reflex will disappear, your belly button will turn into a second anus and the Church of Scientology will announce that their new official mascot is a 9″ long Dominican dick. Braco is a miracle worker!

And the greatest miracle Braco has ever performed is getting thousands of people to pay $8 each to deeply gaze into his eyes for 10 minutes straight. Braco pretty much has the greatest job in the world. You know how you crawled into work today, climbed up to your chair and stared at the wall for an hour before even turning on your computer? Well, imagine if you got paid thousands upon thousands of dollars a day to do just that. For the past 8 years, hundreds of thousands of people all over Europe and beyond have paid $8 to sit in a large room and gaze into the eyes of Braco. Braco doesn’t say one word and he barely moves. Braco stares at each person for around 10-minutes before moving on to the next. Some morons have even brought in pictures of their loved ones for Braco to stare at. People claim that by staring into the eyes of Braco, major positive changes have happened in their lives. One wheelchair bound ho claims Braco’s gaze healed her legs and she was able to walk again! Another ho said that he cured her chronic pain. Braco’s eyes are like the hands of JESUS!!!! Or like a pair of always full bongs.

Braco has never said that he can soothe your pain with his bong eyes, he lets his followers do the talking. Braco’s website also says that he will not except money for bringing his gift upon the world and he will shut his eyes if you offer him a donation. The $8 is only an “entrance fee.” BRILLIANT! Some of Braco’s events have brought in over 10,000 gazeaholics, so that’s $80,000 for staring at a bitch while wondering what you’re going to have for dinner and if you should wear the white linen tunic or the white linen tunic for your next staring contest party.

If your soul can handle the powerful gaze of a man who looks like an unlicensed herbalist/Yanni impersonator then watch him at work below. Most of these people are crying because they realize they could’ve bought 8 items on the $1 menu at McDonald’s instead.

Visine really needs to hire Braco as their spokeseyes. And Braco really needs to start selling franchises, because this is a job we all must have. Although, I’d still find a way to fuck it up. If my eyes landed on a believer with crunchy bangs and overgrown sideburns, I’d lose that staring contest (and $8) by busting into a laugh before rolling my eyes. Braco really does have a gift if he’s never done that.

(For Andrew)

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