In an interview with Red magazine to promote her bottle of cat hairs and scented lonely tears, Jennifer Aniston said that she’s her own best friend (too. easy.), doesn’t really enjoy dating (too. easy. the sequel.) and would choose love over her career. Same Forever Aloneiston shit, different magazine. But the interviewer did tell her that since both her and George Clooney are constantly being pressured by the media to get married and birth babies, they should get together. YES! Brad Pitt can be the best man and Maddox can ruin the wedding by locking the flower girl in the janitor closet and taking her place. He’ll throw the polyester guts of Jennifer’s favorite Cabbage Patch doll children instead of rose petals. This is a brilliant idea. Jennifer agrees:
“That would definitely shut up the world! I could call up George, say, ‘Hon, let’s just get hitched and have kids…’ I should take George to lunch and we can figure out how to put an end to all this… Ha! Well… No.”
Jennifer Aniston always getting labeled as “the miserable sadling who comes to Thanksgiving dinner by herself and always asks if she could fix a plate to take home to her dog” is great for business. SAD ALONE JEN sells magazines. And Aniston knows this so she plays it up.
And on a totally different note, the interviewer who brought up the George Clooney thing is probably wondering why somebody sent them an empty envelope in the mail. That envelope wasn’t empty. It contained the spit and queef of George Clooney’s girlfriend Elisabetta Canalis. Consider that a warning from Elisabetta.