The 8 mutated syphilis sores who grow stronger in jacuzzi water have all officially signed on to the fourth season of Jersey Shore, which will start shooting in Italy in a few weeks. Snooki, The Situation, Pauly D, Ronnie, Watermelon Dick, Sammi Sweetheart and that other shaved Wooki who isn’t Snooki are all coming back to spread a thick layer of pus-filled fuckery on Italy. And they’re getting a major raise.
They should really get paid with a few drink tickets, a couple of morning after pills and a coupon book from the free clinic, but Entertainment Weekly says that the main whores (probably Snooki and The Situation) will get at least $100,000 per episode not including bonuses. Each season is typically full of 13 episodes, so that means Snooki and The Situation will have another year where they get to write a seven-figure number on their tax returns! Welcome to a world where the people teaching our youth are making 1/20th of what the whores tainting our youth are making. YAY!!!!
The Jersey Shore whores made around $10,000 an episode for season 2, so this is a swift jump. EW says that even though this might make you feel like you failed in life by going to college, Snooki and company are worth that much money. Jersey Shore continues to rule basic cable and has more viewers than most shows on network TV.
This must be the real reason why Democrats and Republicans were meeting until midnight last night. They weren’t going to leave until every cast member of Jersey Shore were secured for next season. They know this country’s real priorities! You could see the truth in John Boehner’s eyes.
By the way, I didn’t really mean that “tainting” part. I wish that when I was a youngin’, somebody would’ve taught me how to squat a piss out behind a bar