White Oprah Needs To Stop

Just like Victoria Gotti, Lindsay Lohan wears a weave that would look better in a horse’s mouth, is covered in a bronzer shell baked in a tanning bed and is the pride of Long Island, so she seems like the perfect trick to play John Gotti’s daughter in the biopic on his life starring John Travolta. But the chances of any company insuring LiLo are about as slim John Travolta’s lil’ L. Ron after he walks in on a naked Kelly Preston. However, TMZ seems to think that the production company is going to find a way to make it happen, because Victoria Gotti herself has demanded that LiLo play her in the movie. Are the producers going to bring in Industrial Light & Magic or are they just going to say that young Victoria Gotti has that Benjamin Button’s shit, because LiLo could only get away with playing her TODAY.

Sienna Miller and Blake Lively’s names both came up as possibilities for this role, but Victoria Gotti wasn’t even trying to hear it. The Gottis and the Lohans go way back and are like two crack rocks in a pipe and Victoria believes that LiLo is the only choice. LiLo is in L.A. to audition for the Superman reboot, but she’ll be back in NYC in a few days to official sign on to that Gotti mess.

I’m sorry but even the mob can’t get LiLo back in a major movie. This whole story smells like Fudgie the Whale’s blood and a wet ash tray, which could only mean one thing: White Oprah “leaked” it to TMZ from the bathroom hallway payphone of an after hours strip club in New Jersey. But you know, this wouldn’t be a totally bad idea. It would get John Travolta and White Oprah in the same room. The world would finally get the long-awaited battle between Xenu and Enabler the Great. CRAZY would never be the same again.