What’s RPattz’s Deepest Darkest Fantasy?

April 8, 2011 / Posted by:

RPattz not only bathed his pits and commanded all the miniature unicorns in his hair to lay down for Elle Magazine, but he also told them that one of his wishes is to bring a serious beating on a paparazzo. (“Oooooh, I’m so scared.” – the paparazzi). When RPattz sees a pap he fantasizes about the day he gets to punch that trick in the face the same way we punch ourselves in the face every time Kristen Stewart bites her lip. RPattz might look seven shades of frail and seem as fragile as the lone sparkle on a patch of long white vampire skin, but he’s getting ready to go off on a bitch like a drunk slut with her skirt hiked up in the middle of a Denny’s. RPattz put it like this to Elle:

“You know, when the whole thing dries up and there’s hardly any paparazzi around—I don’t know, in 15 years or something—I like the idea of just one paparazzo coming out and trying to get a picture, and I just beat the shit out of him. I mean—out of nowhere—when my picture’s not even worth…and I’ve spent all my money, so you can’t sue me!”

Just like that thousands of masochist Twihards are applying for pap jobs at photo agencies everywhere hoping that RPattz will punch them until they’re black, blue and sparkly one day.

RPattz also told Elle that he does have a thing for older women, “I was always obsessed with Kate Moss. On my bedroom wall I had a poster of Linda Blair and Kate Moss. I always liked Jane Fonda. Who else? Ellen Burstyn.

Um. RPattz needs to go over his list again, because he forgot to mention one very important cougar:

You just know RPattz blew this classic picture up to billboard size and covered his bedroom ceiling with it. Metagasm!

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