Karl Lagerfeld Takes Off His Sunglasses, The World Does Not Freeze Over

Urban legend says that if Kunty Karl Lagerfeld removes his Chanel eye shields and you stare directly into the ruby crystal globes (filled with the tears of the village children) shoved his sockets, you will immediately shrivel into a platinum thread of dust and join the field of poor unfortunate souls on top of his head. Or you will get really obese and be banished into his dungeon so that he can amuse himself by making fun of you while he nibbles on black crow nails. I must have fallen asleep during that part in class, because I’m not sure which is the case. BUT thankfully, neither of those things happened in Monte Carlo yesterday when Kunty Karl took off his glasses at lunch with his human Baptiste Giabiconi and some other slaves. SOULS DID NOT FREEZE. Crisis averted for now.

And I feel like I’ve just caught Kunty Karl at his most intimate moment. Without his sunglasses, he doesn’t really look like the zombie king of the underworld who can shred the spirit of a newbie model by cackling into the night before her. He sort of looks…vulnerable….with those Charlie Brown eyes of his. Hmmm. This is almost like walking in on your naked abuelita. Let’s just pretend like this never happened.