Eat This, Bradley Cooper!

April 7, 2011 / Posted by:

Renee Zellweger made those kinky hos out there with a shoulder blade fetish salivate when she walked into an event at the Tommy Hillfiger store in Milan yesterday. Even Renee’s shoulder blades pucker! Those blades are so damn erect that you could sit and spin on them. If Squinty passed out face down in the middle of a garden, lady bugs could play a game of racquetball off of one of her shoulder blades. Those are blades that even Mother Nature loves.

If you’ve got yourself a newborn baby but no crib, don’t fret. Just gently lay your baby between Squinty’s blades and walk away. That baby won’t roll himself to brain damage thanks to Squinty’s blades!

And with a little bit of imagination and a whole lot of fur, Squinty’s shoulder blades would look like Simon Cowell’s hairy pecs. Oh, Ryan Seacrest is totally going to ask Squinty out now.

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