LeAnn Rimes Eats Everything, Okay?

Shortly after pictures of LeAnn Rimes looking like she just landed the title role in a Goddess Bunny biopic made the rounds, she immediately started spewing out her diet journal on Twitter. LeAnn was sick of hos saying that she starves herself and works out too much, so made a Tweet list of all the things she puts into her mouth hole. LeAnn eats cookies! LeAnn eats fried chicken! LeAnn eats the dreams of children (with two spoon fulls of turkey gravy on top, thankyouverymuch)! LeAnn eats Eddie Cibrian’s peen (slathered in Fluff and cookie crumbs, thankyouverymuchagain)! LeAnn basically eats everything.

LeAnn kept pleading her case when a “concerned fan” (@lindsey696) said that she has to think about all the young girls that look up to her. That was LeAnn’s cue to go on about how must she loves THIN MINTS and PIZZA and FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! LeAnn’s Tweets via HuffPo:

LOVE Thin Mint Cookies! I never know where to buy GS Cookies, so I’m always elated when someone I know has them! Love Thin Mints frozen!”

@lindseyg696 you don’t know me, you have NO idea what I weigh or eat, so why should you have any opinion about my weight?

@lindseyg696 I own that I am healthy and take dang goof care of my body, that’s what I own.

@KarlaHoffman last time we ordered pizza for the boys at our house you were there and I didn’t pass it up. You’ve witnessed it!

The Falcor doth protest too much.

LeAnn then kept the foolery going by Tweeting the above picture of her lounging by the pool in a bikini. I’ve been staring at that picture for way too long. I’m not trying to gaze into the crotch that knocked down two houses. I’m just mesmerized by her belly button for some reason. It sort of looks like an eye with two swollen lids around it. Or maybe it looks more like the gaping anus of an albino monkey. Whatever the case may be, it will affect my sleep tonight. Now back to LeAnn’s open diet journal…..

LeAnn has already said that she’s healthy and eats normal, yet she still feels the need to try to convince everyone that she’s fine. Just throw them a #fuckoff and move on. I mean, LeAnn probably burns at least 400 calories every time she violently types out a Tweet of defense so maybe it’s time to put down the BlackBerry. A Twitter-free diet is in fucking order.