It happened last night! After all the “Maks better get a Kryptonite spine transplant and wear a weight lift cummerbund” jokes, it really happened. After Kirstie Alley told a sad story about how she got her big break at the same time her mother was killed by a drunk driver, she sashayed out onto the dance floor to twist her ham hocks to a ukelele version of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.” A few seconds into their routine, her partner Maks Chmerkovskiy started cringing in his face and then dropped Kirstie faster than Tommy Girl drops Katie Holmes’ hand when the cameras aren’t around. You couldn’t hear the boom when Kirstie hit the floor, because it was deafened by Xenu cackling on top of his volcano. Thetans failed her now!
As the muscles in Maks’ legs refused to de-erect themselves, he shook it off and the two continued to RUMBA FOR THEIR LIVES!!! The fall might’ve worked in Kirstie’s favor, because the judges gave her a 21 out of 30, 1 point higher than last week.
Kirstie’s head is filled with the kind of craziness that is only developed from sniffing John Travolta’s old ass juices marinating on the benches in the Scientology community sauna, but she’s really damn likable on this mess of a shit show. And she can move. So if anything, this fall is going to get her even more votes. As soon as that ho’s ass sucked the floor, I just knew half of the viewers picked up their phones. Wendy Williams better stage an accidental wig snatching next week if she wants to stay in the game.
I salute u… U r a gladiator …. A champion… I’m honored to be your partner
Thank u all for your support and your votes…. Sort of a beauty in Live TV… Because it’s live… Anything can happen… gotta love it!!!!
Meanwhile, TBS probably put a padlock on George Lopez’s tongue, because you just know a “cow tipping” joke is sitting on the edge waiting to jump.